Don't Tell Dad (Phan)

Chapter 8

The dance died down after a few minutes. People started going home, or just wandering around the house, hugging, giggling, talking.

Phil went outside for some air. Dan had held his hand. It certainly wasn't intentional, but maybe it meant something. I don't know, he thought.

He turned around to get his coat from inside, and breathed in sharply when he saw Dan behind him.

"I-uh sorry, I'm in your way-" Phil mumbled.

"Wait, Phil," Dan said, and Phil's heart started hammering and his breath sort of sped up.

"Um, uh, yeah?"

"I- I'm so-" and then Dan leaned forward and

And Phil's world exploded because Dan was kissing him.

Phil kissed back, gently at first, but then he was more desperate and holy shit this can't actually be happening.

And apparently it couldn't. Dan pushed away. His eyes were filmed with tears.

"I just needed to say sorry. Sorry it can't be like this." He whispered, and then he was gone, walking away into the night.

***

What.

The.

Fuck.

Phil needed to talk to someone. Right now. Louise? Bad fucking idea. Chris or PJ? No. Could he tell Luke? Probably not.

This was all too fucking hard.

Phil sat on his bed, thoughts spinning sickeningly fast. It didn't help that he was still smashed.

They just kissed. Dan Howell just kissed him. Dan Howell had a girlfriend. What the hell was going on?

There was only one option left.

Mum.

It was 1:37 am but Phil knew his parents would probably still be awake.

He knocked gently on their bedroom door. "Mum?"

"Phil? Come in, sweetie,"

Phil pushed the door open and sat on the edge of his parents' bed.

"What's up honey?"

And so Phil began to tell the whole story from the beginning. When he got to the bit about the text he started to cry. Jessica pulled in between them and stroked his hair.

"And then last night-or this morning, I guess- he... He kissed me, and then said... he's sorry that it can't be like that... and I'm so confused," Phil started crying harder.

"Oh, Philly," Jessica whispered.

"You can't let this one guy keep pricking around. You've got to tell his girlfriend. Does she want to be with someone who kisses other people?"

"Bex!"

"She's right," Phil mumbled. "I've got to tell Louise. Thanks mum," he kissed them both on the cheek and went upstairs, making a mental note to meet up with Louise in the morning.

***

"Louise?"

"Hi Phil!" Louise's voice was scratchy.

"Can we meet up later? I need to talk to you,"

"Sure! 11 by the monument?"

Phil glanced at the clock. 10;15. "Sure. See you then."

He got up from bed and jumped in the shower. He wondered how Louise would take it. Oh god. Phil had never been in this situation before, what the hell was he meant to do?

It was 10:47 when Phil left his house. He walked quickly in the cold New Year's morning. No-one was around. They were probably all still sleeping. Phil had never been able to sleep late, even when going to bed at 4am.

Louise was waiting by the monument when Phil got there.

"Hey Louise," he shivered.

"Hey Phil! It's freezing, want to get a coffee?"

"Sure, but I hate coffee,"

Louise giggled. "Let's to go Starbucks,"

Starbucks was pretty empty when they walked in. The radiators were on full and all the staff seemed to be half dead.

They went up and ordered. Louise got a chai latte and Phil got a hot chocolate with cream.

When they got the drinks, they chose a table with squishy armchairs and sat down.

"So what did you want to talk about, Phil?" Louise took a sip of her drink and shuddered as the warm liquid coursed through her. She giggled. "And you have cream on your nose,"

Phil giggled despite himself and wiped his nose. "Well, I just... I thought you might want to know... uh, something happened last night..."

"Phil? What is it?"

"I- uh, I'm really sorry, I mean it wasn't my fault, but... Dan kissed me last night. He kissed me! I didn't come onto him or anything. I'm so sorry but I thought you should know and-" Phil felt tears at the back of his eyes. "I'm really sorry," he whispered.

Louise sat there and looked shocked. Phil expected her to get up in a rage and walk away. She just sat there, breathing deeply.

"Phil." She said, looking him in the eye. "There's something you need to know. But you can't tell anyone, okay? No-one. Not your parents, or Chris or PJ, or-" she took another deep breath and Phil nodded.

"Dan's gay."