When Luke woke up he was happy.
Ashton was cuddled all against him and everything was quiet. Their heart were beating together at the same time and Luke was just so happy. He remembered everything from last night, every single touch that Ashton laid on him and every kiss. He could feel the bruises on his body already and even if he was fucking sore, he couldn't be happier.
"How do you feel love?" Ashton asked gently.
"So fine." Luke smiled. "I feel so relaxed..." He hummed. "Is it always like this?" Ashton frowned. "Sex, is it always like this?"
"No." Ashton giggled before pressing a kiss on Luke's shoulder. "It's never like this, every time is different."
Luke grinned. He wanted Ashton's body back all against his already, but who could blame him? He was a little hormonal boy and Ashton was just so good.
The young boy was lost in his thoughts about Ashton's body when something hit him. He felt as if he forgot something but he couldn't find what it was until his breath hitched in his throat.
Fuck.
It was Jack's birthday today.
And Luke forgot.
"What's wrong?" Ashton asked when Luke sat in the bed.
"I-I forgot." He pressed his hands against his mouth. "I- oh God."
"Luke what did you forgot?" Ashton grabbed his wrist softly.
"Jack." He said tears already filling his eyes. "It's Jack's birthday and I forgot."
Ashton's eyes were soft and he tried to tug Luke into a hug but the blond got up, tugging on his hair. "I forgot." He said. "I forgot Jack."
"Lu, hey?" Ashton called. "It's okay you remembered right?"
"No." Luke said and he looked wrecked. "No, no, no I forgot, when I woke up I was thinking about you and I forgot him for a while." He cried out. "I forgot, b-because... because of you!" Luke said more tears rolling on his cheeks."It's your fault, y-you made me forgot!"
"Luke do you hear what you're saying?" Ashton got up too. "How could I possibly do that?" He frowned. "Look it's okay, I got it you feel like you're guilty but you're not!" He sighed. "You have the right to live your life and to be happy." Ashton walked softly to the blond. "Jack would've want you to be ha-"
"You don't know that!" Luke said harshly. "You didn't know him, you can't say that!"
The blond started pacing in the room, his chest felt tighter and tighter and the tears were now flooding all over his cheeks.
"Babe, hey come here." Ashton tried to walk to him.
"No, don't touch me." He spits. "It's your fault, y-you made me forgot him."
Ashton frowned, definitely not understanding where this was coming from. He walked softly to Luke and he gripped his wrist again. The blond was crying so much that he didn't even realise when Ashton led him to sit on the edge of the bed.
Luke started to cry again and again, and when Ashton tried to help him he just shoved him roughly, making Ashton step back.
"Luke, you need to breathe." Ashton said and he held on Luke's shoulders.
"No, leave me alone." He hiccuped. "Go away, it's y-your fault!" He screamed against Ashton.
The blond grabbed the clock on his nightstand and he threw it agains the wall roughly, making Ashton's jump. The brunnette had no idea what to do so he just tackled Luke against the bed, his back slamming on the mattress.
The younger boy's house widened and he cried even more.
"Let me go! Let me go it's your fault!" He screamed, kicking his feet in the air like a kid.
Ashton locked his hands on Luke's wrists, trying to think about something to keep him calm.
"Lu, hey look at me." He said softly. "Look at me babe, it's okay you're having a crisis now, try to breathe for me yeah?"
"No!"He yelled. "Get off me!"
"It's gonna be okay Luke, I'm here, I love you." He said when he saw Luke's red eyes.
"No, let me go!"
"I love you, you hear me, Luke? I love you and I won't let go, ever."
"Let me go, get off me!"
"Shut up."
"No, let me go!"
"You need to calm down, I know this isn't an easy day, I know okay it's Jack's birthday but you don't need to be that angry."
"I hate you let me go!"
« Luke, please calm down, breathe it's gonna be okay. »
« I hate you! Let me go!" He squirmed. "I wish we never met."
"W-what?"
"I hate you let me go!"
Luke winced and tried to escape Ashton's arms holding him but Ashton didn't care, he didn't care about his anger issues and about his fucking disorder, he didn't care about those words filled with hate threw at his face, even if right now he wanted to cry because it was hurting like hell. Even if Luke's words were fake, he knew it was fake, Luke loved him, but it was too much to handle after the night they just spent.
Ashton clenched his jaw, holding back the tears while Luke was still squirming on the bed.He was quiet now, but his eyes were still filled with hate.
"You're calm now?"
Luke grumbled and tried to escape again.
"Luke for fuck's sake I'm trying to help you now!"
"I don't want your help, I don't want you! Get off me! It's your fault!" He spat at Ashton's face. "I don't need anything from you, get out of my life!" He screamed.
"Stop it Luke." Ashton said trying to keep his tears under control. "You're going too far."
Ashton blinked multiple times, but some tears made their way on his cheeks, he clenched his jaw harder, he knew Luke didn't mean it, it was the anger talking. Yes, of course, it was, no need to doubt about it.
Not at all.
"I don't love you." Luke said calmly. "I lied to you."
That's when Ashton lost it, his calm. First, his heart broke, his heart shattered in million pieces and then without even realising it he slapped Luke, right in the face.
The blonde stilled every move, he looked under shock for a second but then he started squirming again.
"Let me go for fuck's sake!"
"It's okay Luke, breathe." Ashton said, his voice shaking and tears prickling his pretty hazel eyes.
Ashton's hands tightened around the blonde's wrists, one of his knees was between Luke's legs, trying to keep him still.
"Take deep breaths Luke, you need to breathe." The brunette said through gritted teeth.
But Luke was a stubborn little boy.
"Look at me Luke."
He didn't.
"Luke."
He closed his eyes.
"LUKE !"
This time their eyes met and Ashton tears fell again. Luke noticed it and something changed into his eyes.
"You're okay breathe."
Luke took a deep breath, he breathed deeply for a few minutes, doing as told and the anger went away slowly but surely.
Ashton finally sat down on the bed, letting go of Luke's arms. The blonde didn't move, he blinked realising what just happened, but Ashton couldn't stay still. He stood grabbed his jacket and his car keys and he said coldly "Take your fucking pills." Before he ran away from the apartment.
Ashton needed to breathe now.
