All of this past

We meet again

"I'm... okay, I guess. Been better, but been worse too." It wasn't a lie. It wouldn't make sense to lie to him, because he would probably see right through it. Even though it had been ages since we'd last seen each other, he was the first one who knew absolutely everything about me. Like when I felt bad, or when I lied. Or when I needed to be alone. He looked pretty much the same as he used to. He had aged a bit in his face, but not too much, and I suppose his dyed hair covered up for a part of the aging. He still had that same cheeky grin that made his dimples show, I was sure he could make women faint over it. But he also still had his genuine smile. I could tell it wasn't one he showed much when he was out in public, but I had seen it earlier, when he had finished his last song.

"How are you Harry?" I really wanted to know, and the look in his eyes showed me he would tell me the truth anyway.

"Tired. It's just... draining sometimes, going on stage and playing almost 2 hours worth of songs all by yourself. But other than that, I'm good." He seemed to realise it only when he said it, a small smile pulling on his lips. Both of us sat looking at the bar, or at our hands holding on to our glasses. It didn't feel awkward to be here though, spending time with him again actually felt comfortable, comforting even, maybe. Even if we sat in silence for minutes.

I started turning my glass around between my fingers, making it swirl through the wet patches on the bar, creating a large trail of water. He put his hand on mine, making me stop and looked me in the eyes. I gulped. The intensity of his look was overwhelming.

"Sorry," was all he said, returning his gaze to his hand. He seemed to think that he had crossed a line, which I didn't agree with but I didn't know how to say so.

"Do you... Do you really think I'll learn to live again?" I asked him softly. He looked up, his eyes warm and soft.

"Of course. Maybe not today, tomorrow, next week or even next year. But you're strong Liam. You've always been. You'll get through this somehow."

"I don't know Harry. It's so fucking hard. Not only losing the one you love." A humourless chuckle left my lips. "I've done that before, but this time, it seems even harder. Or maybe I've just forgotten how hard it was back then. But still. We had a life together. The five of us. And now I'm stuck on my own. I sometimes wonder how I made it through the day when I get to bed in the evening. And it doesn't even have to be a extraordinary day, just the usual routine of getting the kids to school, go to work, cook, clean, check on their homework, bring them to football practice or art academy or whatever it is, get them to bed in time without feeling like I have hardly spoken to them. And then, when they're all in bed and the kitchen is tidy again and I can walk around in the bathroom without stumbling over their clothes, towels and make up, there's the silence. That's even worse than running around all day and not knowing what to do first. Him not being there to talk to, not being able to listen to his stories about his day. I hate the fact that I can hardly remember his voice. There's pictures and videos and everything, but it's all so different from how he really was." I stopped talking, suddenly ashamed of my rant about David. I didn't want to do this, I didn't want to ruin tonight by talking only about my loss, about how I missed him. It wasn't fair on Harry. "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry for talking about him Li. I don't mind. I really don't."

"No, I shouldn't be putting this on you, again. Not now anyway. Tell me something happy." I pushed away the sadness that always came over me when I thought about losing him, not wanting to feel it right now, even though I knew it would come back when I was in bed, alone.

He chuckled. "Something happy?"

"Yeah, about your cats or something. I mean, Batman? Really Haz?"

"Hey! That makes perfectly good sense! He's black, and the other one is called Robin anyway. Now they only need a bat cave."

I snickered and shook my head at his cheekiness. "The worst thing of it all is that I can actually see you building one for them."

"Uh. No. Not at all." he replied, a blush tinting his cheeks.

"You're kidding right?"

He bit his lip as he looked up, a sparkle in his green eyes. "Gemma said she'd take me to a shrink if I did, so I decided against it."

I let out a laugh, surprising myself with the sound. He smiled at me, before he noticed my glass was empty, as well as his, and he ordered another round from the bartender.

"It's the last one guys, I'm closing up soon." he warned as he put our drinks down on the bar.

"How is Gemma?"

"Great. She's still teaching English in college, she stopped teaching for a while when Ethan and Louise were little, but she missed it too much, so she went back when they both had started school. These kids, I swear, they're the best. Wish they were mine."

"Na-ah. You're only saying that because you haven't met mine." I teased, emptying my glass as the bartender was shooting us dirty looks for the last five minutes.

He grinned, slamming his own glass on the bar as he drank half of his beer in one go. "If they're anything like you, I'm sure they'd give Ethan and Louise a run for their money Li. What do you say about going for another drink?"

"I don't know Harry, it's late and..."

"And the kids are on a sleep over so you have time. Come on, stop being the responsible adult for a bit Li. I want to talk some more. Please?"

His pout looked more ridiculous than anything else, but I gave in anyway. He was right, nobody was waiting for me at home, so why not enjoy this for a little bit longer?

"Good boy!" I shot him a glare as he ruffled my hair. "Are you hungry? I am actually. I know a nice place down the road, come on!"

I chuckled at his enthusiasm and jumped off my bar stool to catch up with him, already halfway down the hall.

Sorry it's short and a bit crappy, but I couldn't really focus. More to come later or tomorrow or something!