close as strangers ↣ joshler ✓

16. Realization

Tyler was sitting at his desk, filling out what seemed like never-ending paperwork. He was supposed to leave at five but he ended up staying late to due to the fact he had gotten a new last minute patient that day at four thirty. She been a twelve year old girl that was dealing with her parents' divorce. Her mom said she had had a breakdown and she panicked and brought her to the mental health center. She honestly seemed fine to Tyler but so did a lot of people so he wasn't going to discredit it.

He finally finished filling out the last thing he needed to and let out a tired sigh. His eyes glanced at the clock on the wall. 9:15. He had been up since 7 and he was exhausted.

Standing up, Tyler grabbed his bag off the floor and set in in his chair. He turned around so his back was facing the door and began putting his things into the bag. He wasn't even done with all his paper work but wanted to call it a night. He had stuff from Josh's session two days prior he still had to fill out. He was seeing this new girl every Saturday and he had gotten an email about another patient earlier that day who was coming in every Monday; he was starting to feel the stress of his new job. He knew he was expected to be seeing 20-30 patients a week as soon as he's been there longer but the last minute patients is what makes him tired.

Tyler was in the middle of clipping papers together with binder clips and setting them in folders when he heard a sigh of relief. It was followed by a gentle knock on his open door and he turned around.

He saw it was just Josh and let a small smile rest on his mouth. "You scared me," he chuckled. However, his smile soon turned to a frown when he saw Josh was crying. "Hey, what's wrong?"

The blonde took a deep breath and his lip quivered. "I'm sorry," he choked out. "I didn't know if you were gonna be here and I- I don't have your number anymore or your address or anything so I took the chance. I knows it-it's not Thursday but I needed someone to talk to I hope you don't—"

Tyler cut Josh off by walking over to him. "Can I hug you?"

Josh just nodded, the tears running down his face. Tyler instantly pulled him for an embrace, rubbing Josh's back as he cried into Tyler's shoulder. The tears would more than likely wrinkle his dress shirt but that didn't matter. He had to make sure Josh was okay. "It's okay," Tyler soothed. "It's gonna be okay. Don't ever apologize for needing help. Ever. You can talk to me whenever you want, okay?" He pulled back and looked a red and blotchy faced Josh. "Hand me your phone."

With a shaky hand, Josh grabbed the requested item out of his back pocket and handed it over with a shaking hand. Tyler instantly grabbed it and opened the contacts, re-adding his number after all the years that have passed.

He handed Josh his phone back and got out his own, going to the long list of numbers he had blocked (he got way too many spam calls) and finding Josh's. He still had it memorized. He put his phone away as well. "There. Call me or text me whenever you need to. It's easier than you taking a chance and driving here," he offered Josh a gentle smile but the blonde just let out another sob and hugged him once again in return. Tyler rubbed his back once again before speaking in a soft voice. "Let's go sit down, okay?"

Josh nodded and pulled back, wiping his eyes. He saw that there was a giant wet stain on Tyler's shoulder from his tears. "Sorry," he frowned.

"Don't be. C'mon," Tyler reached his hand out and Josh grabbed it, the two walking over to the couch and sitting on it.

Tyler went to let go of Josh's hand but the blonde just held onto to it tighter. "I just need to. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Tyler nodded, worry filling his body. He had never, ever seen Josh like this. He's never seen him look this broken. "Do you wanna talk about it? Maybe I can help if you tell me what's wrong."

Josh sniffled, his red and teary eyes searching Tyler's. "Reagan and I broke up."

Tyler would be lying if he said a little part of him wasn't relieved. It was a terrible thought though so he let his sympathy take over. "Oh shit. I'm so sorry, J."

"Me too," Josh nodded. "I loved her so much. I still do."

"What happened?"

"She uh..." Josh swallowed thickly. "She had a pregnancy scare and when we found out it was negative I told her I could never be a dad and she said was secretly hoping she was pregnant and she wanted to have kids no matter what. I guess I never told her I didn't want them cause I wanted to make her happy. I should have said something though cause look where we are now," he let out shaky, dry, humorless laugh.

"I know this is a dumb question but are you okay? Not only did you just break up with your girlfriend of five years but you thought you were going to have to be a dad. Your emotions are all over the place," Tyler told him, his eyes searching every aspect of Josh's face.

"No, I'm not okay right now," he shook his head, a tear slipping down his face. "But I think I will be. This is different than it was with us. This was mutual and we knew it was for the best. I'm not saying you weren't hurt because obviously you were but I could see that Reagan was in just as much pain as me and it made everything a little better— just knowing we were both in the same boat. I'm older now and I'm trying to get better so I think I will be okay eventually."

Tyler watched Josh speak, the blonde looking down at the couch the whole time. Tyler couldn't help but feel the way his heart was thudding in his chest, the way it swelled with worry when Josh came into his office crying. The way it realized that he'd still do anything for this man.

The way it realized he was still in love with Josh.

Tyler gulped, forcing a gentle smile on his face. "I'm proud of you, Josh. For wanting to get better and not letting this affect you more than you can handle it affecting you."

Josh looked up, his brown eyes meeting Tyler's. "I'm proud of myself too."