I'm torn.

Chapter 8.

I cannot believe I'm agreeing to this. Hell, I can't believe I pretty much just made out with Zayn, I really don't know what's gotten in me. I'm definitely not the type of girl who would ever cheat, but something about Zayn made me want to. I don't know it's just like I love Josh with my whole heart, & I can't imagine being without him but I still have obvious feelings for Zayn, it just makes me want to give us a chance & see where it leads us. 

After I departed from Zayn at the park I went back to Josh's, the boys had left, & I can tell he was bothered. "Where did you go?" he asks. "I went for a walk." I say. "You could've told me." he says. "Oh my god. I'm so sorry, dad." I say rolling my eyes. "What's up with you today? I thought we were all good..the things that happened in the bathroom seemed pretty well, but now, you're acting different." he says. "I don't know, I'm sorry." I say, going in & giving him a hug. 

"I just...I want you to tell me if anything's wrong...I can't deal with losing you." he says into my hair. My heart drops, I don't know if I can do this, Josh genuinely loves me, but when Zayn kissed me, there was something there, that I can't let pass me up. 

"I'm fine Josh...don't worry about it." I say. He nods. "I think I should go home." I say. "What, why?" he asks. "Joshua, I have school tomorrow." I say. "I can drive you in the morning." he says. "I don't have any clothes." I say. "If you don't want to stay, just say it." he says. "Josh, you know I want to, it's just I don't have my things here." I say. I can see the pout starting on his face. "What about, you sleep over my house? My parents are already sleeping." I offer. He beams up a bit "Alright babe, sounds good." he says. 

A little while later we were at my house, both in bed & trying to fall asleep, I knew what Josh wanted, but honestly, I just wasn't in the mood right now, I just wanted to sleep. So, I rolled onto my side & he sighed. 

---

I woke up the next morning & it was already 10 am, shit, I was extremely late. "Josh saw me starting to panic. "What's wrong babe?" he asks. "It's 10! I'm like two hours late!" I say, starting to get up & go to the bathroom & changing. I put my hair up & put a minimal amount of make up on. "You need me to drive you?" he asks. "No it's alright, I can drive." I say. 

We both head out of the house, & Josh goes one way & I go the other. There's honestly really no point in my going to school, so I call myself in, of course I don't tell Josh that. 

I decide to call Zayn, after about three rings he finally answers. "Hello?" he says in a groggy voice, he obviously just woke up. "Malik, wanna do something today?" I ask. "Of course, but don't you have school?" he asks. "I woke up late, there's no point in going." I say. "Oh alright, well you can come over if you want, we can hangout over here." he says. "Alright, I'll be there in a few." I say. 

It legit takes like five minutes to get to Zayn's from here, but I decide to stop at starbucks & get us both something to drink & then head over to his house. 

I got out of my car to the familiar house, he was staying at his parent's house, & I knew this place too well. I went up to the door & rang the doorbell. The door opened & I saw his mom. "y/n!" she says happily before hugging me. "You've grown up so much! You're so beautiful!" she says. "Ah, thanks Mrs. Malik." I say giving her a smile. "Zayn hasn't been able to stop talking about you lately!" she says. "Stop!" Zayn yells coming down the stairs. "Alright, alright, I'll leave! I have to go for a meeting anyways!" she says. "It was nice seeing you y/n!" she yells. "You too, Mrs. Malik." I say. 

I look at Zayn, his hair was disheveled, the blonde pushed down onto his forehead, he was shirtless, his abs shown perfectly, & he was wearing a pair of sweat pants, god, he was perfect. 

Once the door is closed, Zayn smiles & walks over to me. He places his hands on my waist & pulls me close to him before kissing me lightly, before saying "Ditching school for me eh?" he says smirking, his mouth still just a few inches a way from mine. "Well, if I want to hangout with the BradfordBadBoi, I gotta be bad sometimes, right?" I ask. He chuckles before kissing me again. 

"God, I love being able to do that." he says. "What? This?" I ask before kissing him. I can feel him smirk into the kiss, "Yes that." he says. 

We finally pull away & I hand him his drink before we go upstairs to his room. I sit on his unmade bed, he clealy just awoken from. His room was far too familiar, I look around & I see all the pictures of us, god we've changed so much. 

I look at the nightstand to see a picture of us in grade eight. My hair was all big, I had glasses & braces. "Ew, take this down." I say. He crawls over me, basically straddling me to see what picture I was talking about. He looks down at me before saying "No..it reminds me when everything was perfect." He kisses me again, this time it was less eager, but more sorta...loving? 

He pulled away & looked down at me, & smiled. "You're beautiful, you know that?" he asks. I can feel my cheeks getting red. "Shut up Zayn." I say, laughing. "No, I mean it, you're honestly the most beautiful girl I've ever seen." he says. I peck his lips before sitting up. 

The rest of the day, we listened to music, took weird pictures, ate & watched movies, I couldn't ask for anything more, today, was perfect. 

I heard my phone start to ring, it was Josh. 

I put my finger to my lips to signal for Zayn to be quiet, he nodded & I answered the phone. "Hello." I say. "Hey babe, what are you doing?" he asks. "Nothing, just got out of school, driving to Jess's house." I say, lying surprisingly well. "Oh, well have fun." he says. "Alright, I'll talk to you later." I say before hanging up. 

I sigh, running my hands through my hair. "Zayn..this is wrong." I say. "I know...but you can't tell me you don't feel anything  between us." he says. "I do..." I say. "Well, if we keep feeling this, let's keep seeing each other, but if you decide you want Josh over me, We'll end it, okay?" he asks.

I nod..."Alright Zayn." I say.