Sugar Daddy

How to have something for an Infinity

With trembling fingers, Beam opened the Envelope and pulled out a neatly folded,A4 sized piece of paper.

It was a letter, written in Forth's beautiful cursive letters. 

"Happy Birthday my lovely Beam…"

Beam's breath hitched, remembering the day..

"I desperately wanted to spend the day with you. Wanted to do everything you want ..take you anywhere you want to go...Wanted to make you feel so happy and special...but I had to go...I'm sorry…

I stayed awake the whole night, holding you so tight, so closer to me. I thought if I closed my eyes for a moment you would disappear...like all the good things that ever happened to me. 

When I first laid my eyes on you, all I wanted was to kiss that tear away and keep you. Wanted to keep you imprisoned with me, keep you shackled, so you would not escape. I was obsessed with you, like a child who was tranced with a sweet dream. 

But...at some point...I was no longer obsessed. It has gone beyond an obsession. At some point all I wanted was you smiling and happy rather than have you with me...at some point...I was in love... deeply... desperately…

There is nothing in this world I wouldn't do to ensure your safety and happiness. Since I met you...you are the only thing that matters...You are the only thing that matters... everything else stopped making any sense. Everything else is just a background noise…"

Beam smiled, blinking away the resets threatening to fall out from his eyes. He remembered his own words. 

"In your eyes...I saw the whole universe. When I'm with you...the time becomes infinite. I feel Like my past never existed and my future never matters….And I feel like I'm being born again...everyday...just because I'm in love with you…

But you know my love...you don't have to feel the same.."

Beam frowned, his heart beating correctly with the anxiousness

"When I come back again, my hands will be soaked in blood. And your pure, white wings will be smeared with my sin…

I don't want to let you go…Even the thought of losing you, scares me...but it hurts me more to tie you down to the mess of a life I have and risk your life at my instability.

And I realized one single truth…"

Beam's frown deepened. Forth's letters were getting blurry; ink was smearing on the paper. His heart broke at the thought of Forth crying. 

"I realized that...the only way to have something for the infinite of time...is by losing it…

So I'm letting you go...so I can keep you forever…

I'm canceling our contract…"

For a split second Beam felt like his heart suddenly stopped beating. It came to him like a ton of bricks falling on his head, a huge wave crashing down on him, drowning him in the bottomless ocean. 

"You are no longer obligated to be here. You can walk out of this apartment like a free man, tell yourself that everything that happened was nothing but a dream. I will be completely out of your life. 

I cannot even stand the thought of you living anything less than a completely comfortable life, and overworking yourself. So I paid the complete course fee.