It's Christmas time
and all around me
people are hustling and bustling
about cheerful and festive.
The lights are hung.
The trees are decorated.
Christmas carols fill the air.
I should feel some kind of
connection to the moment,
some excitement for the season,
yet I don't.
Try as I might that holiday joy
is nowhere to be found.
It just doesn't feel like Christmas.
A time I used to love
so completely
seems to have lost all meaning
without you.
Don't get me wrong,
I am stronger now.
I miss what we had-
when it was real, honest,
pure, true.
In a sense,
I miss you .
However, the pain you caused,
the lies you told,
the ways you betrayed me
time and time again,
you broke me.
You broke my spirit
and destroyed that part of me.
I know in time I'll regain
that childlike sense of wonder
that the holidays used to bring.
As I continue to grow,
mend, and heal.
But for now I'm sad
that you managed
to take this away from me-
no matter how unintentional.
On the plus side,
I have him now.
And he does
make me smile
and feel uncalculated joy.
So maybe,
just maybe,
there's hope for me
and this Christmas season yet.
-MS
