When We Almost Made It (Discontinued)

2 | Handsome is a Trap

Zaire's POV:
Hello tiredness my old friend. Why couldn't it be normal fatigue? You know the kind you fix with sleep. Ever hear that saying sleep doesn't help if it's your soul that's tired. I'm just so tired of being here.

Why am I still trying? I mean at the end of the day does it even matter? Won't I just be another person who doesn't even matter in the slightest? I mean even now. Just once I wish I could fit in. Among my peers, among my parents. I wish on all the stars in the universe if just for once I could be normal.

"I'm not supposed to be I guess," I say looking at my reflection in the mirror. It's there the scar. It reminds me of the worst mistake I ever made. I wish I could take it back. That's the thing about the past you can never fix it.

It's on my left rib. It's a long cut it's faded, but not really. I've become really self-conscious because of it. Always looking over my shoulder in P.E. When I go to the beach, or the pool. During the warmer seasons of the year. This scar has caused me so much paranoia it's insane.

I'm terrified someone will find out and ask me about it. If they ask why I have it, would I be able to respond or tell the truth? Would I lie? People over the years have talked about what happened with my family. Thankfully they've stopped, but sometimes the occasional person brings it up. It just reminds me of my constant guilt.

Even if my parents tell me it's not my fault I know it is. If only I had been paying attention, I could have warned my sister the car was coming. Instead I was leaning against the window. Then all I heard was a loud crash. Next thing I knew I was bleeding heavily and my sister was dead.

Ever since then, I've started to shut my self out. Sitting by myself, listening to music, trying to shut the world out. To numb the ache. Numbness is all I'm looking for in this world. I don't have to be happy just numb.

Home hasn't been the same since then. It's suffocating for me. My parents try to get things back to normal when they never will be. Now that Zara's gone it leaves a hole no one can ever fill.

My parents are way more interested in my life now than they were before. Always asking questions about my day.

'Zaire did you finish your homework?'

'Yes, mother.'

'Fid you get a 100 on the test.'

'Yes, father.'

'Are your grades where they need to be.'

'Yes, mother.'

They always want me to do better. Don't get me wrong. I really do appreciate them and everything they've done. I've never really had to suffer. My parents have always provided me with more than enough.

I'm beyond thankful for that. It's just I don't deserve it. I mean I've made so many mistakes in my life. Especially with Zara I'm unforgivable for that.

My parents took me to therapy to help with what happened. It's definitely helped, but I'm not going to just let go of what happened. She was the best sister I could have ever had.

I'm trying to make peace with myself. To tell myself that somethings are out of our control. It works most days today isn't one of those days though. It's my first day of senior year. It would have been Zara's last year of college. Who knows what she could have accomplished if she was here. Well never know because of me.

"ENOUGH," I say out loud. She wouldn't have wanted this. I should look forward to my first day. One day closer to my dream.

I'm going to be a singer. Surprisingly my parents support my choice. They never had much backing from their parents when they decided to move to America. They don't want me to go through that, so they're going to help me launch my career.

When I first told them they were skeptical, but then I showed them some of the music I had been working on, and they were on board. I'm really lucky to have supportive parents. Most people's parents would freak out and start listing all the reasons being in the music business isn't a smart idea.

I really can't wait to start my career, but first I have to survive high school. I have to take all AP classes again. God please help me. My parents are very strict to put it lightly about my grades. My grades throughout my entire life have been A's. In order for me to actually launch my music career I have to continue that streak.

At least this is my last year. Just one more year and then I'm home free. Throughout high school I've been working on my music. Songs I've written covers and everything in between. My parents and I are working on what would be the best place to launch my career.

So far it has not been going well. I personally think I should do night clubs, obviously my parents disagree. I think it's the best way to get my name out there. I hope eventually we can reach a common ground.

"Zaire," I hear my mom call. "Please come here."

"Ok," I say. I take one last look in the mirror I look alright I guess. I'm trying to work on positive body image. It's not going as well as I hoped it would. I rush down the stairs to see my mom.

" I'm here," I say.

"What took you long," my mom said. " You need breakfast," she says handing me a container filled with two pancakes and two pieces of bacon.

"Thank you," I say.

"I'm so proud of you Zaire," my mom says. "It's your last year. It feels like it was only yesterday when you learned how to write your name."

"Time really does fly," I tell my mom.

"Yes it does," she agrees. "Have a wonderful day. Make us proud, and don't forget to eat your breakfast," she says ushering me out the door.

"I will," I yell back, then I get in my car. I really enjoy driving. I get to escape by brain and just focus on the road and my radio. I pull out my phone and pick one of my playlist, then I turn the volume up.

It's amazing to just forget the world and listen to music. It's my true therapy I guess you could say. I think that music is the one thing that really keeps me sane in this world.

Zara loved music. She was the first person that really helped introduce me to it. She used to say when I got older we could be musicians together. I would be the singer, and she would play the notes. We would have been a force to be wrecking with.

After what happened I decided to go solo. I don't think I could have another partner besides her. "This is for you Zara I'm almost about to begin living our life," I say pulling into the parking lot.I'm almost done with this place. I've been ready to be done with this place.

I walk into the building and pull out my schedule. "I really should have gone to orientation. I've been here for how long and I still don't know how to get around this school," I say frustrated. "My homeroom should be this way but first..." I say looking at the map.

"Headphones," I say and put them on around my neck while walking. The thing is I should have been paying attention, because I ran into someone and knocked them on the ground.

"Oh my gosh I'm so sorry," I say. One day. I swear on my life I will get over this curse of clumsiness. Maybe not today but one day. I look to see who I ran into. Of course he has to be cute. Just to embarrass me even more.

"Are you okay," I ask.

"I'm fine," he says laughing.

"I'm so sorry for running into you. Here's your papers that you dropped," I add handing him the papers he dropped. Then I turned and started quickly walking away from this embarrassing situation.

"Thank you," I hear him say.

"It's nothing, it's what I should do since I knocked you over," I say running off. Now I know that might be considered rude, but you have to watch out for guys like him.

Guys with beautiful black hair hair caramel skin and Golden eyes. They look so perfect and act all nice. He even seemed genuine when he said it was fine, but then I remember some wise words I once heard Handsome is a Trap.