Unoriginality 1: An Original Trainer Story

And now, a word from the spearow

Dear Pokemon Fanfiction Authors,

It has come to our attention that we're rather common in your stories, particularly in the guise of attacking trainers.

First, we'd like to make it clear we have no objection to this. (And should you ever be inclined to wander into our territory, we'd be happy to take you on as well.) Our objection, however, is your portrayal of us as violent, cruel and generally evil, as well as ugly and less desirable than those obnoxious pidgey.

I ask you, which is more evil, the pokemon that risk life and wing to protect their comrades – many of which, let's admit, your trainers were bothering unnecessarily, with no intention of capturing – or the craven, selfish and utterly despicable ones who ignore their fellow bird being attacked? Which of us is the noble species? Those every-bird-for-itself, screw-you pidgey? Please.

Nor are we ugly. You want ugly, take a look at those messed-up beaks the pidgey have – ugh. So deformed and stunted the things can't even use a simple peck attack. And fat! Let's just say you don't see half as many things preying on us spearow as you do those lardbutt pidgey.

Did I mention what cowards they are? Because boy, are they ever. We get demonized because we take over areas push out the pidgey, well, what did you expect? You want us to go hungry so they can get even fatter? It's no different than you humans who get together for a common goal. You guys didn't exactly find those cities just sitting there for you. The reason the pidgey lose (aside from being fat, lazy, and generally inferior) is that they won't work together. It's all, 'Sure, you just got pushed out of your territory, but what do I care?' Jerks, I tell you.

You call them peaceful? I call that lazy. They're not sitting there thinking 'Oh, I'd like to intervene to help out my friend being pulverized by that nidorino, but I simply couldn't cause any more violence.' They aren't even noticing, or else they're thinking 'More seeds for me!' The reason they ignore you beating up members of their flock is because they just don't care you're doing it, not some sort of deep-seated pacifism. And the ones you are fighting? They're not getting beat up out of some sort of noble restraint, whatever your stupid pokedex says, they just suck at fighting, with their messed-up beaks and general inferiority.

Oh sure, it's all very convenient for you, but does that make them the better species?

- The Greater Kantonian Spearow Alliance

PS – The beedrill would like it mentioned that they'd really appreciate it if you stopped writing them, who are, incidentally, nectar gatherers, as bloodthirsty just because they protect their young (unlike those jackass butterfree).