What Happens In A Small Town

Flashback: I Can't Go Through This Again

Warning tissues possibly needed.


AUGUST 2008
K E L S E Y

I blow out a breath waiting on B to get home... I am trying my best to keep the tears at bay. I love this man to death but I can't go through this again. I have been through this twice now I've done everything that I can to help him but nothing I do works and it won't unless he wants the help which he obviously doesn't.

I can't watch the love of my life slowly killing himself every time he picks up that bottle of booze or that bottle of pills, I just can't do it. I don't physically have the strength to go through it again.

The thought of losing him permanently just shakes me to my core and I am so fucking scared that he's going to drink himself to death or pop one too many of those damn pills and as much as I love him I just can't be around to watch that happen. 

B comes through the door walks over and presses his lips against mine, I kiss him back and a minute later he pulls back "Baby? What are you still doing up?" 

Here we go it's now or never "I wanted to wait up for you... we gotta talk B"

He crouches down in front of me "baby what's wrong?" I stare into his normally beautiful clear green eyes that are semi-cloudy right now because of whatever the hell he's taken tonight, telling me at least he hasn't overdone it tonight and will at least remember this conversation in the morning.

"I love you B, which is why I'm doing this"

He looks confused "I love you too sweetheart... what are you talking about Kelsey? Doin what?"

By now it is taking everything in me to keep the tears in "I can't go through this again B"

He looks at me "baby what are you sayin?" I can see tears forming in his eyes now "I love you so much B... never doubt that, but I can't... I-I don't have the strength to just sit back and watch you drink yourself to death which is what I am so fucking scared is going to happen... I nearly lost you once... because of the drinking, I can't go through that again B... I physically or mentally can't do it again... it would destroy me"

I can see the tears on his face "please baby don't do this" that's when I can't hold my tears back anymore "I'm sorry B" I reach over and wipe the tear from his cheek "just baby please don't give up on me" I feel him pull me forward into his arms "I love you, baby. Please don't do this"

I bury my face in his chest one last time before pulling back to look in his eyes again "I know B, but this is what needs to be done... no matter how much I love you, how much I wish it didn't have to be like this, this is the right thing to do at this moment in time, but the one thing you should never do is doubt that I love you because I do I love you more than you could ever realize"

I can see the anger rising in his eyes and I know he's about to start yelling "If you're going to leave then just go" well that wasn't exactly the yelling I was expecting but I nod my head at him, I feel my lip quiver as I look back at him one last time "I'm going"

I grab my keys off the table by the door and walk out of it and to my Jeep once in the safety of my Jeep I let out a shaky breath as the tears stream down my face, I fumble to start the Jeep and pull out of our driveway before I change my mind and run back into his arm.

As I pull up to a stop sign I pull my phone out and dial Ash's number.

"Kels? Babes its 2 in the morning what's wrong?"

I let out a shaky breath "Can I crash at your place tonight?"

"Babes of course you know we don't care if you do, what's wrong why have you been cryin?"

"I'll explain everything when I get there" I am still trying to control my breathing. 

I hear her sigh "okay Kels... just please be careful"

"I will, I'll see you in a little bit"

I hang up the phone and drive in the direction of Ash and Eli's.

I pull up at the house about 10 minutes later and Ash is out the door the second she hears my jeep in the drive "Kelsey babes what happened?"

She barely gives me time to get out of the jeep before she pulls me into a hug "B and I broke up"

She pulls back "Awh babes again?"

I nod at her the tears building up again "it was my choice this time...... I can't watch him drink himself to death Ash, I love that man with everything in me, but I can't do that, so I told him that and I left" I try and swallow the lump forming in my throat "I think that was it for us... we can't come back from this at least not right now, maybe sometime down the road but until he sobers up and it sticks I can't be with him no matter how much I want to be, how much it hurts me to do this"

She smiles softly at me "I know babes, come on, you need to some rest so after you called, I fixed the guest room up for you, Eli is out cold, the damn phone didn't even stir him when you called"

I smile at her the best I can manage right now "thanks Ash, you were the closest Kasey is in Athens at the moment and I didn't think I could make it there at least not tonight and I didn't want to wake mama or daddy up at this hour and given the circumstances, Mama Becky is definitely out of the question right now"

She nods "you're welcome and it's gonna be alright babes"

I grab one of my bags and we walk into the house Ash taking me to the guest room "I'll see you in the morning Ash and thanks again"

She smiles pulling me into another hug "hey it's what best friends are for Kels... get some rest we will talk more in the morning"

She walks out of the room I sit down on the bed putting my head in my hands with a sigh. You did the right thing, Kelsey... no matter how much it hurts leaving was the right thing for you both at this point in time.

I crawl into the bed not even bothering to change clothes and I can't help the tears falling once again I mean I just walked away from the love of my life... this isn't going to be easy, but I will get through it, I have Kasey, Ash and Eli and my family.

I finally ended up crying myself to sleep.

I wake up feeling like crap, I look over at the clock and notice it's a little after 11 AM, bless Ash for letting me sleep. I get up and grab some clean clothes out of my bag before walking into the guest bathroom and taking a nice hot shower.

Once I finish, I get dressed and just let my hair hang down in its natural waves.

I walk downstairs, and Eli gives me a sympathetic smile "Ash told me this morning... I'm sorry Kels" I give him the best smile I could manage "I did the right thing for us right now... Or at least that's what I'm telling myself, maybe if I say it enough, I'll actually believe it"

He chuckles "everything will work out the way it is supposed to, in the end, Kels... you and B will be alright" Ash comes in "that right babes because no matter what you and B were made for each other when he straightens his ass out and he will things between you two will go back to being good"

After the three of us talking and getting some breakfast I look at my two oldest friends "I think I'm going to get out of town for a while... you know help with the whole everything in this town reminds me of him thing, I'll probably stay with Kasey for a while, tell her what's going on and then figure out what to do from there"

Ash smiles "alright babes but remember that no matter what happened with you and B, Eli and I will always be just a phone call away if you ever and I mean ever need us" 

I pull them both into a hug "I know Ash and I love you guys so much for it"

With that, I grab my bag and keys and head out to the Jeep on my way to Athens to see my sister and tell her everything that's going on right now.  

*****

My god this chapter made me cry writing it, but I wanted to give you guys a little bit of the way things were left with BG and Kelsey before the talk they need to have happens.