When the day met the night Part 2

Chapter Thirteen

I sighed as I felt his lips trailing kisses along my neck up to my lips, lightly, his lips soft and warm. "I've missed you baby" he murmured against them. His fingers gently traced patterns around my neck and along the top of my singlet. As his kisses became firmer and more urgent I slowly opened my eyes and realized what was happening. He had roused me from my sleep, waking my body up. He knew I was in need, had no doubt seen it in my body language after his display in the bathroom earlier. Could I let him make love to me, despite my anger and everything that had happened? All of this inner conversation happened within moments, long enough for me to come to my senses. "Shit, Jared stop, stop it" I said bringing up my hands, one pushed against his chest and the other grabbed his wrist. He slowly pulled his hand away. "Harper, why? You can't switch off your feelings just like that, I know you want me as much as I want you, please ..." he whispered. "No, I can't, I can't do it" I said shaking my head, almost breathlessly, trying to get my body under control. "But ..." he started to argue. I stopped him, "Please, don't ... you've been with another woman and I'm sorry but, I can't stop thinking about that" I said, hating the words coming out of my mouth. But it was the truth and though I craved his touch, I couldn't get past his betrayal. "I haven't been with anyone but you, I don't know what else I can say that will make you believe me" he said in a hurt voice lying back, running his hand through his hair. "What are you going to tell her? How will you explain to her that we won't be together?" he said angrily. I knew he was trying to use guilt as a way to get me to go back to LA with him. "I don't know yet Jared, I can't think straight at the moment, and I'm well aware that there's no way explain it to her without being the bad guy" I said sadly. "No that's me isn't it?" he said with a short sarcastic laugh. "I always knew this would happen" I said sadly. "What?" he said curiously. "That ... you would ... " I stopped not sure how to go on. "Say it" he demanded. "Nothing, nothing, just forget about it, I'm tired, I want to go to sleep" I said. "No tell me!" he said adamantly. "I knew you would do this eventually, you'd never be happy with just me" I whispered, as I spoke I turned away from him, curling up as much as I could, trying to hide myself from him, physically and emotionally. "Jesus Harper, is that really what you think? I've never ever given you a reason to doubt how much I love you" he said angrily, his voice rising. "Please ... I don't want to talk" I begged. "You've always held something back, I thought after we had Bluebell that would change, that you would give me your heart completely. But you never did and I never wanted to believe it, but it's true. You doubt how much I love you, that I'll stay with you, I don't know what else I can possibly do to make you see that I'm here, I'm not going anywhere, that I do love you" he said accusingly. I shook my head, "I don't need you to analyze me Jared!" I cried, "I should trust you completely so that what? You can lie and cheat on me!" I snapped. But he wasn't finished. "That's why you believe that I'm guilty, because it validates your feelings, it proves you're right, fuck Harper, I'm not that asshole, I'm not going to cheat on you, don't make me pay for someone else's mistakes" he said, he took hold of my shoulder and gently turned me towards him. I couldn't listen anymore, I covered my face with my hands to hide the tears. I knew what he was saying was true, but I couldn't, didn't want to admit that after all this time, I still let the past affect my present. But how could I not let it? It was like my past was being repeated, but this time it was worse. He pulled me against his chest, but I suddenly reared up and pushed him away. "Don't! I might be insecure, but you fucked up and nothing you can say can change that" I hissed. He looked at me in shock, my heart sank as I saw the defeat on his face. I hung my head in dismay as he got up and walked out the door without another word.