All of this past

Would you?

I had texted Liam back that I refused to be called old, and I could handle my booze still very well before I put down my guitar. I had attempted to write some new songs all day long, but I hadn't been able to get something good out of my hands. My mind kept spinning with thoughts about yesterday. What was this feeling that showed up as soon as I laid eyes on Liam in the bar? I told myself over and over that we were only friends and our love story was far behind us, but his brown eyes kept on popping up in my head. I had given up, and went to watch a corny movie on tv as I drank the last few glasses of whiskey from the bottle I had gotten myself for my birthday.

The confusion didn't wear off when I got to bed, but I was hazy enough from the alcohol to fall asleep before I could start contemplating it some more.

"Harry, do you really have to go? Again? We've barely even seen each other over the last month! We've got to decide on a date for our wedding and I want to take a look at the guest list too." I sighed before I replied.

"Liam, you know I have to go. It's my fucking job. I can't help it that they want me around for the album recording okay. Just stop trying to make me feel guilty." I stormed out of our apartment, not even caring if I hurt him. I ran out to the car as fast as I could to avoid the hard rain soaking me completely and lent over the wheel for a second. Maybe I overreacted, but he did too. He knew it was my job and I couldn't help it this last month had been particularly busy either. I drove off to the studio, soon forgetting about the argument as we started working. When we finally finished what we'd wanted to finish today, it appeared to be pretty late, as the orange street lights were shining through the window. I turned my phone on again and checked my voice mail. No new messages. I felt guilty for leaving Liam like that, so I called him. I wanted to ask him to come out for dinner, but landed on his voice mail. Some of the others asked if I wanted to come to a bar, but I decided to go home and see Liam, I missed him too, and I wanted to make up for earlier.

I woke up, sweating profusely and feeling bad. That dream again. I hadn't had it in at least 15 years, it was the fight that started it all, all of the misunderstandings, confusion and bottled up anger. The one that ultimately led up to the fight. The one were Liam had broken down, started yelling and finally walked away. And I didn't stop him. I rubbed my hands on my face, it was only 5am but I wouldn't be able to sleep again, that was for sure. I swung my legs out of the bed and went to the bathroom for a nice long shower. 

The rest of the day was spent with trying to write some more songs, going through the things I'd written before and dismissing half of it. By dinner time, I had given up on it, having no more than two verses written on the paper in front of me. I couldn't get that dream out of my head. I called for a pizza delivery and fell down on the couch, my feet on the armrest as I stretched out, head on a pillow. I played with my phone, contemplating if I should call Liam, but then again it was dinner time and he would probably be busy with his family, and he said he would call me later. I decided to text him instead, being less invasive but letting him know I wanted to keep in touch anyway.

Hope your day was more productive than mine. If this keeps up I'm going to the studio with three songs to record. Crappy day! X Haz

The doorbell sounded so I dragged myself off the couch, searching my pockets for my wallet so I could pay the delivery boy, who appeared to be a delivery girl once I opened the door. I didn't even bother to smile at her when I gave her the 10 pound note, telling her to keep the change before I slammed the door in her face. Told you I had a crappy day. I had to struggle with the cats to keep the pizza for myself, a reminder I hadn't actually fed them since last night. I got them some food and laid down on the couch again, not really watching the reality show that was on TV. I woke up to  a loud commercial a few hours later, my phone buzzing next to my head. Another text from Liam.

You could call it productive. Booked the first family holiday without David. Torn between excitement and grief. Love, Li

I bit my lip, unsure if I could, or should call him, if he needed someone, and if that someone would be me. I searched for his name in my contacts and my thumb was hovering over the call button when the phone started buzzing again. I was startled and almost let it fly through the room. I only just managed to catch it mid-air and took the call, forgetting to check the caller-ID.

"Hello?"

"Haz?" His voice was soft and sounded broken.

"Liam? Are you okay?"

"Yeah. No. Well. Not really. I decided to take the kids on holiday again this year, we haven't been anywhere for the last two years, with David being sick first and then he only just died, and it seemed like a good idea."

"Why wouldn't it be? Didn't the kids like the idea?"

"Oh they did, they were over the moon when I showed them the holiday home I wanted to book."

"What's up then Li?"

"I just realised I'll be doing this all by myself too. I know it's stupid because I'm doing everything my myself for over a year now, but it still hurts." I could hear him stifling a sob on the other end. "God Haz, sorry, I'm probably interrupting something, I shouldn't have called you."

"You're not interrupting anything Li. Do you... do you want me to come over?"

"No, no it's fine, I'll be fine. I have to make the kids' lunches for tomorrow and then I'll be off to bed anyway."

"Are you sure?" I frowned at the wall in front of me, he sure didn't sound fine.

"Yes, I'll be perfectly fine. Thank you Haz."

"Alright, if you say so..." I trailed off.

"I do. Thanks okay?"

"No prob. Call me if anything?"

"Will do. Bye." 

I hung up when his voice was suddenly replaced with fast beeping sounds. I shook my head, trying to get rid of my worries, he had said I didn't need to worry, so I wouldn't. I sighed and slid back down on the couch, turning to my side as I flipped the channels trying to find something worth watching. Only five seconds later my phone buzzed again.

I actually wanted to ask you something and I forgot, can I call you again? Love, Li

 I smiled at my phone before pushing the buttons needed to establish a call.

"Haz?"

"Yep. What did you want to ask?"

"I was wondering, I got some tickets for a play on Thursday, and I was going with a friend, Jude already offered to babysit for the night, but my friend cancelled today, so I have a spare ticket and..."

"I'd love to come."

"I didn't even ask you yet" he chuckled, a blush rising on my face.

"Well, you were going to ask, right? So yes, I'd love to come."

"Even if you don't know what it's about?'

"You want to go, so I'm sure I'll like it. And if not, I still get to spend time with you." I grimaced, biting my lip when I realised what I'd just said. I hoped I hadn't ruined anything now.

"Fine. I'll pick you up at 7? It starts at 8 and it's not so far from your house."

"Seven is perfect. See you then Li."

"See you Thursday Haz."

I felt giddier than I probably should, it wasn't as if it was a date or something, we were just going to see a play together, because his friend cancelled. Nevertheless, I was already thinking about what to wear.