The Problem is Me [EDITED)

Chapter 10

October, 2014

Yesterday I got called misanthropic.

According to the oxford dictionary misanthropic is defined as 'Having or showing a dislike of other people; being generally unsociable' so I'm not entirely sure if I should take the comment from Jayden as an insult or compliment, I'll be sure to think about that one.

Let's rewind back to two days ago, the day following the event where things got as heated as Gordon Ramsay when he can't locate the lamb sauce.

I kind of got myself into a little pickle.

Evan was looking for something, I don't remember what, and he found the collection of medication that I haven't been taking. He completely freaked out and came to the conclusion that I'm gonna top myself, started crying and all that gross stuff. I couldn't really have thrown them away, because I have a horrible feeling that they'd find them.

I'm not going to dwell on it too much; it's not really a major problem. Evan wouldn't have the balls to tell anyone anyway, he knows he'd be all alone again if he did.

I really like the word incompetent. Incompetence can be funny but it can also generate a lot of conflict when the incompetent person is a doctor, a lawyer, cop or whoever is responsible for a person's fate.

On a happier note, it's almost November which is my favourite time of year. It's not so cold that you feel like your nose might have icicles hanging off it but it's just cold enough to wear thick jackets and to drink far too many hot drinks.

I'm getting quite sick of spending my days in a mental hospital, for anything I know these could be my final days!

I mean it's not all bad, the people here are better than the 'normal' people. There is an oddly manic sort of bond that forms with your fellow loonies. It's a dysfunctional relationship, but everyone usually knows your business because of your time spent together in group therapy. Thus you'd look out for each other. If someone was having a bad day, they'd keep you company or try to take your mind off things. Or they'd stick up for you if you got into it with the staff.

It's a pretty strange place to be in when you keep in mind what people think of as the "normal" teenage experience, and the typical dynamic between teens.

In a normal high school for example, you wouldn't necessarily consider telling other kids your most embarrassing or personal stories. In the unit however, I saw each person in a very stripped down, raw, emotional way. It's an unusual social experience. In a way, you do develop relationships with the staff. Often they will joke with you or talk to you like a friend or a friendly relative, but they'll also keep a sense of authority. Sometimes they will even bring in special treats, like order in pizza or rent a movie for everyone to watch.

It's a strangely isolated culture, the psych unit. Being about 10 years old and being advised of your legal rights is disorienting. My clearest memory of the first time I ever got lead into a mental ward when I was maybe like 7 is the signs I would see on my way in - there's a sign on the heavy locked door that says 'High elopement risk', and I remember those words really getting to me.

Okay, it was a kids psychiatric ward but it was still fucked up.

I also remember days arguing with doctors about wanting to leave, and then going to my room to cry about it and seeing that doctor out the window, free and able to roam outside. It was upsetting for a kid that age.

It doesn't bother me a whole lot anymore though; I'm used to it.

Let's be real though, I have had some of the best times of my entire life in these shit holes. I've had countless roommates, only a few stand out to me because quite frankly they were funny as fuck. So remember I mentioned the Schizophrenic who tried to convince everyone he was one of Jesus' disciples? Man that was hilarious.