My dad had sent me on a little errand to go and get some things from Tesco’s. I would have told Jay to go, but I thought it would be good to get some fresh air. Or should I say polluted air. As I entered the shop, I took up a basket and retrieved the list that my dad had given me, due to my lack of memory space. I skimmed through the list and chuckled at the last bit. ‘Get something for yourself.’ He knows me too well. I turned into the bread isle and picked up brown bread. I moved onto the dairy isle and picked up a few yogurts and finally some sweets, chocolates and drinks for my secret stash. Jay’s not the only one with secret stashes in the house. Only difference is mine is legal. Ha!
“For fuck sake! Don’t you look where you’re going?” I shouted at some random stranger. I looked at the culprit, who ran over my toes, to see a middle aged man in a wheelchair. I had no sympathy for him; I had sympathy for my toes. He looked up at me a bit alarmed as I took off my shoe and wiggled my toes about. I felt the pain release as I done so. I looked back at the man and gave him evils, before walking off. I paid for my things then walked all the way home.
“Daaaad. I’m home.” I shouted, shutting the door with one hand and carrying the bags in the other.
“I'm here, baby girl.” I rolled my eyes. I guess I'm just gonna have to live with that. I dropped the bags off in the kitchen and made my way into the front room.
“What have I told you about calling me baby girl?” my dad laughed. I realised he had company. I looked over to the women sitting fairly close to my dad and screwed.
“Jessie, this is Sarah.” I looked between them. Things seemed a bit intimate.
“And this is me leaving.” I walked out the room and went to bed. He had just made me angry, but most off all upset. Six months? You would have thought he would at least have waited a year.
“Suck my toes Red. You are not having my Starbursts.” I snatched the packet out of her hands. I don’t know what would make her dumb enough to think I would give it to her. She sighed angrily.
“Come on Jessie, just one, for fucks sake. You’re soo mean.” She sulked now frustrated.
“Yes I’m mean, get used to it bitch!” I bragged. She kissed her teeth and shoved past me. I walked to maths, simply because I had no other option. The last time I tried to run out of school, I stupidly went home and my dad was there. He obviously sided with the school and dragged me back.
“Jessica, your late.” I rolled my eyes.
“Why you stating the obvious?”
“Jessica, would you like me to call your father?”
“Just because the school has my dad’s phone number, you decide to ring him like your bredrins or something. Fall back, my dad’s got a women.” I said remembering that thing sitting too close to him the other day.
“That’s it Jessica, leave my classroom now. I will not be disrespected like that infront of everyone. Your mum would be so proud of you wouldn't she?” I stood up tucking my chair in. I walked over to her desk ready to knock her the fuck out. Someone pulled me back and I stormed towards the door. The class watched in silence as I left the classroom. I opened the door and turned back to her. “It’s Jessie.” I whispered through gritted teeth, loud enough for the bitch and some others to hear.
Tears streamed down my face. I walked into the toilets and looked in the mirror. I took some tissues out of my bag and wiped my eyes. I threw it in the bin nearby and left the toilets. I walked to Red’s lesson, which was English. I opened the door. “Red, I'm going home see you later yeah.” I said quietly. She nodded her head, noticing that something was wrong. “Tell you later.” She nodded once more before I left the classroom.
“Jessie, this isn’t like you. Usually you would be cussing or something. You don’t even cry, but I’d at least expect you to do that.” Chris spoke to me as I lay on his bed staring at nothing in particular. The only time I had spoke, was when I tod him what the bitch said. “What’s really wrong?”
“I think it’s because she was right. My mum wouldn't be proud of me. I'm a failure.” I cried into his sheets. He picked me up so that I was sitting on his lap and rocked me back and forth. We both said nothing. Eventually my sobs turned into occasional sniffs.
“You aint a failure. I admit that you aint doing your best, but you are most certainly not a failure.”
“Can I stay here today? I don’t feel up to facing my dad.”
“Yeah alright. I’ll call Jay yeah?” I nodded and he left the room.
Just then my phone rang. I looked at it and it said Red. “hello.” I answered.
“I heard what happened.” She said into the phone sympathetically.
“It’s okay Red. She was right. My mum wouldn't be proud.”
“That’s not the point she has no right to say that to you.” Chris came back into the room just as I said Red. His face lit up at the mention of her name.
“I got to go Red, see you later.” Before she could say bye I locked off. Chris screwed me.
“What did you do that for?” I threw my phone on the table and lay back down ignoring his question. “Jessica, Jessica, Jessica. What am I going to do with you?” he rubbed my cheek and kissed my forehead. I held back my tears as memories of my mum came back into my head. “Don’t cry.” He whispered.
“I'm not.” I said defensively.
“But you want to.” I sighed and sat up.
“I don’t want to live the rest of my life in regret.” I sulked. Chris said nothing instead he brought me into a tight hug. “I love you Chris.” He said nothing. “Say it back.” I said looking up at him.
“I love you too.” He laughed.
