-i am so so so sorry it's been so long and i have literrally no excuse but well better late than never right?-
-this is the last chapter before the epilogue an it's very shitty im sorry but i can't write anymore idk why :(
Once outside he let go of all the tears, gripping his hair and tugging on it softly. This had been a nice week and it was ending so badly even tho if Luke's crises weren't as strong as before, they were still regularly. Ashton admitted that it was destroying the both of them, sure thing he loved Luke, more than anything but he was tired, really tired.
On his way to the closest bar, he texted Mikey, asking for a company. Ashton drank maybe more than he should've while he was waiting for his friend but he needed to clear his mind. Alcohol helped.
For now.
Michael slouched loudly on the stool beside him, a soft hand resting on his shoulder.
"Wasup?" He asked, before ordering a drink.
"Not much." The brown-haired boy sighed. "I needed to get out of the apartment."
"How's Luke?"
"He's... hard to handle." Ashton sipped his drink. "Especially today."
"Yeah, I figured... It's not every day that you wanna be drunk in the morning." Michael giggled. "You wanna talk about it?"
"Not really." Ashton buried his head in his hand. "But I think I need to."
"What did he do?" Michael sipped.
"More like what did he say." Ashton grumbled. "Long story short, it's Jack's birthday and he forgot about it, apparently it's my fault so he said he didn't love me, and he wanted me to get out of his life."
"Oh-"
"I know he probably didn't mean it, because he was so angry but...you know." He sniffled. "It hurts."
Michael patted his shoulder soothingly and Ashton felt even worse because he was mad at Luke for something so dumb. It wasn't Luke's fault, but the words were engraved in his mind now. Michael and Ashton talked for hours about everything and Ashton -almost- forgot about the blond boy probably crying in the apartment until his phone started to buzz.
"Fuck." He sighed seeing Luke's ID on the screen. Michael raised an eyebrow while Ashton locked his phone. "Luke."
"What are you gonna do?" Michael said hopefull.
"Ignore him... for now." He said. "But-" His phone rang again and Ashton turned the device off when he saw Luke's name once more. "But I'll go home eventually."
"You can come to mine for the day."
Ashton stayed at Michael's for the entire day, they played videos games and ate pizza. Ashton was fine, he wasn't thinking about the blond and he didn't turn on his phone because he would probably have a hundred missed calls from Luke.
During this time, Luke was pacing in his room, cheeks full of tears while he was calling Ashton again and again. He did take his pills after Ashton left, and now Luke hated himself more than ever for throwing those words at him, because he was so far from thinging them and they meant nothing. But now Ashton was nowhere to be found, probably thinking that Luke hated him and this was déjà vu for Luke.
He couldn't relive that again.
He refused that his last words to Ashton were words of hate.
He tried to call him again and again, the clock turning and the sun sinking. Soon it was late and Luke passed out from sadness on his bed, holding onto Ashton's pillow for dear life, it smelled like his boyfriend and Luke wanted him back beside him more than anything in the world right now.
Ashton came home in the middle of the night, he sneaked into their room and Luke was already sleeping, holding on his pillow. He had tears stains on his cheeks and he was wearing Ashton's hoodie, the brunette tried not to wake him up while he grabbed his pillow and left to the living room, landing on the couch where he spent the rest of the night.
When the sun started to rise Ashton woke up, he just had a few hours of sleep and he was still tired but he got up anyway. He went to the kitchen and he made breakfast, waffles eggs and bacon. Luke's favourite.
A few minutes later the small blonde appeared in the door frame, he was wearing his shorts and Ashton's hoodie was covering his hands. His eyes widened with tears when he saw Ashton and for a second he was about to run to him, but then he remembered what he did so he just awkwardly stayed still.
"You're here." Luke said.
"Yeah I live here." Ashton said bitterly. "I made break-"
"I'm so sorry." Luke said sheepishly. "Ashton I-I'm so so sorry. "He said, his voice cracking at the end of his sentence.
Ashton eyed him, he was obviously tired as well, every time he had a crisis he was drained, that was the secondary effects of the new pills. But he looked more wrecked than everything.
"I'm sorry, I-I wasn't myself and I didn't mean it. "
Ashton said nothing, he just looked at the blonde boy, he knew he should've said something because it wasn't Luke's fault but he wanted him to feel how hurt he felt. He wanted Luke to try and apologize, maybe it was selfish but Ashton was just so hurt.
"Ash, please I-I" Tears were now rolling down his cheeks. "Please say something...I'm so sorry, I know it's not your fault if I-" He hiccuped. "And I don't hate you." He breathed shakily. "I'm far from hating you and I do need you in my life."
Ashton's heart broke. It clicked in his mind and he just wanted to hold Luke into his arms and wipe his tears.
"I know babe." He walked to the younger boy, grabbing his shoulder pulling him into a tight hug.
"I'm s-sorry." He said hiccuping again. " So so sor-ry, I fucked up."
"It's okay." He rubbed his back softly. "It's okay I'm not mad at you." And it was true, Ashton wasn't mad anymore, he was hurt but not mad. "I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have slapped you."
"I-I deserved it." He hiccupped. "I was such an ass."
"You were." Ashton giggled.
They stayed like this for a while, Luke hiccupping here and then and Ashton rocking him soothingly. Luke felt so guilty, his chest was heavy and wanted to erase everything he said from Ashton's mind.
"I love y-you." Luke said softly, his last tears falling into Ashton's neck.
"I know." Ashton whispered.
"Y-you s-still lo-love me right ?" He asked, really unsure right now.
"Of course." Ashton said kissing his temple. "Of course I love you Lu."
Luke sighed relieved. Ashton still loved him, even if he was a fucking dickhead. Ashton loved him, and he probably would love him no matter what.
"Please don't leave again like this, I tried to call you a hundred times, I was so worried." He kept crying. "I understand that you needed to be alone for a while, but next time just tell me you're fine okay?" He sighed and Ashton could see how hurt he was. "Because I don't wanna lose someone else thinking that I hated them."
"Fuck, I didn't- I didn't think about it." Ashton tightened his arms around Luke. "Sorry love I won't do it again."
"Th-thanks." He hiccuped.
"You wanna eat breakfast now?" Ashton asked pulling out slowly of the hug. "I made your favorite."
Luke nodded slightly, his nose against Ashton's flannel.
