pairing; janis sarkisian x fem!reader
summary: when you meet the two outed gays of school, everything you've ever thought about yourself is changed
warnings: homophobia, the d-slur, christianity?? i don't know what triggers people anymore honestly so i'll put it there
You've been faithful your entire life, a good little Christian girl. You went to church every weekend, were in the church choir, helped with the younger kids' classes, and you went to the church camps over the summer. You grew up quite conservative; your parents had you following very closely to the Bible.
Being gay was the one thing that you knew for a fact they were against. Your dad had gone to gay protests and supported conversion therapy and your mom seemed to just avoid the topic altogether. And for you, while you didn't think it was necessarily wrong, you believed that it was against the Bible and you didn't quite support it.
There seemed to be a great deal at homophobes at North Shore, and while you preferred to not consider yourself one, you fell deep into that category. You were friends with a group of girls who shared the same ideals as you, and with them, the rest of the world seemed to be blocked out.
When Janis Sarkisian was wrongly outed in eighth grade, you didn't partake in the bullying and torment that the girl received; you thought it was wrong to be so cruel to one of your peers. While you didn't think it was necessarily right of them to bully her, you also didn't agree with her liking girls, so you simply watched the action from the side as the girl was torn apart, piece by piece until she was gone for good.
Or so you thought.
When Janis came back, you didn't realize. You had managed to spend all of sophomore year without seeing the girl although you had heard it floating around the hallways every so often that the "space dyke" was back in town. It wasn't until junior year when Janis and her friend Damian, whom also happened to be gay (you knew it was irrelevant but you couldn't think to yourself how fitting it was), were showing a new girl, Cady Heron, around that you saw her for the first time since that fateful day in eighth grade.
Her deep brown hair was dyed blonde at the tips and one side of it was shaved. She wore a giant jacket covered in various patches and fishnet tights. And you couldn't help but think how hot she looked. And when she turned around, she locked eyes with you and smiled, causing your insides to melt and your face to heat up. But, that wasn't right.
You weren't supposed to feel that way. You weren't supposed to find Janis, a girl, cute or hot or anything within that range. But when you discovered you shared the same class during your last period, you couldn't help it; your gaze just kept ending up in her direction. You didn't know what was wrong with you but you knew these feelings had to stop.
But when her friend, Damian, showed up at your locker the next morning, you didn't know what to do. He stared at you with squinted eyes before speaking. "Listen, I don't know what your deal is but I saw you staring at Janis yesterday and if you go and say one mean thing to her, I swear-"
"I'm not going to say anything! I swear that's not why I was staring." Your voice was higher than normal and it was shaky, as if you were unsure with your words.
"Oh my god.." Damian muttered under his breath before repeating himself louder. "Oh my god! You have a crush on my girl!"
"What? No- No, I'm not gay. I don't- I don't like girls."
"Oh, I'm sure." He turned and stalked off, but you caught the sly smirk on his face before he disappeared. Who was he to accuse you of, what, being gay? You, of all people, couldn't possibly be gay. You stood there in shock for a few moments before turning back to your locker, regaining your composure before going to homeroom.
For the entire day, your mind was spinning with thoughts. What if you were gay? You wouldn't have thought in a million years that you could be; it was wrong and against everything you've ever believed in. You would surely go to hell if you acted on these limp feelings.
They were nothing, you thought. Merely a spur of the moment thought. You liked boys. Right?
You thought back on it all. You never once showed an interest in boys and, while all of the girls in your friend group seemed to be starting to obsess over guys in your grade, you didn't see what they saw.
All of the signs pointed to you being gay. So when you got home that day, you ended up in your bed, wrapped snug under a blanket as tears fell from your eyes. All of your nightmares were coming true.
If anyone found out, life would become a living hell. Your friends would leave you. Your parents would disown you or ship you away to conversion therapy. And you'd never be allowed to step foot back in the church. You'd have nothing left.
The next day at school, Janis saw you again during lunch, smiling at you before minding her own business with Damian and Cady. And you suddenly felt like you couldn't breathe.
Janis found you curled up in a ball on the window sill, face dripping with tears. She locked the bathroom door before walking over to you and sitting down next to you. She placed her hand on your foot, not wanting to get too close.
"Hey, Y/N, are you alright? That's a stupid question, of course you aren't but uh- do you wanna talk about it? I'm not the best with feelings but you can talk and I'll listen."
"You know my name?"
Janis laughed. "I practically know everyone, but yeah. You didn't answer my question though."
You look up at the girl before playing with the hem of your sweater. "Uh, well, I think I might be gay? And my family is strictly against that and, hell, I thought I was against it! How ironic is that? My entire life has been constructed to form around the Bible and here I am, going against it." You sigh loudly. "I am very much going to hell."
Janis looks at you quizzically before putting a hand on your knee. You sharply inhale before looking back at her. "Okay, here's the deal. I can tell you first hand that being gay isn't a bad thing, Y/N. It may seem like the worst thing ever right now because, yeah, it's different for you and completely unexpected but it's not the end of the world. If the people you call your family can't accept you for who you are, then they aren't your family. Your family is a group of people who love you unconditionally, no matter what. So if you're gay, who cares? Love who you want to love."
Janis ran a hand through her hair before blowing out a breath. "Sorry," she chuckled. "That was more than I had expected."
"No, that was- that was good. Thank you, Janis. That meant a lot. It-," you sighed, letting your head fall against the wall behind you. "It changes a lot for me. But maybe, I need some change."
The two of you sat in silence before you piped up again. "How did you know you were gay?"
Janis laughed before responding. "Uhh, I'm not sure. I think Regina outing me way back was kind of a rude awakening for me. It gave me a minute to reflect and realize that yeah, maybe I was a lesbian, but that didn't make me a bad person. How about you? What made you have this little breakdown?"
You muttered the answer so quietly, you hoped she didn't hear it. "You."
But she did hear it. And she wasn't going to just drop it. "Me? Oh my god....I'm your gay awakening?"
"You aren't gonna run away now, are you?" Your face was bright red and you couldn't stop fidgeting, your legs bouncing. Janis was quick to put her hands on them to try to calm them.
"Oh, the contrary. Y'know you're really cute when you're flustered." Janis had this huge, dopey grin on her face as she brushed a strand of hair away from your face. "Um, this may sound a little strange, and you're allowed to run away if you want, but can I kiss you?"
It took you a second to process what was happening before you hesitantly nodded. Janis leaned in and your eyes fluttered closed as one of her hands reached over to cup your cheek. Your lips connected and that's when you knew.
Her lips were soft and her touches were careful and you really, really knew. This is what the other girls felt when they talked about how cute a guy was or how good of a kisser he was. Janis was that for her. No boy was going to make her feel this way.
You pulled away from the kiss, a smile spread across your face and your cheeks painted a faint rosy red. You took Janis's hand in your own. "Shit, Janis, I'm really, really gay."
All she did was laugh and look into your eyes, leaning in and kissing you once more.
credit; jeremychetri on tumblr
