Since Birth

Chapter Fourteen

I couldn't get that kiss out of my head the next day. I was worried that I had made a big mistake by doing so. That I had crossed a line I shouldn't have... Our drive was silent but I could feel when he had looked at me and he could feel my sadness and confusion about the entire thing. I kept telling myself that I shouldn't have done that, that it was wrong and my fault. Instead as we neared my house he had blamed himself. Told me to not blame myself. Pretend it hadn't happened. It was an accident.
But I couldn't get it out of my head. I told him that I wouldn't tell anyone, that it was our little secret and that it wouldn't happen again. But I just lay in my bed the rest of that night thinking about it. Up until morning. I hadn't had a wink of sleep because of it. 

"Em! Breakfast is ready, mom made it special." Aimee hit at my door forcing me to get up, forgetting that tonight was homecoming and Kyla and Riley were still here.
Quickly I changed out of my clothes and ran a brush through my hair before joining them all in the kitchen. Riley's plate was piled high with pancakes and bacon. She really loved her bacon. Kyla sat next to her with a cup of oj and some toast. Aimee came up beside me nudging me and handing me a plate.
"Help yourself girls." My mom said from the kitchen making more and more food. It was weird having her here and doing things like this. She was making an effort but it felt to me like it was coaxed.
"Morning girls." My dad came down in his pajamas grabbing a mug of coffee that my mom had poured for him. I even saw him give her a quick kiss on the cheek. I think I was the only one noticing how weird this all was. Or maybe I was just in la la land still from not sleeping and kissing my math teacher last night.
"Are you going to eat dear?" My mom asked and I sat next to Riley putting my plate down in front of me.
"I'm not hungry." I ran my fingers through my hair and looked up to her smiling. She frowned but didn't question me as she piled Aimee's plate with food before fixing her own and my fathers.
I let them all enjoy it as I went to sit on the couch turning on the television to a marathon of criminal minds. I always liked the show but never really payed attention if that made sense. I felt like that darker side of me was awakened further. I felt different about things.
"So are you and Aidan going or not going together?" Riley fell down beside me hitting me in the shoulder.
"He kissed me and said he was taking me but we haven't talked since." I shrugged not worried about where we stood. It's been rocky since we met and I wasn't going to force him to give me attention. If he felt better avoiding me, so be it.
"You don't find that weird?" She pushed grabbing the remote from my hands.
"Of course it's weird, but what can I do about it?" I snatched the remote from her and she sort of backed off. I was getting snappy.
"Talk to him? It doesn't sound like you're too happy about it." She softened her voice and sounded concerned now.
"I can't force a boy to talk to me. If he wants me, he'll make an effort." I turned up the tv to avoid proceeding with the conversation. I said what I said and that was it. She sighed and got up from the chair going to go sit in the recliner instead.
"I'm stuffed!" She said loudly so my mom could hear. "Thanks for breakfast Ms.Meyer!"
"Oh not a problem Riley, at least you enjoyed it." She said it like she was disappointed that I hadn't. Or everything just seemed to irk me because I was tired. I needed to take a nap.
I got up from the couch and stopped near my mom with a big fake smile on my face as I said snidely, "At least you're enjoying dad again." I turned away and marched myself to my bedroom where I locked my door and plopped down face first into my bed. I needed to get some sleep before tonight.

•••

I was up just in time to take a shower before everyone was in the bathrooms, applying makeup and doing hair. I needed this little bit of peace for myself before I faced the chaos of laughter and excitement. I had to prep myself before putting on that face. I was more excited for seeing Mr.Holland again tonight, looking at him and holding our secret. Dancing with Aidan I wasn't so sure about. I felt he was going to treat me different seeing how he has not once really talked to me since I confessed my pain. It was easier for him to avoid it because he wasn't being affected as I was. I just wish he would have held me and told me that everything was okay rather than leaving me alone and in even more pain.
I guess that's why I had ended up kissing Mr.Holland.. he gave me the comfort and security I was hoping for from Aidan. He cared and wanted to make it better. He was mature and strong mentally..
I shut my eyes as the hot water caressed my face. It felt so soothing, melding me together so I wouldn't fall apart tonight. Washing away the invisible scars for just a moment. I had only a few more minutes before the water went warm and then cold. I shut it off and stepped out wrapping myself tightly with a towel.
It was going to be ok i told myself. Everything will be okay tonight.