When the day met the night Part 2

Chapter Fourteen

Despite my reluctance, I gave in and we went back to LA with him. I still planned on returning to London and he knew that. I was going back to pack up our things. I didn't think I could ever get past what had happened, I didn't tell him this, I didn't have the heart to tell him just yet. He continued to protest his innocence, but promising he wouldn't force me to stay if I really wanted to leave. I was exhausted by the time we'd gotten back. I was 34 weeks now and growing bigger by the day. We got in late and by the time I'd put Bluebell to bed I was almost ready to collapse. As I walked past the door of the lounge I heard him ask, "are you going up?" I paused mid step. "Yes" I said barely looking at him. "Okay, I'm going to come up as well I'm exhausted" he said, I raised my eyebrows at him, "well there's plenty of spare rooms, you can stay in one of those until we leave then it's all yours again" I said looking away. He looked up at me with narrowed eyes, "I won't be staying in any other room but ours" he said. "That's not fair I'm not comfortable anywhere else" I snapped, "I never asked you to leave, but it's my bed too and I'm sleeping in it" he snapped back. "It was always yours, I was just one of the many invited into it" I said bitterly and stormed off. My back was hurting tonight, so there was no way I was moving to another room. I just hoped I'd be asleep by the time he came up. I drifted off into a restless sleep. My dreams were erratic, strange. Then they drifted into a totally different direction. I dreamt of us, a happy reunion where we'd been ecstatic to see one another and he'd made love to me passionately igniting the fire that was always burning. I woke myself up with a soft moan, my body drenched in sweat and feeling totally frustrated. "Harper, hey, what's wrong, are you okay?" I heard his voice and felt his hand on my arm, "yes I'm fine why?" I said sitting up, momentarily disoriented. "I walked in and you were calling out my name that's why" he said, I groaned inwardly, fuck! "You must have misheard, I wasn't calling out your name, I'm fine" I said. He nodded, but I could tell he didn't believe me. I silently cursed my body for wanting him so badly, it seemed I needed him even in my dreams. I turned to see him climb into bed. I exhaled angrily, I knew there was no way I could be in the same bed as him. Not after that dream. I slowly got up and started heading for the door. "Where are you going?" he said sitting up, "anywhere but here, with you" I said sighing in frustration, "why?" he said sharply, "why do you think? I can't sleep in the same bed as you, you want to act like we're still together, still happy, when we're not" I snapped. As my hand grabbed the door knob I felt his hand on my arm. "Go back to bed" he growled low and angry, putting his hand against the door so I couldn't open it. "Let me out" I said flatly. "No, go back to bed" he ordered. "Don't order me around, let me go" I repeated, trying to remain calm. "Go back to bed Harper, I'll leave" he said quietly now. I looked up at him, the hurt evident on his face. My heart was breaking, I moved to sit on the side of the bed. He stood leaning on the back of the door, he had dropped his head and looked down at the carpet. The room was still dark, the only light was coming from the moon shining in through the windows. "You've ruined everything, wasn't what we had enough, wasn't I enough? Just tell me why? Is it because I'm pregnant? Aren't you .... don't you want me anymore .... you prefer some skinny groupie?" I whispered, hardly able to get out the words, for fear of what the answer would be. "Of course you are, it's always been enough! How can you say that? I can never keep my hands off you Harper" he said almost growling and he began pacing. "Until something better comes along" I said sadly. He spun around and walked over, kneeling down in front of me, I shook my head and lay down. "Don't!! you know that's not true! don't you dare say that!" he said sharply. "How can I believe you? What if I always have doubt, I can't live like that..." I whispered, my voice breaking as the tears slowly rolled down my cheeks. "I want to believe you but I don't know if I can get past it ...." I said truthfully. "I'm not sure how I can make you believe me, short of flying those girls over and making them tell you nothing happened" he said sadly. He took hold of my hand, "can you just walk away, after everything?" he said, now his voice was a whisper. I looked into his eyes, "how can you say that? I'm dying inside, I've given you everything, despite what you think, I've shared things with you that I've never shared with another soul, I had your child and I'm carrying another one, but I don't think I can stay knowing you've been with someone else, you've let them touch you, please you ..." I said, the tears that had been threatening start to fall. "If I had done it, I'd be begging you for forgiveness, I can't ask you to forgive me for something I haven't done" he said sitting back on his calves. I bit my lip, "what are you afraid of, that you'll believe me and I'll laugh at you behind your back? I've got too much respect for you to treat you like that and I think deep down you know it" he said simply, he lifted his hand and slowly ran his fingers down my cheek. I shivered at his touch, I'd missed it. "I wish this whole thing had never happened" I whispered. "I wish you'd believe that nothing happened, that what I'm telling you is the truth" he said sadly. He lay down next to me again, both of us in silence, lost in our own thoughts. I ran my hand across my back absentmindedly. "What's wrong?" he asked, "my back, it's sore" I murmured. He moved over and I felt his hand on my back, "tell me where" he said. I grabbed his hand and moved it to where it was the most painful. He gently started to massage it, I closed my eyes at the relief, my body relaxing as the pain eased. "Better?" he said starting to stop. "Yes, much better thank you" I sighed. "That's okay, is there anything else I can do?" he asked, moving up against my body sliding his arm around me. "No, thank you" I said quietly. I could feel his warm breath against my neck, I didn't know if I could leave him, the thought of never being with him, was almost too much for me to bear. "Harper I love you, please stay, stay with me, I can't bear to think of you not being here with me, of us not being together" he whispered into my ear, echoing my thoughts. "I don't want to lose you" he said. "I need more time Jared, I can't just... I can't just forget about it, it's not something I can get past easily" I said trying to clear my head, his sudden closeness was making me dizzy, but then that's what he was aiming for I had no doubt. "Okay baby, take as long as you need" he said softly, kissing my neck. I finally allowed my body to relax, I let myself melt into him as I had wanted to do for weeks. His arms tightened around me and he buried his face into the side of my neck. I could almost hear the contentment as he exhaled and for the first time in a while I fell into a content and peaceful sleep. Jared's POV - I knew she was struggling with the extra weight of the baby, I had watched her with growing concern become thinner and more tired. I was to blame for it and even though I had done nothing wrong, I hated that I was the cause for bringing her so much heartache. When I started to massage her back, I could feel for myself how thin she had become and I felt a pang of worry. I heard her sigh and finally relax in my arms, accepting my embrace, no longer stiff and distant. I suddenly felt a small sliver of hope.