Quiet | afi

17

I woke up with a headache and unsure of where I was. Ashton was on the other side of the bed. I was wearing my dress from last night and one of Ashton's sweaters over top. After getting up and leaving the room I realized I was in Luke's house. I went to the kitchen and saw Michael sitting there

"Happy birthday?" I said "what the fuck happened last night?"

"I wouldn't be able to tell you" he laughed "Ashton still asleep?" I nodded "so are Calum and Luke" he nodded toward the living room. I looked over and saw Calum passed out, half laying on the couch. There were beer bottles everywhere and the house was a mess

"Was your birthday party good? Well from what you remember"

"I think it was good" he said with confusion in his voice

A few hours later, everyone was up, the house was cleaned and we were all sitting in the living room. Michael told us once everyone was up to meet in there. Luke was on the chair, cal laying on the floor and Ashton and I on the couch, my legs lay over his lap

"So we're like a friend group right?" Michael asks from his chair, we all nod "so we should all tell each other stuff?" We all agree "because most of you have told me or someone else something and said not to tell anyone" he went on about how there's so many secrets kept between us

"So are we just admitting shit?" Luke asks

"I guess" Michael says

"My parents are getting a divorce and I'm failing most of my classes" Cal blurts out, this I knew

"I was actually really excited to have a kid" Luke follows, which shocks me

"I tried to kill myself which is why I was away for 3 weeks. I cut myself for years before that happened" Ashton throws in

"My moms fiancé basically moved in with us" I say

"I might be moving to Perth for my parents work" Michael says and it goes quiet for a minute and they look at me "you aren't done"

"What?" I look between him and Ashton

"there's another thing you haven't told us" ash says. They know. My eyes water

"No there isn't"

"We've talked about it without you but you have to tell us"

"So you're talking about me behind my back?"

"Tash" Ashtons hand runs up and down my leg "just say it"

"I haven't eaten in 2 weeks and if I have then I throw it up" I say quietly, the room is silent for a moment "are you fucking happy with yourselves?" My voice cracks and the tears fall from my eyes this time. Ashton pulls me into his chest and holds me as I cry

"Why?"

"You all didn't have to elaborate, nor do I" I say

"But this is dangerous" Michael says

"And Ashton trying to kill himself isn't? Don't press her" Calum speaks up "Today didn't happen, everything that was said we won't talk about again"

"I'm with Calum" I agree, so does Luke. Michael and Ashton were unsure

"We'll talk later" Ashton tells me and I nod

"Ash why can't we just drop it?" We came to my place after hanging around with the boys for a bit and Ashton brought up the conversation from earlier

"Because I'm worried about you. I don't want to ignore your problems"

"It's not a problem"

"Tash you're starving yourself, it's a problem" I don't answer "come here" he opens his arms and I sit in his lap, my head on his shoulder "why do you it?" I stay quiet "Tash you are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, please don't do that to yourself. I know it's not that easy and I want to be here to help you" he tucks a piece of hair behind my ear and looks in my eyes. His eyes move down to my lips, then my eyes again. Within seconds my lips are on his, moving in sync. It almost felt like sparks went off in my stomach. We pulled back after a moment, looking on each others eyes