Paramedics zip the dark plastic bag containing Hillary. A body bag.
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They load the gurney into the ambulance and whisk her away to the medical examiners office so that they can do an autopsy and determine the exact cause of death.
I hope their examination of her body can give all of us the answers we very much need right now.
I am most worried about the children. I know Logan and my father can handle themselves but what about the young ones? Tilly is only four-years-old. How is she going to react when she finds out her mother is dead and is never going to come back?
And what about Summer, Kara, and Mason? They are all still young. How will they react? Will they even understand what death is at their tender young ages?
And Peter. He's fifteen but I still do not know how he will be able to handle the news. He is still dealing with his diagnosis and learning to deal with that. This trauma may send him over the literal edge again.
There is just no way to know what will happen next.
Luckily, Hillary's father was able to round up the children from inside the church before they were all subject to seeing their mother's dead body lying on the pavement below the window of which she jumped from.
Tyler finds his way through the crowd and grabs me, pulling me in for the tightest embrace I have ever felt. "Your dad convinced them to let me in. He said I was family." He explains.
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Because Tyler wasn't involved directly in the investigation or an immediate family member, police kept him behind their lines until my father was able to get him in to see me. "I'm so sorry, Avery."
I nod, staring off into the crowd. I think most of the pain I feel in my chest right now is not because of my attachment to Hillary. Her and I had a tough time. It's not because I cared deeply about her. I did care for her but not like a mother. It's not because I saw a dead body or because she died in a similar way to my mother. The crippling pain I feel in my chest is how I imagine my father is feeling right now.
He is keeping a straight face. His emotion is minimal. But I know that he is just doing it to keep himself from falling apart in front of all these people. The news is here and both Hillary and his family too. And by now, spectators passing by are probably watching our every move as well.
I know my father is in an indescribable amount of pain right now. He has lost his wife and his almost wife in just a matter of a few months, both to suicide. I can't imagine he is feeling good right now. I know he isn't in a good headspace though. He is suffering.
"What happens next?" I ask Tyler, hoping someone can find some answers for me. I don't know who else to ask.
"I don't know." He replies honestly. "I really don't know." I nod. How could I have expected him to know. "I'm sure police will question you though. You're the one who found the- your step-mom." He takes a guess. "And probably the kids too."
"Oh god, the kids." Tears form in my eyes for the first time today. "What am I going to tell them? What am I going to do?"
"You're going to go home and rest. It isn't your job to tell them. Your dad should do that." Tyler explains. "Let's get you home."
I nod. He is right. There is nothing left for me here. All I am doing is torturing myself by standing here on this sidewalk. I should be at home with the kids so that I can be a shoulder for them if they need it.
This isn't the wedding any of us imagined.
Authors note: can you believe she's dead? What are your theories as to what happened to her and what was going through her head in her last moment alive?
