Don't Tell Dad (Phan)

Chapter 9

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"You're kidding." Phil's hands were shaking so much he had to put down his hot chocolate.

"Phil, why would I joke about this?"

"Dan probably told you to. You just want- you just want to make me look stupid. Well, congratulations," tears rolled down his cheeks.

"Phil, I'm not joking! Listen, I'm calling Dan, and he is going to tell you everything. Okay?"

Phil sniffed and tried to dry his face. "Fine. Prove you're not lying,"

Louise tapped her phone and held it up to her ear.

"Dan? Shut up. I told him. Yeah. You need to come here... to explain, you twat. Dan, he's crying, for fuck's sake. Come here and explain. Good. We're in Starbucks."

Louise put the phone down and ran her hands through her hair. "He's on his way."

Phil sniffled again. "Fine."

They sat in silence until Dan arrived, shaking rain off his hair. He sat down next to Louise and Phil noticed his eyes were red-rimmed.

Louise looked anxiously at Phil, and suddenly all her confidence on the phone was gone. "Phil? Do you want me to go?"

Phil shook his head. "No."

Dan looked up at Phil and his eyes were so full of sadness and his face was just so empty. He looked as if he's been to hell and back. "Where do you want me to start," his voice was small and tired.

"At the beginning," Phil wasn't about to start showing sympathy, even though it broke his heart to see Dan like this.

Dan nodded. "Fine."

He took a deep breath and started talking.

"When I was fourteen, I started feeling things towards boys. I was kind of confused at first, and then I realised I didn't feel anything towards girls. So I
was like, okay, I think I'm gay. And so I told my mum. She was fine with it. And then I told my dad and,"

His voice started to tremble and Phil just wanted to hug him. But he stayed frozen to his seat.

"He... he beat me up pretty bad. He told me it was just a phase. So I didn't say anything more about it. But he always asked if I had a girlfriend, and I had to do something. I told Louise about it all. She's always been such a good friend, and then she came up with the idea of acting as my girlfriend so my dad would lay off. It was awkward at first, but then my dad started treating me as his son again, and I was so relieved."

He smiled at Louise.

"And then this year started. I didn't think anything was going to happen. Then I saw you and-" a year formed in the corner of Dan's eye and he brushed it away. "You were so beautiful, Phil. And you had good music taste, and you were funny and sweet, and you were just perfect. I had a crush on you, right away."

Phil stopped breathing for a second.

"But I was so, so scared that someone would realise. And then Louise told me you had a crush on me and I was so happy but even more scared because we could no way be together. So I freaked out and told you not to contact me."

Phil didn't even realise he was crying. The whole morning had been so emotional, it was like being on the Jeremy Kyle show.

"I missed you so much, Phil, you have no idea. And then at the New Year's party I just couldn't help it," one of the staff cleaning tables looked over at Dan's crying. Then she quickly turned away and moved to another table.

Louise wrapped her arms around Dan. He was breathing loud and stickily, and shuddering.

"I love you, Phil."

Phil felt sick. It all felt like a joke. This couldn't be real. He was shaking and tears kept flowing down his face.

"I-" his throat tightened. And then Phil realised. He loved Dan. And he supposed he always had.

"I love you too,"

Dan looked up, his face red and blotchy, his eyes wide. "Really?"

Phil smiled. "Really."

***

Phil tried to calm down his heart rate as he straightened his hair. This is it, he whispered. This is fucking it.

He straightened his shirt and rehearsed what he was going to say in his head.

Hello, Mr Howell. I'm Phil. I'm here to talk about Dan...

No.

Hello, Sir. I'm Phil, Dan's boyfriend...

No.

Urgh.

I've come for your fucking son, douchecanoe!

Maybe that was a bit too straightforward.

He went downstairs. Jessica was reading the newspaper at the table.

"Hi, Mum. I'm going to go in a minute,"

She looked up anxiously. "Are you sure you'll be okay? Mr Howell doesn't seem like a very nice guy,"

"I'll be fine, Mum. Don't worry about me."

"Remember, Dan is welcome to stay here for a while,"

"Thanks. I've to got to go, okay? Love you,"

He stepped outside, fear twisting in his stomach. Dan knew he was coming, but Phil had told him to stay in his room until he left. Then Dan could come back home with him.

Dan's house was a bus ride away and Phil got more and more terrified every second that passed. Eventually he got to the stop outside Dan's house.

He knocked on the door and was surprised when a stocky brown haired man in a business suit answered it, looking bored.

"What do you want?"

"Are you Mr Howell?" Phil clenched his fists to calm himself down.

"Who's asking?" This guy was arrogant, smirking and rude.

"I'm here to talk about Dan."

"What about the fag?" He laughed as if he'd just made the funniest joke in the world.

"We should go inside."

Mr Howell's face turned stony. "It's my fucking house and I'm not letting someone in without knowing who they are."

"I'm Phil. Dan's boyfriend."

Mr Howell's reaction was instantaneous and terrifying. "Boyfriend? Get out of here, you faggot! And take my scumbag son with you!" His face went red, then white, then purple. Phil heard footsteps on the stairs behind Dan's dad. It was Dan. He had a duffel bag and a jacket on.

His dad turned around. "Get the fuck out of here, you queer!" He reached out and slapped Dan hard. Dan whimpered.

"How dare you! Don't hit my fucking boyfriend!" Phil was seriously angry. He stepped inside. "I am going to send you to court. And Dan's coming home with me."

"As if I'll miss the faggot."

"Dan? Baby, let's go."

Dan fell into Phil's arms, whimpering and sobbing. "Come on, honey. We'll get the bus."

"Get off my fucking doorstep!"

***

Dan cried softly into Phil's shoulder on the bus ride home.

"Don't cry, baby. We'll be okay. As long as we've got each other."