Since Birth

Chapter Thirty Nine

I woke up in a panic the next morning. I had realized I had forgotten to check on him, I had every hour. My head was against his chest and his arms were wrapped around me holding me close so that I could hear the gentle beat of his heart. But when I jumped awake, he had too moving his arms and gasping.
"I'm sorry!" I held my head sitting up. "I forgot to make sure you were still breathing."
He looked over my face and then snorted asking, "You were making sure I didn't die?" His voice was still weak and he still looked ill but he was alive.
"Every hour I made sure you were breathing still, I had to." He rolled his eyes and sat up slowly to meet me.
"I really don't deserve you Em." He smiled and then quickly frowned holding up his finger and then reaching over to grab the garbage can I left for him. He threw up right in front of me and I was surprised I was not queasy. "I'm sorry I'm so gross." He looked up to me and I shook my head chuckling.
"Unfortunately you're still hot with vomit on your face." He grinned looking down grabbing a tissue from the nightstand to wipe his face.
"Thanks but you're going to be late for school you should go so I can be gross by myself."
"You're going to be sick so I'm going to help you today. School can wait." He leaned back on his headboard sighing at me.
"I don't deserve you." He shook his head at me and I smiled.
"That's what friends are for." I got up and I picked up the garbage can and he immediately tried to stop me.
"Em please, let me clean up my own crap." I shook my head and he sucked his teeth.
"No, I'm going to clean this and then make you some food okay? You have to get your strength back up." I left before he could stop me again and I tossed out the vomit bag. I guess I never realized how truly hospitable I could be. Maybe getting into medicine was a good idea for me.
After refilling the trash I washed my hands and cooked up some breakfast for us both. Nothing too heavy, just some whole wheat toast and scrambled eggs. I figured he liked them since Aimee had cooked them once before. I also cut up some fruit and put it all on a tray to bring up to him.
He was more than grateful for it. He smiled at me and laughed a little bit seeming more like himself.
"Where are your parents?" I asked sitting again at the edge of his bed.
"On a trip." He sighed rolling his eyes. "They have been gone for a while now and should be back next week."
"And they left you?" I bit the piece of toast having crumbs cascade down the front of my dress.
"I had to stay, for school." He looked up to me with his eyes looking droopy and dull. "Thanks again for this Em, you're crazy." He gave a short laugh. "Can you help me into the bathroom?" He asked frowning and looking down shameful. "These drugs are kicking my ass and my balance will be shit."
"Yeah!" I put my plate down on the bed and got up to help him off the bed. He groaned and sucked in aim as he got to his feet. He did wobble a bit but I kept him up and helped him into the bathroom.
I didn't want to stay for that so I closed the door and stood there until he had finished. I assumed he was done once the water had gone off. I knocked on the door before I pushed it open and he waved me away.
"Let me try." He said and stepped forward towards me as I watched him carefully. He stopped right in front of me and looked in my eyes. "I'm in love with you, you know." I tensed up blinking several times as I stared back at him. I had balled up my fist tightly just waiting for him to take it back. I didn't want to hear it. Not right now and if I were to get with Issac, not ever. I just kept telling myself that it was just the medication, he was delusional.
"Don't." I finally said searching his eyes. "Please Trev."
He stepped towards me again and I let out a shaky breath feeling myself quiver in fear. I had no idea what I would do if he was going to kiss me.
"I love you and I've treated you so terribly Em," he frowned at himself and bit his bottom lip gently. "I'm a real shitty guy huh?"
"Lets sit back down okay? Let's not do this right now because after last night I can't-" he took one more step and kissed me before I could finish. The tears in my eyes fell down my cheeks and onto our lips.. I kissed him back. I couldn't help myself I just didn't know how I'd ever react with him. There was just something so intoxicating about him that made me lose control.. the way he kissed me with so much power and control, the way he wanted me just made me weak. I was so stupid to fall for it every time but I did.
The kisses were full of passion and meaning, I could just feel our history emerge with every movement. His hands grabbed my waist and I fell into him running my fingers down his cotton t shirt trying to feel him as much as I could. I felt starved. I just couldn't fight it but I had to.
"I like Issac." I said breathless pulling away from him.
"You like him I know, but you love me and you want me." He tried to kiss me again and I turned my head away shutting my eyes tightly.
"You're not well, you're high on those pills and you should rest." I dropped my hands from him and he let go of my waist so I could turn away.
"I meant everything I said Emelie!" His voice sounded as it should, full of compulsion and strength. "I want to be with you." He softened his voice and I turned to look at him shaking my head.
"You didn't want to be with me before Trevor why now? Because of Issac? I know you two know each other and he feels threatened by you." I folded my arms over my chest feeling my mind reel. I couldn't help now but think that this was all a setup. My heart sunk into my chest thinking how he's used me before. What if this was just another attempt?
"I know him and I know that he doesn't like me. That's his problem."
"Was this all a setup?" I asked balling up my fist as I approached him. "Did you intentionally try to kill yourself so that you could-"
He held up his hand to stop me angry now as he said, "Emelie what the fuck? I can't believe that you think I did this for attention, for your attention. I wouldn't-" his face went pale again and I searched his eyes hurt and confused still because he stopped talking.
"Trevor!" I yelled at him angry and wanting to hear the truth. I was prepared to scream at him. Instead he took a step forward furrowing his brows and then gasping, gurgling on his own spit. I walked towards him quickly unsure what was happening and now concerned. "Trevor?" I called to him and he was no longer coherent. His eyes rolled to the top of his head and his body collapsed to the floor like a fallen marionette. I began to panic and fell down beside him as he convulsed and shook hysterically. My heart was racing and my mind had shut off not allowing me to act as quickly as I needed to. He just wouldn't stop shaking and his eyes were fluttering frantically as he flopped like a fish. I could hear him choking and it was the worst sound I could ever imagine to hear. It was horrific.
After my initial shock I had turned him on his side realizing that he was possibly having a seizure. I was in tears trying to help him as spit fell out of his mouth and onto my lap. I didn't know what else I could do so I called the police and explained to them what was happening in a panic. I was devastated.
I did everything they instructed me to do before I heard them downstairs as everything became so dreamlike. The flashing lights... they had to forcibly pull me away from him because I didn't want to leave his side. I thought he was going to die. They were all screaming questions at me but I couldn't process them quick enough and just cried instead. Everything was happening so fast yet so slow that I couldn't even keep up. I was shaking.
They let me board the ambulance with him and I stayed of course holding his hand tightly until we made it to the hospital. They kept asking me questions but I couldn't cooperate. I needed to know that he was okay. It was my fault...
"What's his name?" I was finally calmed once we made it to the hospital and the asked me again.
"Trevor." I looked down at my hands that were still shaking. "Trevor Donovan. He-he's my friend and he- is he okay?" I looked up to the nurse and she looked into my eyes questioningly.
"What's your name?" She asked knitting her brows together.
"Emelie." I nodded quickly searching her hardened look. "Is Trevor okay?" I asked again and she sighed.
"What kind of pills did he take?" She asked sternly and I frowned confused. "His pupils were dilated and his blood pressure was very low. He had a seizure. If you could tell me what pills he's taken we-"
"I don't know." My eyes welled up with tears again and I shook my head looking back down to my hands.
"Emelie!" My eyes shot back up to see my dad running over to me and I immediately jumped up and ran into his arms.
"Daddy!" I cried into his chest shaking as he held me tightly rubbing my back gently.
"It's alright, I'm here for you." He assured me as I sobbed uncontrollably.
"I thought he was going to die!"
"You did the right thing Emelie it's ok." He began to shh me holding my head into his chest.
"What the hell happened?" It was Aimee's voice so I pulled away from our dad and looked at her sorrowfully.
"He tried to kill himself." I sniffled looking into her eyes. "I stayed with him because he called me and- I didn't mean- I should've called the police." I stumbled over my words unsure what I could really say to her. I didn't want her to blame herself for this.
"Em you did what you could." She walked towards me and grabbed and held my hands. "Don't beat yourself up over it." I bit my lip hard seeing her keep herself together over this. I was in shambles. "Issac came with us, he wanted to make sure you were okay." She frowned and let go of my hands so I could see Issac approach.
"Are you alright?" He asked and I felt like crying again.
"Yeah." I grabbed my arm tightly avoiding his gaze. "I'm just shaken up."
He placed his hand on my shoulder and asked, "Is there anything I can do?" I shrugged and looked up to him shyly trying not to keep eye contact.
"I should go see him." I swallowed hard and he nodded understanding.
"Call me later ok?" I nodded and turned away from him and walked to Trevor's room where I was greeted by the nurse again.
"Are you ready to talk?" She asked and I nodded looking down.
"He tried to commit suicide last night and called me. He didn't want his parents to know so he asked me not to call the police. I don't know what kind of pills he took but we made sure he puked as much as he could and I stayed with him to make sure he was okay." I inhaled deeply and looked up to her. "We had a brief argument and then this happened." I looked past her and to Trevor who was hooked up to machines. He had an iv in his arm and his eyes were shut. "Is he ok?" I asked and she nodded quickly.
"He's stable and should be awake soon." She brought her shoulders back and looked to me sternly. "Next time you should all the police. He could've suffered more damage given the amount of medication going through his blood stream." She gave me one look and then walked off to leave us alone.
I immediately went over to his bed and held his hand tightly crying all over again. It had been a few hours before he had even moved.
"What the hell happened to my son?" I could hear her talking to the nurses outside of the door. "Why the hell didn't anyone call me!?" She sounded enraged and the nurses tried to calm her down but she had in turned barged into the room pushing the door open.
I looked up to her and she had tears in her eyes looking to Trevor before looking to me almost accusingly. "What happened to my baby?" She asked and I got up from the chair picking at my nails nervously. She sucked her teeth and immediately went to grab the chart from the bed pulling down her glasses to skim over it quickly. "I thought he had his seizures under control." She clicked her tongue and shook her head as his father came up behind her holding the hand of his little sister.
"Go easy on her darling." He said before looking up to me. "It's not your fault Aimee."
"Emelie." Trevor groaned correcting him and moving slowly. "That's not Aimee dad."
"I'm sorry." Mr. Donovan looked to me apologetic. "Thank you Emelie."
I looked to Trevor and he still had his eyes closed but he squeezed my hand tightly.
"We thought the cbd and hemp would help his seizures." His mom put the chart back and walked up to his bed. "Thank you for being there for him when we couldn't Emelie." She rubbed his leg gently. "He hadn't had one in years so we figured he would be okay." They had no idea about the attempted suicide..
I sighed and looked back to him hoping he would tell them or his mom would notice on the chart.
His mother was a tough woman from what I remembered. She looked just like Trevor with the dark hair and daring blue eyes. She could intimidate just about anyone she came in contact with and I liked that. She was strong. But the death of her daughter had made her cold. It had changed all of them. His father became more sensitive and gentle being sure to be there for his little sister Iris. His eldest brother, Trent, had left Red Hue before it happened and had moved back because of it though he was still distant. Trevor had changed as well and it seemed to be for the best. He focused on sports and school and was one of the best in our class at everything. Though I knew with Aimee he had a dark side, he dabbled in drugs and alcohol probably because he was suffering. He loved his sister and when she was gone he was broken but he pushed on. This was a wake up call.
"Emelie could I have a moment outside?" His mother grabbed my attention as Iris came and began to talk to Trevor.
"Of course." I got up and followed her out of the room already know exactly what she was going to ask. "Yes?" I said and she surprisingly let her guard down and inhaled deeply letting out a shaky breath.
"I lost my daughter as you know already and it was a big loss for all of us." She swallowed hard and looked down to me knowingly, pursing her lips together to keep herself together. "What happened last night?" She asked and I shook my head biting at my bottom lip. "You need to tell me because I care about son and this wasn't just a seizure. I saw the charts." Whenever she spoke it was always quick and to the point. She never beat around the bush.
I swallowed hard and looked up to her regrettably. "He called me last night after a date and he sounded awful but he told me that he needed me so I went immediately. We found him on the bathroom floor and he- he looked like he was ill and sick. I didn't know what to do but he asked me not to call the police because he didn't want you to know." I looked away from her and shook my head disappointed in myself. "Issac had found the pills and forced him to throw them up. He must've taken almost half the bottle. I stayed with him all night and made sure he was breathing. I stayed to make sure he stayed alive that night."
She was holding back tears and kicked her lips looking to the wall behind me asking, "Did he tell you why he wanted to die?"
"He said he wanted to be with her again, he wanted to be with Claire."