I'm sorry, I couldn't write sooner but, the session lasted longer than expected and I wanted to share everything with you.....
I know I am knew to this and I might be an awkward Person in general, but. I really want to convey everything which happens in my life...
But... The problem is, I cannot understand what had happened in my life....
I know, it sounds crazy, but, I can't remember my mom,my dad, my parents or my friends...
I haven't even seen people who claim to be my parents....
It's Just me, inside this surreal hall of loneliness, inside my room...
Speaking all this to a mere book...
I'm sure you hear me diary, I know You have a physical form somewhere and you can love me for me....
I don't want to extend my dumb speech and bore you....
The reason I'm in therapy is because, I want to remember everything, everything good and bad that's happened to me...
I want to get out of the loneliness of this room...
The evening sun is smiling down on me now....
I'm taking slices of pineapple as I'm writing this to you.... It's so tasty, to have something sweet mumbling in Your lips don't you think?
I'll write our talk as a conversation, so you can understand this better!
But.... Before that... I want to write to you, sitting in my rooftop and looking at the evening sun....
__-_-_-_-_
Ahh, now I'm sitting at the rooftop of my house and a chilly wind is welcoming my presence...
The evening sun looks sad and faded..
It looks desperate, Just like me....
Looking at it makes me remember the speak with my counselor....
Kotori-San
A really sweet woman she is...
----
Kotori-San:- Oh hello! Mrs, Sakuragi.... I have heard so much about you... Why are you so nervous? Don't you wanna talk to me?
Me:I... I know....I'm Just.... Sh-shy.....I don't talk to....uh...a lot of people...
Kotori-San:- I can feel Your heartbeat here....
I know it's late, but isn't it beautiful to see the evening sun gaze through these curtains?
Looking at the evening sun, made me calm down and cure my anxiety....
Her room was so beautifully designed with paintings hanging everywhere....
Her lips parted in a wide grin...
Kotori-San:- Miss, do you know why You're here?...
Me:- I....because I'm sick.... Right?.
Kotori-San:- It's not an illness, here... Do you know when a man is sick?...
Me:- I don't...
Kotori-San:- I will tell you soon enough....
Me:- I... Don't know... If it's a sickness, but.... I... Can't seem to remember anything....
I don't know anything... Friends, school, parents, teachers.... I can't get anything.... I can't understand myself....
I seem to hear voices speaking to me from nearest graveyards or from my own television or from electric lines... I think I'm schizophrenic... Or something...
Kotori-San:- Sakura, dear, If you self diagnose Yourself, You will see yourself having all sorts of problems, please do not do that again..... I'm Your friend alright?... Why are you crying?....
I couldn't stop the tears which ran through my cheeks... My eyes were wet.... And cold....
Me:- No one wants to be my friend.. When I go to a group of kids, they vanish into dust..... When I ask to play with them, they beat me... They say I'm ugly and worthless, that my parents must have abandoned me at birth... Sometimes I don't know. I can't feel anything.....
Kotori-San:- What happens after they tell it to you?..
Me:- They vanish like vapour.... Then I lie awake in my bed.... It feels like a dream, but, I can see the big scars I make by cutting myself with a razor....
Kotori-San:- Do you know which country this is?
Me:- I can't seem to read Our country's name.... Whenever someone says something related to the country or the place I live in, their voice blurs inside me...
I was practically having a runny nose by now....
Kotori-San:The country we live in is £€¥¢}... Did you get it?... Hm? Why a wide eyed stare? I'm your friend alright? You can speak with me whenever you want!
Me:- I want to remember everything.... I want to know what happened to me, and why I always cut myself with blades....
I want to know why I am alive....
Oops! I can't remember anything after that....
I chuckle....
Suddenly something comes to mind....
I check my hands.... The pen I'm writing is filled with blood....
A Shadowy figure stands beside me....
Hanging from the ceiling fan....
His ghostly eyes, deep inside his sockets....
Who is he?
YOU ARE READING
White Pineapple
Mystery / Thriller"You are not created in the image of God God is created in the image of you" (Trigger Warning for: Rape, Mental illness, Self Destructive behavior and hallucinations)
