Proof a heart is strong

Love letters

We walked into the apartment, Nathan put the house keys on the hook next to the door. He stopped, turning around to face me as I closed the door behind me.

“You really want Ryan to walk you down the aisle?” he asked me.

“Well, yeah-“

“Not Chris? Or my father?”

“Nathan-“

“Alright, it’s fine.” He started to walk away.

“Obviously it’s not fine!” I grabbed his wrist, holding him back. “Look at me.” he slowly turned to face me again, I let go of his wrist. “Why are you so jealous of Ryan? What do you see wrong with him walking me down the aisle? Think about it-“

“I have thought about it. And I’m not jealous, trust me. Why don’t you just walk down the aisle by yourself?”

“I don’t get why you’re so mad.”

“You don’t think it’s weird having your first love walk you down the aisle? And it’s not even about that, you don’t think that’d hurt him? You seriously want that? You can’t tell he still loves you Jackie?”

“Nathan-“

“No. I know what you’re going to say. He’s moved on, or, we’re just good friends. Deep down inside, Ryan probably hates the fact you’re getting married.”

“Why would he hate that we’re getting married? He doesn’t, he just-“

“He what?” Nathan looked deep into my eyes, almost looking right through my soul. It sent a shiver down my spine, leaving me speechless. “Exactly.” He said, walking away into the bedroom. I stood in front of the door, I couldn’t move. My mind was thinking of too many things at once. Nathan had a good point, it would kill Ryan deep inside to walk me down the aisle. Maybe I wasn’t thinking clearly, or wasn’t thinking at all. Id hate to admit that Nathan is right, but he is. If I was in Ryan’s shoes, I wouldn’t want to walk my first love down the aisle, I’d rather be marrying my first love.

I forced myself to walk towards to bedroom where Nathan was. When I walked in he was sitting on the floor in front of our closet.

“What’s this?” he asked. In his hands he held a shoebox. “It’s awfully light to be holding a pair of shoes.” He looked up at me.

“Why don’t you just open the box and look, I have nothing to hide.” I crossed my arms over my chest standing at the doorway.

“Tell me what’s in here before I look.” his started shaking the shoebox.

“Love letters. Well sort of.” He looked at me strange as he opened the box.

“There’s so many.” he said softly. He took a letter out. “It’s dated June Forth, 2009.”

“That was not quite a year before Ryan broke up with me.” I walked over to Nathan, sitting down on the floor next to him. He started to read some out loud.

It’s hard to fall asleep at night without you, but I should be thankful I have you in my life. I can’t be greedy and wish for you to be around me everyday. You were the only person there for me growing up, and even though you’re busy focusing on your career, but you still seem to have time for me. I love you more than anyone, more than myself.

He put the letter back in the box, recovering it. “Did he ever read these?”

“No. I never really told him anything I wrote in any of the notes.”

“Why not?” He pushed the box back into the closet.

“I’m not too good at saying what I feel. I’m pretty sure he knows how I felt.”