.....Everyone but you"
Forth's eyes softened instantly. He cupped Beam's cheek and looked at him with soft eyes.
"You are not broken as you think"
He put his other hand around Beam's waist and pulled him to his lap."Come here you..."
He took Beam's hands in his and kissed them gently. "You are so far from being broken. And having multiple ex boyfriends does not make you filthy. Having a sex friend kinda relationship doesn't make you a slut!"
Beam just stared at Forth. Forth's eyes were honest. His touch is warm. His eyes are promising. His voice is fatherly.
"You are strong. Strong enough to not to give up on your dreams. You could have taken the easy way out and drop out from the medical faculty. But you didn't"
Forth emphasized every word he said, like he was trying to convince Beam that it is not over yet.
He looked at Beam with serious look in his eyes. "Don't destroy the rest of your life because few years didn't go well"
"Killing your feelings...." He continued. "Killing your feeling is far more destructive than being a drug addict. Don't do that to yourself" He gently caressed Beam's cheek.
"Sorrow, pain, disappointment, heartache, happiness, joy... feel them. You may have experienced only sorrow for a while, but you were happy at some point of your life. When you were a happy child, you may never expected to be this sad. Just like that, Just because you experience sadness for a while, you can't expect that sadness is the only thing that awaits for you in future"
"Because...." Forth continued. "Living without any feelings is not different than not living at all"
Beam closed his eyes and held Forth's hand which was on his cheek. "My heart has worned out" his voice sounded tired and hurt. "I ripped out so much of myself to be cured faster. And each time I fell in love I had less and less to offer"
He opened his eyes looked at Forth. His eyes were filled with tears. "And now.... I have nothing to offer to anyone" tears escaped from his eyes and felt on Forth's hand.
"Your tears are warm..." Forth had a small smile on his face, his eyes were unfocused...like his mind was somewhere else. "To think that this simple tear brought me back from dead..."
Forth gently cupped his face and wiped Beam's tears away with his thumbs. "Your heart is not worn out. It's just frozen. You are not dead. Just tired"
"It's okay even though you have nothing to offer. You have offered enough. It's time to receive" Forth continued.
"Just let me save you..."
Beam looked down. "What if I don't want to be saved..." his voice was small, almost inaudible. He looked sad and beautiful at the same time, with tears glistening on his thick black eyelashes.
Forth moved forward and gently kissed Beam's soft lips. The kiss was not lustful at all. Instead it was gentle, loving and...
....promising.
"Oh love..." Forth pulled himself back to look straight into Beam's eyes with his gentle yet honest gaze.
"Everybody want to be saved...."
And that...made Beam break down. He flopped down on Forth's chest and cried.
He cried and cried. The walls that he built were tumbling down. The ice in his heart were melting because of the warmth of his own tears.
He didn't know whether they were sad tears or happy ones. He didn't care. Only thing he knew was that he really was saved. Because when he felt Forth's shirt becoming wet with his tears, he felt free, he felt like he could fly high because he thought...no, he knew that Forth would catch him when he fall.
He doesn't know who is Forth to him...a lover, a friend, a client...
It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter because Forth saved him....
Beam pressed his cheek on Forth's chest. "Save me" he mumbled between his cries.
Forth wrapped his arms around him and hugged him closer, like he was never planning to let him go.
"I have been doing it since the day I saw you..."
******************************
"I decided not to burn Phana alive" Forth said, while he was driving Beam to his uni.
Beam nodded. He decided not to speak because his voice was coarse from crying.
"Not because I decided to forgive him" Forth continued. "But I can't bring myself to do that to Dr. Konghthanin. He was a good man. One of the best personality I have ever met. Phana is his only child and I can't be the cause of pain of losing a child"
Beam nodded again. Slightly happy that Phana is not going to die.
"But I won't give my brother to him. Next week I will send him to America to study"
Beam nodded again. He has started to care less and less about Phana.
He stopped the car at the gate of meds. And before Beam get out, he leaned towards him and kissed his cheek. "Text me when you are done. I'll pick you up"
Beam nodded and got out of the car. And his furiously blushing cheeks were left unnoticed by Forth.
*************************
A/N
I think I deserve some comments...
No. I know I deserve some comments...
Tell me what u think about this chapter.
P. S
Just in case u haven't noticed, I used some lines from "Call me by your name"
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Sugar Daddy
Fiksi PenggemarSequel to "Lacrimosa" How Beam ended up with one of the most powerful men in Bangkok.
