Quiet | afi

29

Ashton came to my house around 8. He opened my car door for me and we drove to the beach

"Are you sure everything is okay? I'm really worried ash"

"I know babe" he picked up my hand and kissed it "we'll get some ice cream first and we'll talk later, I promise" I nodded. We went to an ice cream shop on the beach and for about an hour, nothing was wrong. Ashton was his giggly self and we walked along the waters edge while we ate our ice cream. The sun was just setting and the sky was really pretty. We ended up sitting on the bench, as usual "so I went to breakfast with my mom on Sunday"

"that's what Michael said"

"We talked, a lot. About how I'm doing and that kind of stuff"

"And?"

"There's a doctor, here in Sydney actually and uh" he took a deep breath "before I tell you, I want you to know I love you and none of this if your fault. I'm at a constant battle with myself and I don't know how to make it better. Meds are too expensive and I don't want to try them anyways. Everything we've done has worked for a few days then worn off-"

"Ashton what is it?" My voice cracked

"The doctor can legally give me some medication that will shut down my body. It's pain free, I'll just fall asleep and not wake up" his voice got quoted as he finished speaking

"The boys know?" He nods "Lauren and Harry?"

"Kind of, they know I won't be here but not how"

"And this is what you want to do?"

"I think it is, yeah"

"Okay" I nod and tears finally dropped from my eyes. Ashton's hand rested on my cheek, his thumb slid away the tears

"I'm sorry baby, if you don't want me to then I won't"

"It's just" I pause for a moment "I want the best for you and I didn't think this would be the way but if this is it, I can't really stop you can I?" He pulled me closer to him "when?"

"Haven't figured that out yet, I wanted to talk to you first" I nod "let's go, you can stay with me tonight okay?"