Dear Journal,
It was was a moonless night as I stared at the luminous stars in the pitch-dark sky. They looked peaceful. So bright, light and incandescent. I sat on my windowsill with my arms dangling over the edge of the window as thoughts ran through my head. I couldn't fall asleep due to all of the nerves in my stomach and I was sweating feverishly. I get like this when I'm nervous or forced to do something I don't want to do. I guess it's sort of an anxiety attack but I can keep it under control without medication. It's a feeling that is hard to describe. You feel like you're dying and no one can help you because it will be too late. Yes I know I overreact to alot of things but it's just part of who I am.
Tomorrow was the first day of school in a new town with new people that I didn't know. I'm not a social butterfly as so many are and I'm probally not the best company to keep being shy and embarrassed all the time but I am good person in my opinion. Mom assured me the friends would come but I'm not so sure. They didn't come very easily in Arizona so would Washington be any different? I'd only be in school another two years though really so I shouldn't let it get to me like this. Now college may be something to get frightened over but I will cross that bridge when I get to it.
All of a sudden I heard a rustling in the trees outside of my window in the murky forest. I peered over the edge and saw a shadowy figure who appeared to be just standing there still. I glanced at my bedroom door preparing to run then glanced back down and the figure had vanished. I must be going crazy, I must not of seen anything, it's just my imagination playing tricks on me. Who would be out in the forest at night anyways besides animals?! It's just unheard of...right? But, I know I saw something out there.
I headed towards my closet and put on my brown heavy jacket. I then started towards my bed and looked under it to find my sneakers, I slipped them on. Slowly, I crept to my bedroom door and it opened with a tiny creek. I peered my head out the door and looked down the hall to Charlies room. I could hear him peacefully snoring so I knew he hadn't woken up. I made my way gingerly down the steps and everytime I hit one that made noise I'd stop, listen for snores then continued. I quietly made my way out the back door onto the freshly wet grass. I wrapped my arms around myself and stroked my body up and down due to the chill in the air. I started towarsds the deep forest without even thinking. I almost got through the opening when I heard a loud door slam.
"Oh no!," I shouted suddenly as I turned around.
"Bells, what the heck are you doing out here?", Charlie asked angrily.
I was suprised but recovered quickly," I thought I saw something out here, a man maybe."
"So, instead of waking me up you'd rather come out here and see who this "man" was instead of waking up your father who is a police officer, to see what it is for you?"
I looked down sheepishly, "Guess I didn't think about that Dad."
"Well next time honey please tell me and we'll solve it together", he said and lead me back into the house.
I made my way up the stairs to my bedroom and shut the heavy wooden door.I quickly ran to the window, slammed it shut and latched the lock. I pulled my curtains over tightly to block out all of the night sky. I turned and walked slowly to my bed and climbed in. I pulled my comforter up to my chin, snuggled into my warm bed and sighed. I really think Forks is doing a number on me already, I thought to myself. I am having panic attacks and seeing strange creatures in the forests and I haven't even been out in public yet. I think I need to email Renee but just don't have the strength to get out of bed right now. I glanced over at the silver alarm clock and my nightstand. Oh briliant, it's 2am and I haven't gotten any sleep yet. Well, I need to go and finally try to fall asleep, tomorrow will be very interesting.
~Bella
