The Problem is Me [EDITED)

Chapter 24

November, 2014

I seem to have mildly screwed up. My mother took it upon herself to try and call the hospital, even when I’d blatantly forbidden her to do so. I caught her in the act, and threw the phone so hard against the wall; it caused a huge dent to form. She started screaming, and I told her to sit down and shut up before I broke her nose.

I don’t know what possessed her to do it, but she punched me in the jaw. It wasn’t a very good punch, as I stumbled back more from shock than impact. But the fact that she had the nerve to raise her hand to me caused a volcanic eruption to occur inside of me. I got angrier than I had ever before; even angrier than I was when I got into the fight with Gage a couple of weeks ago. So obviously in my fit of rage, I did what any reasonable, sane human being would do.

I grabbed a steak knife and held it to her throat.

I’ll admit, not my smartest of moves but she deserved it. The reaction I gained from her was well worth it too. Her face paled and she pathetically held onto my wrist in a feeble attempt to get me to stop. What is concerning me however, is the fact that I loved how much power I had over her in that moment. Right then her life was in my hands, whether she lived or died could have been decided by me.

Just for experimental purposes (I promise) I pressed the knife in deeper just to see what she would do. I didn’t press it in too deep, just enough to leave a little mark. She gasped and screwed her eyes shut, almost as though she was waiting for me to do the deed. I scoffed under my breath and muttered pathetic before putting the knife down and taking a few steps back from her.

Slowly, she opened her eyes and looked at me with complete fear. Like a deer in the headlights, a zebra spotting a lion, Eminem spotting Lady Gaga at the VMA’s in 2009.

She began to cry, which I expected, and held her hand against her mouth. Sobs racked through her thin frame and I thought she might snap if she cried any harder. I sat down and re-lit my cigarette calmly.

Above everything else that I have done which is morally wrong in my life, I think this tops the marker. I’ve had enough. I’ve had enough of being alone, being the unstable kid, being the unspoken family member, being the black sheep.

After this, I’ll be all anyone talks about. I will have more control than ever, and I’ll be the complete center of attention. Everyone will regret what they did, because I’m in charge now.

I’m going to kill my own mother.