The Problem is Me [EDITED)

Chapter 17

November, 2014

I cannot believe myself.

I haven’t slept again, but somehow it’s almost time for me to leave my pit and get the medication which will end up in my drawer alongside the other doses. I don’t want to be or go anywhere, I don’t want to talk to anyone, I don’t want to see anyone, I don’t want to be a person at the moment.

Looking at myself in the mirror was tough, surprisingly I had showered but I couldn’t seem to shake the dirty feeling. My hair was weakly styled but my clothes were looking decent, It’d have to do for now.

I took a deep breath and stepped out from my bedroom, not mine and Evan’s bedroom anymore. I spotted Esme and Arianna walking down the corridor towards my room, Esme was target number one and Arianna would have to be cool with being collateral damage.

"Well if it isn’t my favorite people," I announced triumphantly, catching Esme by the shoulder as the pair emerged from their rooms. "And Look at you.” I wrapped my arm around Esme’s waist and leaned on her slightly. "How lovely you’re looking today," I cooed, then pinched a good inch of the fabric of her hoodie and waggled it. "Fits a bit loose though, are you sure this isn’t the one they had made up in my size?” That was a bitter remark to make, but it was worth it for the look on Arianna’s face.

"Leave off, Nathan," was the all begrudging response she made. It seemed like she’d grown smaller over the past day. Actually, perhaps I had gotten bigger, All those ‘healthy’ hospital meals and pills. "I’ve got to meet-"

"So important now," I accoladed. "Got your big girl heels on finally I see,”

"Shut up!" Arianna snapped, ripping Esme out of my grip. It was almost too easy to get a reaction, like taking candy from a baby. “If you’re going to be a jerk then you can-“

"All right, all right," I retracted with my hands up in fake surrender. "No harm meant, sweetheart. Just a little fun. I missed you two last night, especially you." I smirked and looked at Esme as they quickened their pace to which I matched easily.

“What the hell is up with you? Are you fucking bipolar or something?” Esme shrieked but slowed her pace nevertheless. Arianna watched her in disbelief before storming off into the common room to probably bitch about how much of a psycho I am.

"No, really," I insisted, following without invitation. "Many times I found myself thinking 'Oh I wish Esme was here'.” But I’d prefer Evan back, I almost added. But I didn’t say that part. Nonetheless, Esme seemed like unimpressed, because she glared suspiciously and kept on walking.  

“Cut the shit, Nate. You know what happened yesterday, and I’m asking you as a friend; are you okay?” She asked sadly.

"Is that all the courtesy I get?" I replied, my tone pulled thin and tight as a trap wire. I’d string it up around Esme’s room, nailed to the every wall and crossing every open space, so that the more she struggled the more tangled she became.

"Pretty much," Esme said with a grudge-bearing tone. But her fragility, the same weakness that’d told me I could do almost anything to her and she’d let me get away with it, was still there.

"Oh fantastic, you too," I accused with a bitter frown.

"Me too… what?" Esme asked, because she couldn’t resist a hook, like the sucker she was.

"Treating me like shit on the bottom of your shoe, Esme," I explained concisely. "Is that what I get now?"

"That’s what you deserve after-" Esme started with a lot more confidence than she finished.