All of this past

Be here

Dear Liam,

It doesn't matter that you never replied before, I'm just glad you did now. I've been in the studio for the last three weeks and I've been recording a massive amount of songs, so now I've got a big problem because there's only 18 that can go on the album, meaning more than half of the ones I've been recording have to go. 

At least something good came out of that kiss. It got me writing, always been that way I suppose, I write better when I'm confused or sad or just... everything but happy. All I have to do then is sit down in front of a piece of paper with my guitar and it flows out. Same thing happened over the last four months. I'm not supposed to do this, and please keep in mind that it's all very raw unproduced material, but I feel like you have a right to hear what I wrote and recorded, as most of it somehow involves you. Well, I suppose most of what I sing involves you anyway, if not everything. It's always been because of you that I started singing my own songs, even though I never got to tell you in person because we... we already broke up when I decided to take the risk. And well, look at where I am now. I guess you were right from the start, when you convinced me to sing to you, with you for the first time. Remember how we always fantasised about singing lullabies to our kids? I'm still sorry I missed out on that.

I'm going to stop thinking about all of it before you change your mind and decide to walk away after all. I just wanted to say Liam, I'd rather have you as a friend, no matter how much I would wish us to be more again, than not have you at all. I don't want to call it waiting for you, I just want to be here for you. No matter what, no matter how long it takes for you to get over David, even if you never do. I'll be here. These last few months made me realise I don't want to lose you twice. Oh how clever of me, casually using one of my song titles to lure you into listening to the CD's ;)

That intervention of Jude and Kate sounds like something else Li. I wish I would've been there to see you guys. They're right you know, moving on doesn't mean forgetting all about David, it doesn't even mean finding someone else. And I know we have an entire past to deal with Li, us starting over would never be from a blank page, but that past makes us who we are and left us where we are now, so I'll never completely regret it. I'm just happy there's also some kind of future for the both of us, be it as friends or as something else, something more. We'll see where we end up.

Anyway, call me when you're back from France? I'm just going to drop this in your letterbox with the CD's but I would like to talk to you soon, just, clear the air. Especially since all of this sound like a shitload of blabber, but I'm sure you'll know what I'm trying to say, right?

Love you,

Haz

I read it over one last time before I folded it and put it inside the bright blue envelope I pulled out of my drawer, writing Liam's name at the front in my hideous uneven handwriting. I assured myself the three discs inside the boxes were copies and not the originals, as well as checked if they were all there before putting them inside a plastic bag to go with the letter.

My car smelled stuffy, after not being used for over a week now, so I opened all the windows to let the summer breeze in while I drove to Liam's, one of the studio discs playing loudly. Unlike before, listening to all of the songs again and again didn't make it any easier to decide which ones should go. All of them told a story that I wanted to be told, and with another week before the final selection had to be made and sent to production, I still had to eliminate 14 songs, which seemed like mission impossible.

I found myself not too happy with the song playing when I reached Liam's house, so I quickly jotted the title down on a piece of stray paper that had been left in the dump my car always was before getting out, the plastic bag and the envelope in my hands. I knew Liam's car would be on the drive way, so I parked a bit further down the street, having to walk about 20 yards to his front door. I was deep in thoughts, my eyes trained on the pavement when I heard a familiar voice.

"Thanks for picking us up at the airport again Kendra, I'll see you soon." He sounded tired, and I could imagine the half smile etched on his lips without having to look up. I stopped dead in my tracks, unsure if I should let him know that I was here. I decided to wait until he had ushered the three kids that were surrounding him inside, stalling the actual decision for a little longer. 

"Harry?" So far for me making the decision.

"Hey. Liam. Didn't know you would be back already."

"Yeah, we just arrived, as you obviously saw." He smiled at me, the tiredness was visible on his face but his eyes sparkled with his usual joy nevertheless. I looked at the kids who were still next to him, all three of them eyeing me with curiosity. I smiled back, handing him the package I held in my hand.

"I just wanted to drop this off, so I'll get going again, I'm sure you've got lots to do."

"Oh. Yes, okay. Thanks" he nodded, glancing down at the bright blue envelope and the see through plastic bag. I noticed the tallest girl, Jude, I supposed, nudged him in the ribs. His gaze rested on her for a second as she raised her eyebrows, nodding her head in my direction. "Why uh, why don't you come in for a minute Haz?"

"No, it's fine, I don't want to disturb you guys, I'll just see you later."

"Oh but you wouldn't be disturbing sir, I'll make you some tea while dad unpacks and Jude makes us dinner like she promised." I felt a tug on my right arm, finding a pretty brown haired girl I recognised as Kate when I looked down. Liam shrugged and smiled apologetically, following us to the door as I was pulled there by Kate, her brother on her other hand. Liam took their luggage to the bathroom, to start the washing machine, I supposed, while his three kids guided me into their kitchen, Kate putting on the kettle as they all took a seat around their kitchen table, looking at me with big curious eyes. 

"Would you like some milk in your tea sir?" Kate asked politely as she handed me the mug. "Or sugar?"

"Just two sugars, please. And I'm Harry, not sir."

"That makes him feel old," Liam smirked as he walked into the kitchen. "And I would like tea with a little milk and no sugar, if I'm worth the effort, of course." he winked at his daughter before he pulled up a chair so he sat between me and Sam.