Musical Oneshots(Discontinued)

Twin Size Mattress - Treebros

Haha sorry for the break I took. I sprained my ankle and got sick. And I haven't had any motivation at all. So here's some trash I made. It's kinda a vent I guess.

Tw: Addiction, cutting, swearing, suicide

Evans P.O.V

This is for the lions living in the wiry broke down frames of my friends bodies
When the flood water comes, it ain't gonna be clear. It's gonna look like mud

Connor started drinking and smoking again. I thought he stopped a while ago. I thought he was doing better. But I guess I was wrong. God, it's probably my fault. I'm a terrible boyfriend.

But I will help you swim
I will help you swim
I'm gonna help you swim

I'm going to try to help him. I don't know if it'll work though. I just want to see him get better. I love him, a lot. But I don't know if he loves me back.

This is for the snakes and the people they bite
For the friends I've made; for the sleepless nights

Connor started cutting. Fuck, I'm so useless. I can't help him. I want to. I've been staying up for saying just calling him and telling him I'm here for him. Telling him to not do it. Telling him I love him more than anything or anyone in this world.

For the warning signs I've completely ignored
There's an amount to take, reasons to take more

Shit, he's not stopping. I know it's hard to stop an addiction but holy shit. It's my fault. How could I not see this coming? I'm a terrible boyfriend.

It's no big surprise you turned out this way
When they close their eyes and prayed you would change

I don't know how to help him! Everyone keeps yelling at me to fix him, but I can't! I can't! I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't! They're not even trying. They're not even surprised that he started again.

And they cut your hair, and sent you away

They sent Connor to rehab. This has been going on for a couple years now apparently. I just haven't noticed. I'm such a terrible person. I deserve to die, really.

You stopped by my house the night you escaped
With tears in my eyes, I begged you to stay
You said, "Hey man, I love you but no fucking way"

He escaped yesterday. He came over to my house first so he could stay, as my mothers barely home. I told him to go back but just wasn't convinced, "No fucking way." He said.

I'm sure that we could find something for you to do on stage
Maybe shake a tambourine or when I sing, you sing harmonies

I've been trying to get him to do something that could distract him from his addiction. He just doesn't want to do anything. Every time he gets drunk, he comes over to me and cries. It's all my fault.

This is for the lake that me and my friends swim in, naked and dumb on a drunken night
And it should've felt good but I can hear the Jaws theme song on repeat in the back of my mind

There was a party last night. He was drunk. He was probably high as well. Hell, I was even drunk. The house caught fire. At least we made it out in time.

Make sure you kiss your knuckles before you punch me in the face
There are lessons to be learned, consequences for all the stupid things I say

Fuck, I can't help but think he doesn't love me anymore. Of course I still love him, and he tells me he does, but he probably doesn't. I couldn't help him.

And it is no big surprise you turned out this way
The spark in your eyes, The look on your face
I will not be late

It's all my fault. My fault. I couldn't help him. Nobody can. He lost the sparkle in his eyes. Fuck. It's my fault!

I'm sure we could find something for you to do on stage
Maybe shake a tambourine or when I sing you sing harmonies

I wanna contribute to the chaos
I don't wanna watch and then complain

He always thinks I'm complaining when I say he should go back to rehab. Am I complaining? God, I'm terrible. Of course I am. It's my fault he's getting worse.

'Cause I am through finding blame
That is the decision that I have made

God, I'm surprised he hasn't died yet. We all are. I'm thinking of offing myself soon. Connor wouldn't care. Nobody would. Maybe I should do it soon. The more that I think about it, it seems like the better choice. Actually, I'm heading to a tree right now. I guess this is it. Fuck, I love you Connor.

Connors P.O.V

She hopes I'm cursed forever to
Sleep on a twin-sized mattress

Evan killed himself yesterday. It's all my fault. Fuck! Shit, what the hell is wrong with me!? I gotta stop this. But I can't! Everyone thinks I can, but I can't! All I'll sleep on is a twin sized bed now.

In somebody's attic or basement my whole life
Never graduating up in size to add another

My addictions getting worse. Everything is crumbling apart. My wrists are all bloody right now. I'm a mess. I need to go get cleaned up.

And my nightmares will have nightmares every night
Oh, every night. Every night

Everything is terrible. I'm ruining everyone's lives. I'm going to be with Evan soon. I know it. I started getting nightmares about Evan. It's my fault he died. It's my fault everything is crumbling apart. It's my fault Zoe doesn't speak to me anymore. I knew her and Evan used to date, but they broke up because they weren't fit for each other. They had a strong bond, but now she doesn't speak to me. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve anything.

"You can't keep this up Connor! This is becoming horrible! This isn't what Evan would want you to be as, would he?"

"Don't bring Evan into this!" I scream.

"Can you at least try to get better! Do it for me! Do it for us! Do it for Evan for Christ sakes!" Cynthia yells at me.

"I'll try.." I whisper as I go up to my room, just about to kill myself. I love you Evan. See you soon.
—————
Word count - 1084
This was kinda bad but I  just needed to vent. It's been kinda hard lately.
Sorry for my trash writing.
Also I did count the song lyrics as word cause I was lazy.