zach

19 holy shit

I went back to Zachs place after that and he had a complete meltdown, it was the first time I had seen him so destructive. He was throwing shit and screaming his lungs out. I couldn't believe this was happening.

"Zach what the fuck is wrong?" I yelled, "Why the hell are you acting like this?!" All he kept saying was "I can't believe this is happening." in whispers, it was seriously freaking me the fuck out. I got up and held him down as he started crying, he kept saying let me go, but there was no way I was gonna let his fragile mind out of sight.

"You need to tell me what's wrong." I said in a slow murmer.

"I relapsed last night." is all he said, what was he talking about?! He didn't have any sort of addiction I knew of.

"Zach you're scaring me what do you mean you relapsed." I was freaking out.

"I..." he pulled up his sleeves and showed me his arms, there were cigarette burns all over the place. How could I have not noticed these before? He obviously had scars.

"Oh shit Zach what the hell..." Is all I could muster, I was in complete shock and was very mad at myself for not noticing. How could I have not noticed his depression? Sure I know he fucked around with painkillers and stuff a lot, but I thought it was all for fun?

"I couldn't tell you Ash." He said with regret drifting into his empty eyes, "I didn't want you to worry about yet another thing..."

"Why would you do this to yourself?" I know that was a stupid and hypocritical question to ask, especially since I myself have self harm issues, but I couldn't think of one reason Zach would want to purposefully hurt himself.

"I couldn't feel alive, so this was my only option."

"Zach... I can't-.... I'm so sorry..." I literally couldn't make out a word, I felt panic rise in my chest and I ran to the bathroom and threw up. This was too much to handle in one sitting, how could my boyfriend be self harming? and how come I didn't notice?

"I'm sorry for telling you this Ash, but I knew you knew something was wrong and I figured... I don't know what I figured." He sounded so scared, scared that I was going to abandon him and make him feel alone.

"You need to explain everything, when did this start and why?" I didn't mean for it to come out like an interrogation, I was just really frantic and panicked. I had to know.

"I don't really know, it just sort of... happened? I was around 16 and it was when my dad died so I just sort of took my cig and burnt it onto my flesh."

I didn't want him to go any farther, the look on his face was signaling me to stop asking him shit I knew he couldn't explain.

"Zach, why didn't you tell me sooner?" I asked.

"Because I didn't want you to throw me away."

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WOW GUYS THIS IS SO FUCKING INTENSE!!! HOW COME ASHLEY DIDNT NOTICE ZACHS SELF HARM PROBLEMS???

PLEASE COMMENT AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK OF THIS!!!

LOVE YOU GUYS xx