Langst One-shots

You didn't know

Sometimes you can barely notice that someone is sad.

They hide it.

So that others don't have to worry.

Sometimes people say "If you talk to someone it will help!"

But sometimes no, no matter how much you talk about your feelings you still feel the same. You don't feel different. Instead you think:

"What will they think of me now?"

"They will think I'm a big baby who is crying over nothing won't they."

"They must think I'm a bratty kid."

So instead I didn't tell anyone, because someone to talk to wasn't going to help. Even if they said it will. You don't really know what they are going through sometimes. They may tell you everything, but it's not true. Then you think of ways to fix it and help them. Thinking "Hey, that wasn't such a big deal, problem solved!" then the person will thank you and leave. But you never knew that they left that place with only one problem solved, and a thousand left to go. Sometimes people blame each other for people's suicide, and say if they could have just helped them it would have been fine. They would be standing here, alive right now. But sometimes that isn't the case, and sometimes reaching out doesn't help as much as you think. 

So I didn't tell anyone.

I wanted to tell them, just a little bit.

I wanted to tell Keith about my problems.

But I didn't.

You know, many nights I slept, with a thousand thoughts in my head. Thinking: 

"What would happened if I died?"

"How would the world go on, without me?" A/N: He's not saying as if the world can't go on without out him, just what will people's reaction be.

"They'll probably say just another suicide today, nothing new."

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"I wonder if people will want to remember me?"

"I wonder if people I barely knew, or people that I was barely friends with remember things about me."

Probably not.

But I knew I was going to do it. 

Why, you ask?

Sometimes just telling a person why doesn't get the who point across, sometimes explaining it isn't always all of it. Some people are open and will tell every single thing that's wrong, but others just can't. Sometimes people don't get it, telling everything isn't easy. You can't know every single reason why unless you get into the person's brain. Where every negative thought and every negative thing is created. People can tell themselves "It will be okay, I've had better days," but at some point it will all come crashing down again.

But a little bit of me wanted to do something before I died. I wanted to tell Keith with very few words, how he changed me, how he made me different. He made me take down all my walls when I was around him. Everything about him was amazing.

"Thanks Keith, I'm really glad I met you, y'know?"

"I am too."

We stayed in the hug for more than he was probably comfortable with, but i couldn't move. This was the last time I was going to hug him. The last time I was going to see him, the last time I would feel his warm touch and hear his soft voice. I blinked a few tears back and squeezed him tighter.

I wanted to say something.

Saysomething.

Doit.

Youwillneverseehimagain.

I pulled back with fresh tears in my eyes, embarrassed he could see me crying. 

"I-I Keith, I-"

With no other words than the stutters I produced he had his hands on my shoulder and pulled me in for a kiss.

My first kiss.

It was short but it was as if his lips never left mine after he pulled back. He face was bright red, but mine was too.

"I'm sorry I didn't know what else to do, I'm bad with words." He said looking away from me. I laughed and wiped my tears away. Then he looked back at me. "I love you."

Oh. My. God.

Keith loves me?!

I couldn't say anything, i was in a complete haze.

"Y-you l-love me?"

"Yes, Lance I love you." I teared up again and smiled.

"I-I love you so much." I whispered and for the second time, we hugged.

His brash words, made me feel like I had light in my dark abyss again. Hope, that things we get better.

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Keith, was my everything, 

and maybe........

........changed my mind.