All of this past

A birthday in Dublin

I stood up from my seat as soon as the seat belt-lights went out, but of course got stuck in the long line of people who were still taking their luggage out of the overhead compartment and moving ever so slowly towards the exit. It had been a short flight, but it was too long anyway, even a 20 minute drive would have been too long for the level of anticipation I was at. After what seemed like an hour I finally spotted the door and the three stewardesses that were at its side, bidding each passenger a good day. I smiled politely and wished them the same thing as I hurried outside, finally able to overtake the slow people who had been in front of me. I didn't have any luggage except the small bag I was carrying, so I could walk immediately to customs, which was pretty much a formality that consisted of showing my passport and then into the arrival hall of the airport.

It was pretty busy for 10am on a Monday morning, making it pretty hard to scan the crowd for who I was looking for. I didn't really expect Harry to show up himself, as he had had a late night yesterday, and he hated getting up early in the morning, so I was pretty much looking for someone from his crew or even a taxi driver. I didn't see a sign with my name on and I didn't recognize anyone, so I decided to walk through the crowd and buy myself a coffee from the stand on the other side of the hall. I had hardly left the area close to the door, surrounded by the metal railings when I was suddenly blinded by two cool hands placed over my eyes. It could have been scary if the sudden blindness hadn't been accompanied by a husky voice whispering in my ear. "Guess who?"

A huge grin spread on my face as I turned around, freeing myself from his blinding hands and embracing him forcefully. His arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me close, lifting me off the floor a little bit. I smiled as he put me back down and kissed his lips, enjoying the sensation I'd missed for over four weeks. "For a minute I was afraid you'd be a lost reindeer or something, it would've been weird to kiss that." I winked before I kissed him again, I couldn't get enough of it now I finally had it back. Or him. "Happy birthday babe."

"Yeah, let's not mention that. 44 sounds horribly old, like my mother-kind of old. Ugh. You hungry Li?" I nodded and he tugged me out of the airport, onto a coach that was supposed to drive us to the city center. We had called each other every day so technically there wasn't much to tell, but it was never a problem to find a subject of conversation when we were together. We were still happily chatting when we jumped of the coach in the middle of Dublin and Harry guided us quickly to the hotel he was staying in. We had to avoid people hurrying past us on our way, as well as make sure not to slip on one of the many icy patches on the pavement, another thing caused by the frost that bit our noses and hands. Harry tried to pull his scarf up with his nose so he wouldn't need to let go of my hand, as his other held my bag. I chuckled at his failing attempts and reached out to help him, flicking his nose as I did so, nearly losing my balance because of the ice patch I walked on without watching where I went. Harry quickly wrapped his arm around me, my bag swinging in his hand when he caught me. I blushed slightly when I noticed how close to each other we had ended up. It was crazy how he made me feel, and I didn't really understand why I blushed, but I still did, probably partly because of the very mature thoughts that popped into my head when my body was smashed against his. I could tell he was smiling by looking in his eyes, his crooked, sexy 'I know what you're thinking' smile. For once I really hoped he didn't know what I was thinking though.

He cleared his throat, breaking the tension that hung between us like a web of frozen spider rag. "The hotel is just around the corner." I nodded, still slightly flushed and followed him on the way there. It was a quite simple hotel, no unnecessary bling, but very comfortable nevertheless. His room had a large bed in the middle, and I found a large rainshower in the enormous bathroom. The glass showerdoor surrounding it was clear, and I bit my lip at the thought of what I would see if I walked in here while Harry was showering. It became harder every day and hour to ignore what his presence or even the mere thought of him did to me, the longing, the want he evoked inside of me. If I forgot everything else, I could truly say I wanted him. So, so badly. I wanted to be his and for him to be mine. But then I remembered. Christmas eve. How bad I'd felt when I realised I couldn't. And I just knew. I knew it hadn't changed yet. Not completely. I was still tied to my past, and not able to cut the strings keeping me from giving myself to Harry in the way that I wanted, the way we both wanted. I was still recovering from the all controlling grief. It wasn't that ever present anymore, but it was still there and I couldn't ignore it.