My Mistakes {Y.G.//J.M.}

sixth

i was ill.

i was very ill.

i had known for a while now. a fairly long time. i couldn't tell yoongi. i just couldn't. i couldn't bare to break him. it would hurt me equally as much. and it hurt me so much to refuse his proposal.

after it happened, we went home in silence. tears still flowing down my face. when i looked up at him, his face seemed drained of any colour. his eyes were blank.

and when i looked at his own broken heart, i felt the pieces of mine split more and more.

i went to live in my parents house afterwards. it was hard to say goodbye to him. i know it was hard for him too. i could tell that he didn't want to look at me.

i know what you're thinking; couldn't we have stayed a couple and worked things over?

it was my choice not to.

i broke it all off. i don't regret it. i miss him, i love him, but i don't regret it.

as i broke it off, i explained to him why i had been to the hospital so much. why sometimes i had really down days. why recently i look so much thinner than usual. and that's when we both cried.

the last time i saw yoongi was when i was in hospital. i remember my eye sight being blurred back then; but i could still tell it was him.

his face was slightly thinner now. i held it gently with a hand, studying his eyes. they had grown slightly more stiff. i noticed that the corners of his beautiful eyes had small tear drops forming in them. i looked up slightly at his newly dyed hair.

blonde.

he looked just like when i saw him first, in the snow. my snow angel.

i leant back in the uncomfortable hospital bed, opening my mouth slightly to tell him how shitty the service here was. but i couldn't even say that. i didn't know where to start. and so i started from the most important point.

"i love you."

i had never seen yoongi cry as much as he was now. i reached a thumb up to his cheek, wiping the tears off gently and smiling sadly as i mumbled. "stop crying, okay? don't cry anymore. not because of me. promise me?"

he nodded, rubbing his eyes as his deep voice croaked out. "i promise, jiminnie."

i nodded with him, taking hold of his hand weakly. his hands were so perfect and fragile. they held mine so gently as he spoke. "i won't forget you."

"you'll have to, silly."
"well, i guess i'm breaking that rule."
"you'll find someone."
"even if i do, it won't be you."

my own tears started to form. "but you'll visit me, right? everyday on my birthday please."

he nodded. i couldn't make out his expression anymore, my eyes had blurred so much.

another mistake i made then, mistake 12, was not kissing him one more time.

but it was okay, because he leant in and did it himself as i drifted off.

and all of my mistakes were forgotten.