Quiet | afi

31

Today was Ashton's funeral. It was a big debate weather or not they'd have one but they did. Brooke came with me, we met the other boys there.

"Natashia," Brooke started when we got in the car, we hadn't had a proper conversation in what felt like ages "I know it may not seem like it now but, everything will me okay. Eventually it won't hurt as much. You're strong, that's why I look up to you. I know you can get through this" I just nodded, feeling as if I would burst into tears if I talked. We saw the boys outside of the church when we arrived, I gave them all hugs. Anne offered for me to sit with her and the kids and I felt I had to, I tried to stay strong for them. This past week had been the hardest of my life so far. People asked why, since I knew it was happening. My answer was this time, I didn't have him with me to get me through it. I didn't have Michael comforting me as he was dealing with himself and the other boys. We sat through the first half hour of the ceremony and it was still so surreal to me to understand that Ashton wasn't here anymore. My focus clicked back in when they called my name, announcing I would be speaking next. I got up from my seat and walked to the podium. I unfolded the piece of paper I had written on but then decided not to read it

"I'm not going to read what I prepared because Ashton wasn't prepared often, ever actually. So i feel it's better to just say what I truly think right now" I take a deep breath "Ashton was" I pause "Ashton was a lot of things. He was a footballer, a student, a brother, a son, a friend, one hell of a boyfriend. He was loved. Now I can't speak of everyone's behalf but he was a lot to me. He was kind, respectful, honest, sweet, compassionate, loving and he was my everything. I met Ashton in year 7 and we were in the same friend group. I didn't really know Ashton until last September though. From the moment we started working on our English project, I realized what a great person he was. He never judged me about any issues I had, he just listened and offered whatever help he could. If you know me, you know I'm typically the quieter one. Ashton respected my privacy, something a lot of people didn't do. He let me do my own thing without criticism and encouraged me to do things. He also brought out a whole new person in me. Someone I'd never seen before, but it was the better me. When our first issue like this occurred, we were hardly even friends. But I visited him in the hospital any day I could. Ash and I were dating when this happened the second time. It broke my heart to see how much I failed him as his girlfriend. We were sitting on a bench at the wharf, a place that many events surrounded in our relationship, when he told me what him and his mom had talked about, about this procedure. For some reason, there was no way I could begin to talk him out of it. I wanted him to be happy and if this wasn't the way, I didn't know what to do" I'd only realized now that I had been crying "now, a week later, I'm just starting to realize that he isn't here. Not physically at least. Ashton will always be in my mind and my heart for sure and I know how much this sucks, but I also know that it'll be okay. The pain won't ever go away, but it will minimize. We'll be able to get to a point where it doesn't hurt every second of every day"