Sugar Daddy

Who Hurt you?

Forth waited for Beam's reply.

But Beam was really uncomfortable in this situation. He shifted and looked around the room as if to find a spot to place his gaze, not daring to look at Forth.

"Me and Phana...we...sort of....had...a thing"

"A 'thing'?"

Beam nodded. Forth placed his laptop on the coffee table and made himself comfortable on the couch. He looked at Beam, who was constantly averting his gaze. "What kind of thing?"

Beam was surprised because of the tone of his voice. It didn't sound demanding. Not curious even. Like he already knew about what is he going to say. But he knew that Forth didn't know about Pha.

It looked like Forth was reassuring him, showing him that it is ok to tell. That...it is not going to be a big deal (Even though it is). Forth always had this 'take-it-easy' vibe around him. That reduced the tension of the situation that should have high level of tension.

Beam looked at Forth, who nodded at him, encouraging him to go on.

"We were...uh...sex friends?" Beam gulped. "...Or.....something like that?"

Forth sighed. "You love him. Don't you?"

Beam's eyes widened.

How did he get to know about that?!?

A sudden chill ran through his whole body, his sweat broke. He started shivering like he was having a PTSD attack.

It was just a toxic affair. That' s all! why am I having a panic attack? 

Beam squeezed his eyes shut. His breathing hitched. He pulled his folded legs to his chest and rested his head on his knees. Why is this even happening? Is it because he is afraid of Forth's reaction? 

"It's ok. I'm not mad" Forth said softly, as if he could see what is in Beam's mind. He put his arms around Beam and gently pulled him closer. Out of reflex, Beam snuggled to the older man's chest, chasing after the warmth radiating from his body. 

Forth chuckled, as he stroked Beam's head. "It's ok" he reassured Beam. His voice was very gentle. Gentle and soft. "I can't put chains to your feelings"

It felt nice. Forth's gentle touch, soft voice, his steadily beating heart, the warmth of his chest. It felt nice to stay like this. At the same time, Beam hated it. It was terrifying. He was terrified about where this gonna end.

But Forth's embrace felt right. And Beam could bring himself to forget everything for a moment and just enjoy the warmth. Gradually, his body stopped shaking. The anxiety vanished. His mind became calm and relaxed.

Forth just kept stroking his hair.
"Was he nice to you?"

Beam looked at him. His heart sank at the sight of genuine concern in his eyes.

He didn't deserve him. But instead of defending Pha, like he always did, he decided to tell the truth. Because he couldn't bear to lie to that kind eyes.

"....No. He wasn't"

Imagines and voices of everything Phana ever did to him, ever said to him, flooded into his mind.

His rough touches...

His filthy words...

Humiliation...

Every hit...

Every bruise...

Pain...

Blood...

Silent screams...

Tears...

And mingled with every thing, Beam's desperation for love. And also his genuine and raw love for Phana...

No. Pha wasn't nice to him. Actually he was the exact opposite.

Forth did not pressed the matter any farther. Instead he rubbed his own face roughly with his palm.

Beam looked up. "What!?"

Forth gave him a questionable look. But he seemed rather distracted.

"What are you thinking?" Beam asked carefully.

Forth shook his head. "I'm just trying to find a one good reason, to stop myself from burning him alive"

"What!? Are you thinking about burning him alive just because he wasn't nice to me?"

Forth scoffed. "I'm might be a stranger to you. But I know your codes. And I can imagine what you meant by 'Not being nice'."

Beam grabbed his arm, drawing the older man's attention to him.
"you can't do that! Just because he hurt me, it doesn't mean that he would do the same to your younger brother. He loves Wayo. I know Pha. I know him like back of my palm. And I know that he genuinely loves Yo" He ranted.
"He fucked me because looked like him! Then he left me to be with him! If you break it off, my suffering would have no meaning"

Beam looked down. "Now... At least he is happy"

Forth grabbed his chin and made him look at him. "What about you?"

"Huh?"

"Are you happy? Are you happy with Wayo roaming around with the man you love?"

Beam removed Forth's hand and looked away.

"It doesn't matter. I don't love him anymore"

Then he looked at Forth, with a confused look on his face. "Why are you even bothered about me? Shouldn't you take your brother's side, instead of your prostitute's?"

That last word seemed to set off Forth.

He grabbed Beam's face roughly and looked into him with his burning eyes. "I already told you not to call yourself by that!"

Beam angrily pushed away Forth's hand. "But that's what I am! Stop treating me like someone I'm not!"

"Do you feel like that!?" Forth's voice almost sounded.....

....hurt.

Beam gulped.

"Did I ever make you feel like a prostitute? Did I asked for your body? Did I force myself into you?"

Beam felt like the biggest jerk on the world....

Forth was right. He didn't treat him like a one. Instead he treated him like most precious thing in the world.

But he knew he didn't deserve that.

Forth should not waste his time on someone who is broken and filthy as him. Forth can do better. He should do better.

"Then I just hope that you would take my body against my will" Beam hated how cold his own words sounded. He regretted saying this words to Forth.

But that's the truth. That's what he deserves. That's what it takes to set him free. To let go of the tiniest attraction he has for Forth.

He can't do this Forth.

Forth deserves better...

Forth said nothing. His head dropped on Beam's shoulder.

"Who hurt you so much, that you started hating yourself?" He whispered miserably, even though he probably knew the answer.

And Beam's reply almost left unheard, for his voice was small.

"Everyone.....

...Everyone except you"

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