congratulations || jeongchan

- 25 - Slow -

I hate that you're happy

Jeongin saw the flicker in Chan's eyes when he begged him to stay. He saw the small part of Chan that wanted to say "fuck it" and follow Jeongin to the ends of the universe. He also saw the overwhelming part screaming at the elder to leave, that Jeongin was toxic. That this was all so wrong. Obviously that part won.

And so Jeongin was left with the uncomfortable silence that was Hyunjin and Changbin. Woojin had excused himself, saying that he had to meet up with a friend. A lie? Almost certainly. Did Jeongin blame him for it? Not at all.

The boy set about clearing up the table, rinsing the plates in luke warm water and then drying them with a dish cloth that was already soaked through. The water splashed his shirt, causing irritatingly weighted patches to form. And, on top of that, his stomach was beginning to cramp. This was why he only ever dried dishes. Cleaning left him a soaking and miserable mess.

He was alone in the kitchen by this stage. Hyunjin was probably moping somewhere and Changbin had muttered something before storming out. Jeongin wanted to go to the playground for some peace of mind, but instead he was doing his best friend's dirty dishes after being left behind by his soulmate. What a wonderful life.

Leaving the plates stacked on the work surface, Jeongin burrowed into his jacket and left the flat. In a flash, he was soaked by the downpour, but he carried on walking. He disregarded the cold and wet, just wanting to find comfort somewhere. It was just unfortunate that he had no idea where.

His headphones found their way over his once fluffy hair, now greasy because he had been unable to pay the water bill in his apartment. The mellow tunes lulled him into some form of security, dulling the sharp pinpricks of pain that dashed his mind. Dulling him entirely as it tried to subdue his anger.

Jeongin knew that his anger was unjustified. Chan was allowed to do whatever he wanted. It was admirable that he was helping his friend, he didn't have to do anything for his irritating ex-boyfriend.

Time passed as he continued to wander aimlessly through the sheets of rain. The air was thick with it and he could taste the scent of mildew when he inhaled. The few cars that passed were in a hurry to get from nowhere to anywhere and the even fewer people seemed to walk at a run. Street lamps illuminated unforgiving potholes and puddles reflected endless blackness back at the boy.

Cool beads of rain trickled down the back of his jacket and caused his shirt to stick awkwardly to his skin. The faded paint of the road markings seemed to signify eternity. Eternal warning. Eternal hopelessness. Eternal loss. His fingernails dug into the skin of his palm as he finally let himself acknowledge the truth.

"This isn't me." 

His voice was lost in the roar of a passing car and there was nobody there to hear it except for him. Maybe that was how it was meant to be. Just Jeongin. Somehow finding the ability to brave the world. Just Jeongin. Maybe that was what he was going to have to come to terms with. 

He choked violently and blood came up.

He didn't have enough money for his medication.

It hurt to admit it, but maybe it was quite simple. 

Maybe Chan didn't need Jeongin in the same way that Jeongin needed Chan.

A single tear fell from his cheek and mixed with the blood on the pavement.

A/N - What's this? Updating on time?