Okay? Okay... (part 1)

Act it out

*ello. so uh I skipped to Sep. 10. ok? I wanna keep things cool and stuff and I didnt know what else to do. Deal.*

I get home from school on a hot Wednesday afternoon. I called Ricky and he almost picked up immediately. "Hey Lindsey. Im on my way with Kian and Connor." he said. "Okay. Ill probably be ready. bye" I hung up and grabbed my wallet and sunglasses.

We had to go shopping for Trevor's birthday party. I mean, it was in two days.

Ricky pulled up and I ran downstairs. Connor opened the back door and I climbed in. "So what did you tell Trevor?" I asked. "Well we couldn't decide on the mall or a meet and greet. So we said a meet and greet at the mall!" Connor said laughing.

"But he doesn't have homework," I said. "and he might go to the mall." "How do you know he doesn't have homework?" Ricky asked. "Because I dont." "Lemme just say what we're all thinking. You don't have the same classes. duh." Kian said. "Right. I knew that." I said leaning back in my seat.

We got to the mall stores and got a helium ballon thing, a happy birthday dude sign and a bunch of streamers and silly string.

Next we went to presents. Ricky got him Pokemon underwear and a blue lava lamp. Kian got a mini disco ball, and Connor got a $100 apple card and a few newer NOW CDs. But I didnt know what to get so I saved it for later

Then my favorite...FOOD! We got Solo cups, and Doritos, cheese balls, etc. Then while the guys were buying the stuff, I went to look at presents. but then it hit me. I NEEDED TO FUCKING MAKE A PRESENT! duh.

I came back and they had the stuff and Ricky had gotten Budweiser and Coors lite for the legalized people to drink.

They dropped me and the stuff off at my house and I ran upstairs. I put everything under my bed. But the beer. They took that. I thought about what to make Trevor, but my mind was as blank as a paper. With nothing on it obviously. It was 7pm about, an i was hungry so I made a sandwich and went online.

There were positive and negative tweets. Mostly positive though. One said that I should just kill myself, and there was another that said, go kill yourself you fat fag. God these made me feel like shit.

I hadn't cut in four months now. But things were pretty bad. I got up and walked to my bathroom. I grabbed a razor blade and held it to my wrist. Tears flowing down my face. But I couldn't do it. Not now. I had to at least look and act happy. For Trev.

So I walked out of the bathroom and changed into a loose shirt and just my underwear. I load in bed and texted Jessie till 9:30ish. Then I covered myself in my blanket, curled into a ball, and cried myself to sleep.

The next morning I woke up with more stains in my pillow and my hair a mess. I brushed my hair and put it in a braid to the side. I put on jean shorts, a mint and white stripped shirt, and mint Vans.

I grabbed my backpack and nova. I rode nova to school to be earlyish. Nope. Right before I turned to the school driveway, the bus almost passed me. It was going really slow so I grabbed the back of it and had it lead me to school.

All the classes today were boring. But art was alright. We drew in pencil our favorite animal. So yeah. I got to draw the most boss wolf ever. Then we learned 3D shapes. Pretty cool I guess.

I walked out of class and out the school doors once dismissed. I grabbed nova outa my back pack and decided to head to the park. I looked around and there was no one there. I started to head to the swings and my wrist was grabbed.

"Hey! What the hell do you think you're doing?!" I yelled. A random guy pulled me into a lock and I got out of it. "Come back here." he said. He pulled me back into the lock but harder. I was strong but not as strong as him.

"Let go of me! Help! Some one!! Fuck! HELP!" I yelled. I kicked and squirmed but nothing worked. And the one day I can't find my knife. A single tear rolled down my cheek. I knew what repulsive things were coming. And one time, I had to just sit down and watch.

Then I saw an abrupt flash. And I was released from the tight grasp. I rubbed my wrists and someone walked over to me. "Are you ok?" Said a familiar voice. My chin was lifted and there I was. Staring into his eyes.