Today was a good day,
and it was not.
Today when it was,
I could almost smile through the always present sadness and near debilitating loneliness.
Today when it wasn't,
the tears poured down my cheeks leaving salty tracks
as evidence of my weakness.
Today when it was,
I didn't feel quite so alone
or like a failure.
I didn't feel complete but I also,
for a few moments,
didn't feel the aching
that almost never lets up in my heart.
Today when it wasn't,
I pictured the butcher block of knives atop my counter at home
and just how easy it would be
to run one across my wrist
when I was next alone.
Today was a good day,
and it was not.
-MS
