-hi! so i know this is sad but please don't give up on me yet i promise it's going to get better-
A funeral is the worst thing ever, especially when you have to sit in the front row, where the family sits, when you have to thanks people for flowers and for being here while all you want to do is scream your lungs out and throw plant pots at them. Or maybe that was just what Luke wanted to do, he wasn't sure about that.
Luke was silent, he hasn't talked much in the past few days. He barely ate, let alone took his pills. Whilst he was looking at his reflection in the mirror of his small room he heard his mom calling for him downstairs. He knew he had to make efforts because he wasn't the only one suffering, but he couldn't.
The doors flew open and Luke startled, pressing a hand on his heart.
"Luke honey you have to take your pills." Andy handed him the little yellow bottle.
"I did dad." He lied.
"Lucas not today please." Andy furrowed his eyebrows. "Please take them."
Luke nodded when he saw the tears into his dad's eyes. He reluctantly took the bottle and pulled two into his mouth swallowing quickly. Andrew smiled sadly and he pressed a kiss on his son's forehead before walking downstairs.
Luke eyed himself again, he looked like shit. He had dark circles under his dull eyes. His curls were flat, Luke even thought about pulling them into a bun but his mother would disagree so he just sighed and joined everyone downstairs.
The car ride to the church was in silence. Andrew was driving with Liz next to him, she was sniffling stamping her cheeks with a tissue while Luke was in the backseat next to Ben.
"Luke I think you're friends are here." Ben whispered softly while they were waiting outside the church to greet everyone.
Luke spotted Calum Michael and Ashton, they were all three in black tuxedos, stern looks on their faces. They first offered their condolences to Luke's parents and then they came to the two brothers standing at the church's door.
"Hi." Michael said shaking Ben's hand. "We're really sorry for your loss." He sighed sadly. "Jack was a great guy." He said whilst Ashton and Calum nodded.
"Thank you guys." Ben patted Mike's shoulder. "I really appreciate that, and thanks for being here for Luke."
The three of them walked to the church but Ashton stayed, he grabbed Luke's hand rubbing his thumb on the back of it. They smiled softly to each other and then Ashton pulled Luke into a hug, wrapping his arms around the blonde's shoulder.
"I'm not gonna ask if you're okay, but I'm here for you, you know that right Lu?" He whispered against his ear, his fingers caressing Luke's baby hair softly causing goosebumps all along the blond's body.
"Yeah, thank you." Luke said tightening his arms around Ashton's waist.
"Let me know if I can do anything." Ashton said as he pulled away.
"Actually..." Luke hesitated. "I was wondering if I could sleep at your place tonight? My parents are having the whole family for dinner and I'm not ready for this." He asked sheepishly.
"Of course you can come whenever you want." Ashton squeezed Luke's hand. "I'll see you after?"
Luke was sat between his mom and his brother. Ben was holding the blonde's hand tightly while they were listening to the pastor's preaches. It was beautiful, he was talking about heaven and about how special Jack was because he had been called by God before he should have. Luke thought it was bullshit, he wasn't called by God, this is the stories that people like to believe, they help for the mourn apparently. Luke knew that this story would help his mother to find sleep at night, and he was happy about it, but it wouldn't help him.
His brother was dead, and nothing could help him.
Whilst Jack's coffin was disappearing into the ground, Luke wanted to scream. It wasn't fair, people shouldn't die like that. The blonde had his fists clenched, nails sank into his skin he could feel the blood dripping but he didn't care, it wasn't painful.
The pain was inside.
It was so quiet, everyone was looking at Jack disappear. His mom was sobbing, his dad was holding her and Ben was holding their grandma's hand. Luke sighed, biting his tongue harshly to keep everything inside.
He wanted to scream.
"NO!" He screamed. "No, no, no." Luke walked to the coffin and he fell down on his knees. "No, please no." He gripped the green grass.
Ashton rushed to Luke and he tried to get him up. Luke knew his father would be so mad at him for doing this right now but it wasn't Luke's fault he took his pills this morning, he really tried but he couldn't avoid it.
"Luke get up." Ashton said pressing on his shoulders. "C'mon, you don't want to make things worst do you?"
Luke shook his head. It wasn't his fault. He had no control over this, he really wanted to stop and he was trying to breathe and to calm his heart but he failed.
"Bring h-him back." He said gripping Ashton's leg. "Please b-bring him back Ashton." Luke sniffled. "Bring him b-back." He said hiccuping. "I beg you Ashton please bring him back."
The blonde buried his head against Ashton's legs, he was crying, begging and Ashton's heart broke. He quickly looked around him and he needed to do something because everyone was looking at Luke as if he was a monster so he sighed and grabbed Luke bridal style. He walked away from the resting place, Luke floundered at first in his arms but the older boy tightened his grip around him.
"Let go of me!" Luke wiggled his legs against Ashton's chest. "Let me go!" He screamed.
"LUKE!" Ashton screamed as he stopped walking. "Calm down." His tone was harsh and Luke stopped every move.
The older boy was sat on a little bench, Luke on his laps. They didn't talk for a while, they were just silent being with each other. Luke could see everyone from where they were, his head was resting against Ashton's white shirt, blood still dripping from the palm of his hands due to his nails digging his skin.
"B-bring him b-back..." Luke whined. "Bring him back Ashton please."
Ashton closed his eyes, resting his head into Luke's curls. He couldn't do anything to help him and it was the worst feeling ever. Ashton tightened his arms around Luke, the older wished he could take Luke's pain away. He would have taken Luke's place if he could. But unfortunately, that was impossible.
"It's okay Lu, you'll be okay I promise." He whispered.
