All of this past

The longest night

I somehow managed to keep my guard up, even though he had nodded very convincingly when I questioned wordlessly if he was sure earlier, and the way he was kissing me here, pressed against the wall in the hallway didn't leave much doubt about his intentions. The look in his eyes... fucking hell, he was hot and planning to show me just how hot. The way he bit his lip almost drove me crazy, so I willingly followed him inside the bedroom, quickly pulling off his tie and starting to pull his shirt out of his pants as we stumbled into his room. I only let go of his lips when he was on the bed, my body resting upon his, but only to move on to his neck to suck on the soft and vulnerable skin. My hands fumbled with the small buttons of his shirt, and I cursed silently for them being so hard to undo. A few seconds later I had finally managed to expose his shoulders and collarbones. I took a moment to take in the beauty of him laying below me, I only noticed now how much I had been missing it, seeing him like this. I had been dreaming about this moment, and now, it was finally there. I willed myself to remain alert and not drown in the passion and lust that was coursing through my veins. I kissed his forehead, his eyelids, his nose, cheeks and finally his lips. His face was completely relaxed, his eyes closed and his lips slightly parted as his breathing was a little fast and hitched, it was barely noticeable. My tongue trailed back to his neck, taking a detour to nibble on his earlobe, causing him to moan softly and bite his bottom lip, his teeth leaving a mark on the chapped skin. I smiled against his neck as I pressed open mouthed kisses on the sensitive skin, following his collarbone to his shoulder, little licks in between the kisses. I could tell his arousal was rising, his heels digging into the mattress as I reached his shoulder. I let my teeth scrape his pale skin, the tan from the summer having completely disappeared. He shivered slightly, like he had always done when I did that, some things never changed, I supposed. I followed his collarbone back, biting, kissing and licking until I reached the crook of his neck, I bit down forcefully, knowing this would drive him crazy. I smirked as I felt his hips push against mine and I saw how his eyes shot open when he threw his head back on his neck. 

I wanted to continue my teasing but I suddenly noticed how his body felt limp beneath mine. I sat up on my knees and searched for his eyes. They were closed, but I could tell he was crying, his eyelashes humid and tears reflecting the light when they escaped from his eyes. I quickly got off of him, allowing him to get up and sit on the other end of the bed. I didn't know what to say, so I just sat on my side, waiting for him to say something, the silent sobs escaping his mouth felt like a knife being turned around in my chest every time I heard them. I don't know how long it took for him to finally say something, but it broke my heart to hear his cracking voice.

"I'm sorry Harry, I'm so sorry. I really wanted to, but then I saw the... the picture and I just couldn't."

I turned around and understood what he was talking about. On the nightstand was a wedding picture of him and David. The two of them grinning happily at the camera, looking handsome and like nothing in the world could ever harm them. I understood how he had seen the picture when he had opened his eyes with his head thrown back. 

"It's okay Li." I said as I hesitantly reached out for him, standing up and walking halfway around the bed, sitting down at the foot end. I was just able to put my hand on his shoulder, so I did, trying to comfort him without being too invasive. 

"Just go Harry. I understand that you want to. I don't want to hold you back. Find someone with less of a history. Who can give you what you want and need."

"Liam... please don't do this. Please."

"Do what? I love you Harry, I really do, but it's not fair to expect you to wait around until I'm done with dealing with all of this... all of this fucking past that's keeping me from moving on."