-Chris
I stared at Red as she played around with her fingers. I was in two minds to tell her that I didn't want to have anything to do with her and the baby. But I was trying to be a man. A man doesn't run away from his problems. I nervously cleared my throat.
"Soo, umm...." I trailed off. I didn't know what to say to her. Things had been awkward between us since she told me that she was pregnant. I was with her for the first few weeks, but then something in me, just didn't want to listen to everyone talking about the baby. So I ran.
"Soo, umm-what?" She said with a little bit of attitude.
'It's just her hormones.' I tried to convince myself. 'Don't get angry.' I took a deep breath before saying;
"Red, I know sorry won't make you feel any better, or make up for the last 2 months, but I am. I am very sorry. I want to be apart of my son or daughter's life." She didn't say anything, nor did she look at me. She just sat there, staring into space.
"Chris," She finally turned to look at me. "Do you love me?"
I was left in an awkward position. I didn't want to hurt her feelings, but at the same time I didn't want to lie to her.
"No."
She nodded her head and smiled. "I don't love you either," I began to breath again. "It's just; I don't want our kid to think that we hate each other. So no matter what happens between us, I always want us to be friends, for the sake of our child." I nodded in agreement. I shuffled closer to her and held her hand. I closed my eyes.
"I wanna learn to love you." I whispered. "I wanna love you." My eyes opened and I studied at her facial expression. "What?" I asked.
"Chris, I won't ever compare to her. You won't ever feel the same way about me as you do with her." I frowned. "I can never be her."
"Who're you talking about?"
"Jessie." She said quietly. I stared at her for a bit.
"I-"
"No Chris, you don't have to say anything. You don't have to justify your feelings for her. You've been through alot with her. You love her."
"Yeah and I wont ever stop loving her, but despite what you might think me and Jessie will never be together."
"Have you ever kissed her?"
"Yeah." I wasn't ashamed of the things I had done with Jessie. She was my best friend.
"When?" I furrowed my eyebrows.
"Why does it matter?" She sighed.
"Have you kissed her since we've been together?"
I blinked. I sighed, running my hands over my face. "Yeah, but only once. We just got caught up in the moment." I said with a shrug.
"You honestly don't think you've done anything wrong, do you?"
"But me and Jessie have always kissed. It doesn't mean anything."
"Yeah, but when you're in a relationship, you shouldn't be doing those things." I sighed. This wasn't what I went to her house for. I went to start fresh and to be there for her and the baby, but she was making it hard for me.
"Red lets not talk about it. I wanna talk about us."
"Okay, I'll give you a chance," I wanted to roll my eyes. "But if you mess this up, that's it between me and you." I nodded smiling.
"Can I have a kiss then?" She giggled and I gave her a small peck. I only half-heartedly enjoyed it. She was right. She could never compare to Jessie.
