Dear Journal,
I have a couple more short weeks before my move to Forks. I have been dreading it for so long. The other night while I was in my bed I started sobbing uncontrollably into my pillow. I prayed Renee and Phil didn't hear me and if they did they didn't wander in to see what was wrong. I'm not good with change at all, I felt like a flower that was dying and need sunshine. I know I'm doing this for the best, to make everyone happy, but it's just eating away at me. Renee is so proud of me for putting on a good show for everyone and acting like this is the best thing that's happened to me but she sees right through me as always.
I used to dread going to Charile's for the Summer. The never ending fishing trips and lack of cooking just gives me shivers up my spine. I'm not saying that he isn't a great Dad it's just going to be very odd living with him for such a lengthy amount of time. On the other hand, I do feel bad for Charlie. Your wife leaving you with their child years ago and you can't do anything about it but watch them go. I know he's so happy that I'm coming back even though he doesn't exactly show it. He's like me in that way, well in alot of ways really. We look alike, we're both shy,quiet and stubborn. With Renee I always feel like the parent, taking care of her and making sure she's happy. I do hope Phil will take my place in that way and give her what she needs.With Charlie it was never about that. So with that I would say that maybe we will get along better than I expected and this won't be so terribly awful afterall. One could only hope.
There's no sun in Forks like there is in Phoenix. That is going to be hard getting used too since I am always soaking up the rays here but I always manage to look Albino. Renee teases me about that sometimes and it is quite funny.I guess I've never really described my looks even though it seems silly I'd like to take my mind off of moving for a bit.
I'm about 5'4" and very pale as I mentioned before,with long mousy brown hair. My eyes are a chocolate brown, darker than my hair and I have a heart shaped face. I'm not athletic at all which you would think I would be considering I live here. I'm slender but not musclar and I weight about 115 lbs. You're typical average, plain girl you could say. Well Journal I will write to you as soon as I can. It will possibly be on my flight to Forks, wish me luck.
~Bella
