When We Almost Made It (Discontinued)

8 | I Mean I Guess I'm Just Used To It.

Alec's POV:
I have just one question to ask. What big sin did I unknowingly commit to receive the life that I have? I know it's funny right? Most kids at school would think I have an amazing life absolutely nothing to worry about.

I have "amazing" grades, a family that has money, a clear path towards college. I guess to the untrained eye I probably do have a great life, and I am just overreacting but.

They don't know what it's like to have basically perfection be the standard for you. If I get a B on a test my parents think the world will end. If I'm not top of my class it's another one of my big failures. The worst thing is though I'm breaking and they don't even see it.

I feel like the more time that goes by, the bigger of a failure I become. My mind is poisoning me, and I can't stop it. I tried telling my parents once and they pushed it away saying you're just being a moody teenager.

And I actually believed them at first. Now I know it's more than that. Maybe if they had listened this would be over, and I would be fine. But it's too late for that now. I'm stuck in this mindset. Constantly running away from my feelings. Distracting myself from them.

Music is my escape, well it was. Music is over for now at least since they've taken away my headphones, and I definitely don't have time to write it. And when music ends my thoughts begin. The pain of being here, of never being enough. The pain of being forced to be perfect. I've been groomed from my birth to be.

Why? Why must I be perfect? Why can't I just be happy? Or be a normal child. To not have this burden put upon me. Live a life that's worth living. That's not full of stress. No, Instead I have to memorize formulas that I don't need to know.

Fill out forms for a college I don't want to go to. Fake a smile to prove everything is okay. Trying to live up to my parents expectations so I'm not seen as a failure. I just want to tell the truth. I just want to be truly happy. Why am I the only one who can't be happy. Just for a day, a year, a lifetime?

Well can I really ask for a lifetime. That's being greedy. Maybe asking for a year is too. A day.  A day should be enough. Back when I was young a day seemed like forever.

I mean when I was young I was so naïve. I believed the world was beautiful, and people were kind. They would always help me. That people would never take advantage of me. I didn't understand why people would want to throw their life away.

Now that I'm older I completely understand. Life is a huge illusion.  When you are young life is like a snapchat filter. Everything is just so beautiful. Then when you're older, the filter's gone. You're left with the truth. 

You can never go back to those days no matter how bad you wish you could. They're over and the worst part is got didn't even appreciate them. When you were good enough. This were easy. Your main concern was if you were going to go to the park on Saturday.
When you weren't so weighed down in stress life seemed worth it.

That's the thing isn't it. Is it still worth it? Does it really get better or is it just a saying. Will it get better once I'm out of school. In the end will I be happy, or will I be stuck feeling the same

God I'm so pathetic. There are people who have it way worse than me and here I am feeling sorry for myself. There are people who are walking skeletons, and I'm mad about having my electronics taken away. I really am pathetic.

"Alec, come downstairs," my dad says.

I fix my face so they can't tell anything and put on my good old fake smile. Then I head downstairs.

"Alec. Your mother and I have decided that you need to get rid of your instruments. They are causing a distraction for you. Your grades are proof of it. "

Why? Why are they so intent on taking away the things I love

"Mom, Dad please don't do this. I'll try really hard I promise I'll get 95's. You've already taken away my phone and headphones you don't need to take away my instruments too."

"Alec," my mother says. "We have your best interest at heart, and this music is not what's best for you. We know you've been trying to work on a music career even though we've strongly advised against."

"But mom-"

"Please don't interrupt me we were going to wait until you realized how idiotic it is, but it seems like we'll have to make you. Music is a risky business and no offense honey, but you just don't have the skills for it. Instead you should focus on a medical career where you can make a lot of money."

"Mom life isn't always about money..." I start.

"It's easy for you to say that when you've always had it," she says. "We had to work for it you didn't."

"But, I wouldn't be happy being a doctor. Wouldn't it be better for me to do something that makes me happy," I say.

"Making money will make you happy," my dad says. "Besides our decision is final. By the end of today all and yes I mean all of your instruments will be downstairs, so we can give them away."

"Please I'm begging you to just give me a chance. All I'm asking is let me keep them until the end of the quarter and i my grades meet your standards I get to keep them. I'll box them up but please don't give them away.

"Do not talk back," my dad says.

I have to fight this.

"Dad, Mom I mean no disrespect it's just music is an escape. It's an escape for all the anxiety I have and how much pressure I'm under. Don't you remember how much pressure you were under in high school? Didn't you want an escape? Please let me be able to have an outlet."

"This isn't about us and anxiety really? You're going to pull that card. You're 17 you have nothing to be obsessively worried about. Just wait until you get in the real world and have true responsibilities not just getting acceptable grades," my mom says.

Don't freak out. Don't freak out. Just. Calm. Down.

I'm sorry. That is one thing that pisses me off. When people say teenagers have nothing to be anxious  about. What about our future! The economy! How Earth is literally dying! How no matter what we do we don't matter! People always say teenagers are the problem. What did we do to mess up the world?

And you want to know what the worst thing is. Even though I should have said those things I turn away and say "Yes mother, father."

"There's the man that we raised. I have no idea what got into you," my dad says. I go upstairs and start packing my instruments.

Why do I believe that every time I try to get them to see my point of view they will. My parents won't change. I'm always the wrong one. Every. Time. I end up being wrong.

Well what did I expect a miracle that they would change their way of thinking. That's being optimistic. It's whatever it doesn't really matter. I Mean I Guess I'm Just Used To It.

Hey guys it's me (the author) thank you guys so much for still reading my book. It really does encourage me to keep writing. Sorry for the shorter than usual chapter. This chapter in particular was difficult for me to write. It hits way too close to home for me plus it's always hard for me to write from Alec's POV, and this was a one shot chapter. Anyway thanks again for reading