2 // DRESS // JEDDY

// thirty four //

jamie hated him with a passion. teddy was placing the blame on him - what an absolute prick. jamie did nothing wrong last night except tell the truth about how he felt. he now knew that it wasn't reciprocated, and apparently the choice to completely ignore teddy until he got over his feelings was a bad idea (side note: it was a really terrible idea, but jamie didn't know how else to make things better between the two).

so maybe he did stay with albus that night, and maybe he completely ignored teddy the entire morning before hugo and lorcan came to pick them up. maybe jamie dumped the tea teddy had made him down the sink, and almost smashed the mug against the wall, before albus held his arm back. these attempts to erase teddy from his routine were proving to be unsuccessful, but he just had to keep trying.

but then teddy posts on instagram making up captions of what they've said out of nowhere and expecting jamie to go along with it all. it didn't make any sense, teddy clearly thought he could pretend last night hadn't happened. and two could play at that game.

jamie decided; they will stay best friends, and nothing more. no more sleeping in bed together, no actual sleeping together. no more kisses, or cuddles so tight neither of them wanted to let go. no more making out on the sofa or making out in the kitchen, in bed, outside their flat, against the d- okay, no more making out, full stop. they weren't allowed to do that, because they were just friends. they weren't allowed to be anything more.

denial suited jamie, but anger seemed like a better option than the sadness that denial would bring on the scale of emotions jamie was actually allowed to feel (spoiler alert: love isn't one of them). yet, jamie had been angry so many times, perhaps sadness would fit him better. he didn't even know how he felt, the only thing that was clear to him was that he loved teddy. and no amount of denial or anger could ever stop that. he'd just have to get over it, or manage to live with it.

the more it played on jamie's mind, the more he felt this is what he deserved. teddy was heavenly, he was quite possibly the best person jamie had ever had the pleasure of meeting. and jamie, he didn't have much going for him: forever living in the shadow of his father, and failing to achieve his greatness. he was a fuck up in the worst way possible. as if teddy would ever lower his standards enough to even feel the slightest attraction to jamie.

it was better this way. teddy didn't need to feel the shame of jamie's love holding him back. there was a world of adventures out there just waiting to shape teddy into his best self. whereas, jamie was carving teddy into a broken man, with cracks and chips decorating his body. he would've been better if jamie had never even touched him to begin with.

life was good for teddy before expectations had weighed them both down, even though they should've only been jamie's to deal with. expectations from their family, their friends, people they'd bump into when going out - what these people believed their relationship was, the nature of it all. it was all because of jamie. and one of his worst fears was the judgement of other people, especially teddy's.

if they dated, jamie wouldn't know how to act or behave; the only relationships jamie had ever really been in was with girls, having not realised his attraction to other people. if him and teddy were a couple - an actual full on couple - jamie would be bound to tear it apart eventually.

and then came the opinions of others. those judgemental stares from people who would see them walking down the street, holding hands as if their love was some sort of crime. the whispers exchanged from person to person when they'd kiss (which weren't so quiet after all). the world was a terrifying place, and jamie didn't want to make things more difficult for anyone else, not more than he already had.