I'm torn.

Chapter 6.

I read the rest of the article, it was full bullshit, saying I flew out to the US to see Zayn & we've been having secret dates, I really wonder how people make these stupid rumors & how some people actually believe them. Reading this is just making even more mad, & then I go on twitter & my mentions are blowing up, all about Zayn. Some of them are so rude, I don't even understand. 

I read the same question over & over "Are you & Zayn dating? x" It's getting annoying, people thinking we're actually together, I finally reply to some girl's tweet. "No, we're not, @JoshDevineDrums is my boyfriend! x"  After that, things started to die down a bit, & there was no articles on how "I'm the drummer's girlfriend." Theses people really have no life, they update everything so quickly. 

I've been laying around the house in Josh's shirt all day, just laying there one tumblr like a potato. He's supposed to be home soon, so I decide to take a shower, & not look like a slob. 

I walk into the bathroom & turn the shower on, waiting for it get warm. I discard the t-shirt, leaving me in my undergarments. I just look at myself in the mirror. I hate when I did this. I point out every flaw on my body. My thighs are too wide, my stomach is too big, my waist isn't small enough, my boobs are big enough, my bum isn't firm enough. I can feel the tears start to prick in my eyes. I didn't want to cry, but I couldn't help it. 

I closed my eyes as the tears streamed down my cheeks, I hated how I looked, & it didn't make me feel any better dating someone who looks as perfect as Josh. I didn't realize Josh was home & came into the bathroom until I felt his arms wrap around my waist. His front faced my back since I was pushed up against the sink looking towards the mirror. "The boys are here." he says, & then he notices the tears. "What's wrong?" he asked into my ear, quietly. I shook my head, not wanting to talk about it. 

"Hey, look." he said pointing at the mirror. "This girl right here is absolutely beautiful, she's perfect in absolute every way. From the way her hair falls, the way her eyes light up when she smile, the way her mouth turns into that perfect smile. She has nothing to be upset about because she's perfect & beautiful, & funny & loving & I love her so much." he mumbles into my ear. "Josh, I love you, but you kinda have to say that." I say, looking down.

Josh turns me around & sits me on top of the counter. "If you're not going to believe me, let me show you how beautiful you are." he says, his hands already roaming my sides. His lips connecting to mine. He slips his tongue into mine, exploring every part of my mouth. He grinds his privates into mine, & I moan into his mouth causing him to smirk. 

His lips travel down to my jaw, onto my neck, leaving wet kisses along the way. My hands run through his hair as he sucks on my sweet spot. His hands roam to the back of my bra & he quickly unhooks it & slide it off of me. He steps back & looks at me. This is when I start to feel my face get red, I always get so embarrassed even though I know Josh wasn't looking at me in a bad way. 

"Beautiful." he mumbled before attacking my neck again before massaging them. "Josh." I moan, barely above a whisper. "You're so beautiful." he says into my neck. 

I slide my hands under his shirt, signaling him to take it off, & he gets the hint. He pulls off his shirt quickly & I slide down his jeans just leaving him in his boxers. "Hey...we have to be quiet." Josh says. I nod quickly & bring his lips back to mine. He pulls down my panties & smiles. "Absolutely beautiful." he says before kissing me again. I slide my fingers under the waistband of his boxers & pulled them down in one swift motion.

He stepped away for a second grabbing a condom out of one of the drawers & handing it to me. 

His length rubbed against my thigh & I gently opened the condom letting the wrapper fall wherever & slide it onto him making him groan. Once It's completely on, I pretty much lunged for him. I wrapped my legs around his waist, & he kissed me once more before looking at me for approval. "You ready?" he asks, eagerly. I nod quickly & he slides himself into me. I gasp at all the sudden pleasure & close my eyes. Josh moves his hips at a steady pace, pressing onto mine.

Josh looked straight into my eyes before pressing his forehead onto mine. His breathing was getting heavy & his thrusts were getting faster, I know he's trying to make this last as long as possible.

I can feel the knot in my stomach telling me I'm close. "Josh, please go faster." I beg in between thrust. He nods & starts thrusting faster, & crashing his hips into mine even harder. My nails were digging into his back, & I feel like I can't stop these moans he's causing. I don't even think about them hearing how loud I am, fuck I don't care if the whole neighborhood hears me.  

I throw my head back & close my eyes as Josh rams into me, completely letting my orgasm take over, & that sends Josh over the edge & releases completely inside me, he leans almost completely on top of me, not being able to support his own wait at the moment. 

I run my fingers through his damp hair, until we are able to catch our breath. "You're beautiful." he says one last time before kissing me gently. 

~~~~Zayn's POV.~~~~

Niall told me to go upstairs to see what was taking Josh so long, I really didn't want to go up there, just because it'd be awkward, anyways, I walk into Josh's room since the door was open, I walk inside, but no one's there & then I look to my side, to see the most horrifying sight, they were having sex, in his bathroom door wide open. 

I can just imagine that being me. Making her feel like nobody else can, that should be, she should be with me, not with him. God, I wanted her. It sickens me seeing her head thrown back, hearing her moan his name. I can feel my stomach turn & I run into the guest bathroom he had & threw up, I couldn't handle watching that. 

I walk back to the boys & they all look at me. "Scarred for life." I mumble. 

God I needed her back. 

Josh walks back to us nearly 20 minutes later. "You two were having some fun." Niall says, Josh smirks, & that makes me feel even more sick than before. 

"I should go, I'm not feeling well." I say before storming out of the house before the boys could protest.

They knew I couldn't drive, but I didn't want to go home. I just want to remember. I want to remember what we used to have. I walked back to our old school. We always sat underneath the third tree, everyday when we had recess or whatever. 

I sat there & just thought about all of our memories. Everything. 

I couldn't take it, I pulled out my phone & called her. I knew she wouldn't answer, but I didn't want her to. I waited so I can finally leave her a voice-mail. 

"I love you y/n so fucking much. That should be me making you happy, I know we can make this happen, just please, let's fix this. Let's go back to normal. Please..." I say my voice cracking, & I hang up.