All of this past

Radio silence

I rubbed my eyes, tired from playing and writing all day. Tomorrow would be my first day at the studio to record new material for my next album, and I kept on adding new songs to the list. The one thing that was good about this whole mess was that it finally brought me inspiration. Notes and lyrics flew out of my hands at a rate I could hardly keep up with.

Ever since that night, it had been complete silence between Liam and I. I had been on his doorstep for another half an hour before I found the strenght to turn around and drive home. The kiss kept on playing in my mind, over and over again. I analysed every single second of the night, to find out if it was only my imagination that Liam felt something of what had been too, or if it was really there. Now my dreams consisted of memories of the fight, as well as memories of the kiss, always ending with Liam sounding broken and hurt as he turned away from me and walked back inside.

I had texted him the next day, just a simple 'Can we please talk Li?'. Not knowing what else to say or do, but he hadn't replied. Not that day, not in the next week or month. It had been three months now since I last heard from him. I missed him ridiculously much, considering we had only just started talking and meeting again. I tossed another started but unfinished and therefor unsent letter to him in the garbage can as I walked to the kitchen, taking yesterday's lasagne out of the fridge to reheat it in the microwave. As I waited for the beep, I replied to a text from Gemma, wishing me good luck for the next day and sent Ethan and Louise a text to wish them good luck on their exams. Batman and Robin were on the floor, each lying on one of my feet and purring loudly. I got my feet out from under their warm furry bodies to get my food and walked over to the couch, reminding myself I should clean the mess my living room was by now. Good writing always went hand in hand with bad housekeeping and I usually only loaded the dishwasher when I ran out of plates or cutlery, so my sitting room was now filled with scattered plates and abandoned forks and knives. Falling down on the couch, remote control in hand, I made another false promise to clean it all up tomorrow. It was even more impossible to keep my promise this time since my studio days tended to be long and tiring, and end with a night at some pub to eat junk food and drink. I went to bed an hour later, leaving another plate and fork for myself to clean up whenever I'd get to it. I fell asleep easily, the kiss haunting my dreams again so I woke up with a mixture of happiness, confusion and sadness twirling around my body.

"Sorry guys, let's start again." I sighed in frustration and repeated the hand settings for the song we were currently recording before signalling Mike I was ready to do another take. Finally, after half a day of trying and starting over, the guitar track for the first song was on tape, so we could start on the vocals after lunch. I could only hope the rest of the songs would go faster because I only had the studio for three weeks and there were about 40 songs I wanted to record so I had a bigger pool to select the final album songs from.

Three weeks later I looked like a homeless guy, my curls being far too long, grey hairs coming out where the hairdye had grown out, my jeans creased and not ironed for weeks as recording had been top priority for all this time. Good thing it was actually the last day of recording, only two more songs to go, too bad they were the hardest to get right. We had tried to get them on tape before, but my voice kept breaking again and again, and I would make stupid mistakes while playing so I had postponed recording until today.

I was greeted by Mike, one of the technicians, and Tim, who worked at my management's office and had been on my account ever since he started working there. I was surprised to see him there, normally they wouldn't bother to come and check up on the recording, as long as the record label got what they wanted, management was fine with everything I did.

"Hey Harry," he said as he slapped me on the back. "Good news mate, though it might mean you'll have a very long day today." I quirked my eyebrow, not having the slightest idea what he was talking about. He started rummaging through his folder and finally came up with a paper, that looked like some letter. I read it diagonally as he handed it over, my eyes growing bigger with every line.

"You're kidding me, right?"

"Nope, it's a genuine letter from Dave Grohl, consenting to you recording Times Like These for your new album."

"Holy crap. It will be a long day. Three songs to record today Mike, let's get busy then!"

"Do you mind if I stay for a while Harry? I'd like to hear Times Like These, Dan couldn't shut up about the cover at that concert last time."

"Whatever pleases you, I owe you big time for getting Foo Fighters to consent to this. I want to start with Lose you twice though Mike."

He nodded as he put on his headphones, motioning me to get into the recording booth.

"Can you record both vocals and guitar? I feel like this is a one take kind of song."

"Sure Styles, get it going."

Because I can’t have this happening all over again

Because I can’t stand this hurt all over again

Because I never stopped loving you no matter the pain

I can’t have this baby, not again

I can’t believe I managed to lose you twice

One time had me broken down

Waiting for you on our wedding day

But of course you wouldn’t show

You always said come what may

But I can’t have this baby, not again

I can’t believe I managed to lose you twice

Lose you twice

Lose you twice

I’m not gonna lose you twice.

I looked up after silencing the strings of my guitar, trying to read Tim's and Mike's face to see what they thought of it. I had practised all night yesterday, and I managed to get through it in one take, no mistakes in my guitar playing, my voice cracking here and there but never returning to a whisper. Tim's eyes were wide open, Mike was just grinning and giving me two thumbs up. 

"Come over here to listen Harry, but in my opinion this is ready for the album in just one take." I grinned back at him and put my guitar down before I joined him in the small technical room, my smile growing as I listened to the tape of the last few minutes. I was probably one of the best things I had recorded in my life so far. My voice wasn't perfect but it added to the meaning of the song and it sounded exactly as I intented it to.

"This is everything Harry. So basically you have three weeks to select which ones you want on the album so we can send them for production. There's two CD's, and I made three copies of each, as usual."

I smiled at Mike, tired from the long day and took the bag out of his hands as I said my goodbyes to the rest of the studio crew. Days Like These had proven the most difficult one to record. Radio Silence had needed three takes for the guitar and another four for the vocals, and while the guitar on Times Like These had been quite easy to get right, I kept on tearing up when I did the vocals. I had to bite my lips until I tasted blood to prevent myself from breaking down completely at every single take. We had finally decided to get some dinner before giving it a final shot, as I really wanted to get it on the album now that I had permission from Dave Grohl. Three hours later, we ended up with a pretty good version so we decided to call it a night.

I turned the Foo Fighters CD that was in my car radio up to the highest volume as I drove home, singing along loudly, earning me disapproving glares from the old woman in the car next to me at the red light. I smiled and waved at her, just happy with the recording I had been doing over the last few weeks. I left the plastic bag in the living room so I could put a CD in every single music device in the house tomorrow and went straight to bed. I grinned at my phone as I went to turn off my alarm, desiring a good lie in more than anything. 

6:30 Take Liam to the airport.

I gulped as I saw the note on my calender app. Liam had asked me if I could take him and the kids to the airport for their holiday, before the whole kissing disaster. I was sure he would've found another solution by now, since he never even texted me back, but still. I bit my lip as I pressed the button to open the messenger app, my fingers flying over the screen and pressing send in a matter of seconds, before I could change my mind.

I hope you have a great holiday. X Haz