Clout Chase ~ Chasing the dream

Forget you

"Well what did he say?" I say eager to know what he said but mostly scared.

"He want your phone number" Emma says.

"Do you think he wants to get back together I ask them excited. "I don't know Ron do you think it's such a good idea right now, you two aren't even in the same country" Tessa says.

"I agree" Sommer replies agreeing with Tessa.

———

Emma texted him my phone number but he hasn't replied yet. After the concert we all went to dinner with Selena and then left to our hotel.

Everyone was asleep, Selena also decided to sleepover since she didn't feel like being alone all night and she's flying out back to LA tomorrow.

I was awake in my bed next to Alissa and Ashley whilst, Selena, Chantel and Cindy were sleeping on the other bed, Emma, James and Sommer were sleeping on the third bed.

I was awake just wondering holding my phone to receive a text from him. Selena was laying between me and Alissa and I didn't want to wake anyone up especially her since she had an early flight tomorrow.

I quietly get up and go out to the balcony grabbing a blanket from the sofa. It was dark but not dark enough, Since Ibiza was a party area you could hear and see the lights everywhere. It was gorgeous and busy yet I still felt alone, like I don't fit in.

Yeah sure, I might be youtuber now and famous or whatever but I felt unnoticed. Like when people see me, they don't see me.

I'm not and never have been the party girl or the girl who gets all the guys, I have always just been me, whoever Veronica Smith is Anyways.

I feel like when they look at me, this is the girl who slept with the most famous youtubers to get what she wanted, a career. That's what the whole world thinks of me, and when everyone thinks of you as that, it's hard not to think of yourself the same.

"You know it gets easier" I heard a voice behind me. I look behind me and see Selena with a blanket coming to sit on the chair next to me. "What gets easier?" I smile at her.

"This. Our world, influencing, social media, boyfriends, drama, hate. I know what you're thinking. You think that everyone sees you as the girl who dated that famous guy. Well guess what , been there done that. I doubted myselfand blamed myself. I even hated myself for something I didn't do, but the world made me believe I was guilty. You know what lesson it taught me, never put your private life out to a world full of judgement and hate, because I can deal with the hate comments on my songs and looks but when it comes to who I am and the people I love ,?those kill me. And I think because that is your job it's harder for you. Your job is to share your private life and your personality and it's amazing, but it brings so much hate." She says. What the fuck? I never thought of it like that.

"Whoa" I say. "Do you think maybe you need to be honest. If you're going to be doing something maybe you don't want to pretend to be someone you aren't, the perfect girl on screen. If you truly are a creator of sharing your life, show a real side of you, one where no one has seen before and, I think singing is that" she says and gives me a warm smile.

You truly know you have a great life when Selena Gomez is sitting next to you giving you life advice.

"When you were on stage what did you feel?" She asks and looks at me. "Anger, mostly at myself." I say. "And why's that" she ask.

"For letting Grayson go" I sigh. "Was it so bad to let him go? You aren't with him right now and you seem to be closer to finding yourself. Take it from me, when I was in a relationship, I was so focused on it, forgot about my music and career and lost myself because I was blinded by love. Once we broke up, my creative side came out, just like you said, anger made me make my album, revival, and I'm now in the relationship, knowing who I am, and what I love. It's better when you figure out who you are by yourself" she says.

" Yeah but I miss him" I sigh. "But If He's meant to be with you, you'll find your way back" she says. "Everyone's been saying that" I say. "Maybe you should listen" she chuckles.

"You're really cool you know" I say and chuckle. "Oh like I didn't know that" she chuckles and rests her head. "No seriously, you're like really humble and down to earth. You don't even act as if you're..." I say but she cuts me off. "Not Human?" She chuckles.

"Yeah" I say. "Well I think people in the industry forget who they're because they're blinded by the fame and money. I was blinded by love, and trust me you know it's much harder to regain yourself after that" she says and gets up

"Well when you're done waiting for your eye-candy to text you, come back to sleep, I'm tired and have a long flight tomorrow" she chuckles and heads in.

As soon as She went in I got a text from Gray, he might have deleted my number but I still had his.

Gray: "Hi is this Veronica!"

Me: "yeah"

Gray: "it's Grayson, just wanted to apologize for the other day, especially what Katya said."

Me: "it's okay I deserved the beat down"

Gray: "no, no you didn't especially not from Katya"

Me: "no it's okay seriously, I'm really sorry about the concert thing"

Gray: "what concert thing?"

Wait he hasn't seen it as I begin typing "oh nothing, nvm, I'm sorry I never wanted to end things between us it was just..." he sends me this

Gray: "I think it's good we aren't together anymore, now you can finally be happy and so can I, I was only holding you back"

But I'm not happy without you

Me: "it's good that you're happy"

Well there you go, another guy who's much happier without me In their life, what is this the 4th guy!

Gray: "Yeah, well Anyways I know it must be pretty late in Ibiza but I just wanted to apologize and hopefully we can be friends again, because even if we aren't together you were still a good friend and I think I would like it if we can be that again"

Me: "definitely"

I sighed and turned off my phone. great the love of my life wants to be friends. At least he's happy, just not with me.

I get up and decide to go to bed, this is going to be one long vacation, first day here and I already think I am beginning to find myself.

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Until next time, X