The Problem is Me [EDITED)

Prologue

Pinpointing something is never easy. Although I strongly believe that if someone asked me to pinpoint a single thing in which I have learned to understand as I have gotten older is that there truly are two sides to every story, and every individual person. Give or take, some people have far more than two sides (or faces, if you'd like,) perhaps you could say I am in fact one of those people. But let's not go dive too deep into that one just yet.

Of course, I say every single person because I mean every single person. I'm not just talking about the people whose glasses are half empty instead of half full, or the people who can kick puppies and feel nothing. I'm not talking about the people who are deemed insane, or the people who are a danger to society. I'm talking about me, you, your friends, your family, and even your classmates. All of them are masking something, hiding something or other from those who might take the time to see. No one who you speak to is showing you everything there is to offer; there will forever be tales which none of us will ever tell.

Many of the people whom I have met in the many hospitals I have been drop kicked into have wound up to be a hell of a lot smarter than the 'sane' people. They're generally less illiterate, less closed minded and seem to have some sort of depth to them at least. Most of my family have absolutely nothing to them at all. They're just average people who lead average lives, which is a cosy way to spend your days really, but it's so boring.

Mental illness is an annoying little thing, isn't it? Obviously, mental illness isn't really visible to those looking, you have to dig deep to find it most of the time. It's often frowned upon, mental illness is, and I don't know why. If I had cancer I would get all the sympathy in the world without a doubt. I'd get cards, chocolate, money; get well soon balloons, the whole shebang. Do I get any of that stuff? To hell do I, I get nothing. They all think we put it on, the people like me in particular. They tell the anxious people to just get on with it, the depressed people to just be happy and the schizophrenics to get a hold of themselves.

With all that being said, I'm still the one who is apparently unable to think correctly. Mentally ill people aren't always curled up in a ball, lying in their own piss. Most of us are relatively normal.

My Mom always told me I should stop thinking and judging things so quickly, and that if I had nothing nice to say I should say nothing at all. If I took her advice I would be a cabbage brained, opinion-less mute kid. If I were like that, perhaps I'd make a good politician.

Whilst we're on the subject of my mother, I think I should explain a few things. If it wasn't for that idiotic woman I wouldn't be in the position I am currently in, I wouldn't have been thrown from mental hospital to mental hospital, I wouldn't have got transferred multiple times because I made the staff want to kill themselves. I deserved to have a normal childhood. If she hadn't of thrown me off the deep end I wouldn't be half as screwed up as I am now.

To give you an insight of how far my hatred goes for the woman, if I were trapped in a room with her and Donald Trump and conveniently had a gun with two bullets in, I would shoot her twice. If you'd choose that over killing Donald Trump, you know the hatred is running deep, pumping through your veins with every heartbeat.

If I remember correctly it was towards the end of summer in 2007 when I first got 'taken' (more like dragged) to the doctors to have a full on psychiatric evaluation. I was only eight years old, but I do vaguely recall kicking and screaming until my lungs burned. My mother grabbed me by the collar and basically choke slammed me around the waiting room as I screamed until I couldn't any more. You know when you cry/scream so much your throat goes all hoarse and dry? It was one of those scenarios.

From that you're probably wondering how an eight year old can fuck up that badly. Did he try to kill himself? Did he try to kill someone else? Did he put the hamster in the microwave? Did he invade Czechoslovakia? Commit mass genocide?